very tired alone

[PeaceNeed]

I had crying fit yesterday I screamed into a pillow while laying down inside a closet so no one else would hear me. My life is a total waste. Therapy, religion , drugs dont help. All that keeps going thru my head is run away somewhere in the woods and spend last times in nature.

[PeaceNeed]

Thank you. Last 6 years been aweful. Feel like human puncing bag.

[gajh]

You are not alone. You are here with all of us. I am glad you are reaching out for support. Screaming into a pillow sounds very therapeutic.

[PeaceNeed in reply to gajh]

It was gut wrenching. Im growing old alone and it terrifies me. Family told me get lost we have our own problems. This illness destroyed my life.

[gajh in reply to PeaceNeed]

I am so sorry for your suffering. Does it help you at all to be connected here. Do we make you feel a little less alone?

[PeaceNeed in reply to gajh]

Yes, until my ravings drive others away.

[gajh in reply to PeaceNeed]

You think your ravings drive others away here?? It seems like a lot of people here respond to you when you reach out. Do you reply to other people's post too. It is a good way to connect.

[litethatnevergoesout]

crying fits are ok. your life isn’t a waste. Keep going.

[mizzou7016]

LonePain....I can definitely relate...some days i get along great....and get a lot accomplished....some days I don't get out of bed....take it one situation at a time....deal with that situation....and live to fight another day....just don't ever give up....life is so worth living....One year, one month, one week one day one hour 1 minute 1 second at a time...

[PeaceNeed in reply to mizzou7016]

My problems got bigger when it really hit me....Im old and things dont get any better.I live in state supported housing thats now a living hell. Each year has been worse than the last .

Now my housing may be in jeaperdy. The people who run these supported housing programs and the slum lords the deal with should all rot in h_ll. They destabilized and acted like it was my fault.

I have no energy anymore my treatment team is a joke.

My lifecis empty and meaning less.

[mizzou7016 in reply to PeaceNeed]

and if you really felt that your life was meaningless....you wouldn't be reaching out...I don't know how old you are....I am 53...and I can definitely relate to some of the worries...hang in there.....it will get better....just don't give up hope

[PeaceNeed]

Thank you for respondin. Im 64 be 65 in May. My mornings start off with huge anxiety and depression.I keep on remembering every bad thing that has ever happened to me.

Im tired and terrified.

I want it all to stop.

[Marysblue in reply to PeaceNeed]

You don't say you take anything for depression only Klonopin and Buspar used for anxiety. Klonopin can increase depression. Have you tried 5-HTP for depression. It works in a few weeks and there's no side effects and it's inexpensive and you can buy it where vitamins are sold. I think it would help, Also taking some long walks in the woods.

[PeaceNeed]

I have its just that my depression is so high and my external situation so bleak nothing seems to work.I take alot of buspar and klonopin. Im 64 life has no positive meaning for me anymore.