anxiety and being a parent

[HockeyDad2526]

For a long time, my anxiety and my emotions have been dictated by my worries about the successes and failures of my (now teenaged) children. I feel relief from my anxiety when they succeed at something and anxious (and sometimes depressed) at their failures. I am fortunate that I only have to deal with run of the mill events re sports, school etc and not more serious issues, but I worry nonetheless. Am I alone or is this more common than it seems to me?

[IncognitoC]

You should be proud of the father you are. Anxious about your children when they have failed at something is totally normal.

Well done you

[Hidden]

Hi HockeyDad2526, I had unachievable expectations set on me by my parents. This surely played a role in years of anxiety and fear of failure in their eyes. I purposely did not impose these expectations on my own kids and guided them to find what they felt were their own passions and purposes. Like you, we only had to deal with sports, school events etc and yes, I constantly worried (and still do) that they might fail at something but remind myself that these are their life lessons to learn and never let my anxieties transfer onto them. They are young adults now and show no signs of mental illness to date for which I am proud. You would not be a good Dad if you didn’t worry about their successes and failures. You wouldn’t have even asked this question if you weren’t already a great Dad. Encourage them to stay strong in their beliefs and keep them as happy and healthy as possible. Teaching them to be unapologetically themselves and grateful sets them up for a better chance of long term peace of mind free of anxiety.

[HockeyDad2526]

thanks all for the words of encouragement. It helps!

[Montana136]

Hi hockey dad,I think it is completely natural for parents to constantly worry about one thing or another with their children. Especially if they think they may have failed their child in some way. At this point you have given your children the benefit of everything that you possibly knew at the time. We can only do our best with the resources we have at that moment. There are always going to be some issue we forgot to cover.

What I've noticed about my child as I taught her everything I could I paid attention as best I could and I consoled and reassured whenever they needed. They need to grow up they need to have their own failures so that they know how to deal with them in the future if you're feeling too guilty about their failures you're not going to be able to be completely supportive to them and what they need and in that moment. Give yourself a break children must figure out a lot of things on their own and with your gentle guidance and your calm demeanor you can continue to help them process emotions and plan how to do things better next time. Think of it this way you're still a parent you're still guiding them you still have time to correct things you might have done by mistake. And in addition kids only learn by making mistakes. Actually we all only learn when we make mistakes. We learn what we can do better next time. Give yourself a break don't worry too much dad, you are still an important influence. I hope that helps them in some way I too suffer the same thoughts you are going through. My daughter is 20 and is no longer living with me so my direct parenting job has come to a close, now I'm more of an advisor, a comforter, a a source of knowledge. And parenting really is never over so try to worry about the big stuff not the small stuff. Take it easy be well

Montana

[HockeyDad2526]

thanks very much for this Montana.

[SayNOtoPanic]

Totally normal HockeyDad, and you’re not alone. You’re a great dad for caring on that level. And I just think the worry especially if they mess up at anything is totally expected. Hang in there.

[Trainchaser]

I think if you are a normal parent you worry about your kids and grandchildren. You root for success in whatever they do. Sometimes worry can be dysfunctional and you perseverate on it. You are normal it seems to me