just need to type it out

[Frogeyes]

Hi everyone,

I really just need to talk to someone. I think just typing it out helps (sometimes). I recently was laid off from work, the one place that I had very little anxiety if any. The one place that I felt like I had a reprieve, even if for a bit. I made extremely good money, my hours were flexible, the work was demanding but kinda fun as well. I was a purchasing manager for an extremely rare type of manufacturing. Let’s just say I was making too much money in this all male foreign company that hated everyone that wasn’t one of them. Honestly I’m surprised I lasted so long.

Anyways since then I have been struggling horribly with anxiety and panic attacks. Iv been on meds but I think that they are no longer working or at least I need more. I also had to quit therapy that was helping so I have lost all of my sources of self soothing, help or tools for my issues.

I recently was diagnosed with anxiety and found that it is most liking due to menopause. I can’t tell my husband how bad things have become, my mom and dad are both selfish and don’t have time to care, I’m embarrassed to talk to my close friend, so now I’m alone. My husband is always asking what’s wrong and at this point I lie and say it’s nothing. I can’t let him know how freakin crazy I have become. Recently i will not allow myself to enjoy or have any fun because I believe that I need to be punished for what is going on to me. I have stopped workout out and now gorge myself on crap foods. I realize that I’m on a self destructive spiral. The intrusive thoughts tell me horrible things about myself and I believe most of them. I grow tired of it all. I want to get on more meds but don’t want to explain to my husband that his once strong independence wife is an absolute mess. I don’t want to keep lying to him but he won’t understand.

I hope that everyone can have a better today than yesterday 😊

Sorry for the book

[Uptownchic]

First off, so sorry to hear about you being laid off. That is difficult in itself and then the constant news of people being laid off, perpetuates the rumination and over thinking. I would say take a step back and give yourself time to acknowledge this change. Give yourself a few weeks, i.would suggest 2 at max to feel what you're feeling. Being out of a job is anxiety producing so it's normal. Maybe you can temporarily go up on your meds to get you throug ? Or you can try other coping skills like breath work, exercising, hobbies. Find things that you enjoy. Also, can you get a New therapist? They can help you frame the conversation you need to have with your husband. Like being able to.identify why you're ashamed of having this conversation with him. I also think you should consider. I have GAD and health anxiety and it's been rough! I've taperd.off of all my my meds and have had to get creative about ways to cope.. I'm not suggesting you stop meds at all! But I do think coping mechanisms in addition to meds would help you