*Trigger Warning* Miscarriage

[OnlyHuman86]

I’ve posted here before but haven’t really given any specifics about the origins of my anxiety and depression. I’ll let you guys in on one of the many things that contribute to it. I have been with the same man since I was 19. I am now 37. One thing I have ALWAYS known for sure is that I want to be a mother. However we have been unsuccessful over the years.

In October of 2021 I realized my menstrual cycle was late, and after taking 5 (yes 5) tests I discovered I was pregnant. I was happier than I have ever been! And when I did the math I was about 2 months along.

The joy was short lived though. About 3 days after I took the tests, I woke up and was bleeding very heavily. I immediately went to urgent care where they confirmed I had a miscarriage. My heart was instantly broken. And instead of grieving with my husband, we ended up getting into the biggest argument we ever had a couple days later. I think It was the stress of the situation, but on that day he told me EVERY issue he has EVER had with me. And it was very nasty and unkind. I felt like I didnt Know him and he was a different person.

From that day on, things have been bad between us

But our issues are another story. I’m really writing this because I haven’t been able to process my feelings about my miscarriage. I’ve had to pretend like I’m ok and carry on with life. But every month, when my menstrual cycle comes, I am reminded again that I’m not a mother. And the bleeding takes me back to the miscarriage. It takes me into a deep depression that is getting harder and harder to come out of.

I also think that my marriage is not going to last too much longer. And I’m consumed with the thoughts that I am almost 40. While my husband can go and start a family, my window for that is closing, and may have never existed. I feel like I spent my whole adult life with someone who just completely changed his character when times got hard.

I think I just needed to say these things “out loud”. I dont have friends where I live and my parents are really my only support and outlets. Thank you all for listening. There’s a lot more involved in my depression but this is what I’m currently going through. If anyone has dealt with a miscarriage or had problems in their relationship after one, I would really love your input. Hope everyone is having a manageable day😉

[Dolphin14]

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is a very emotional thing for couples. Sadly, some make it through and some don't.

There are support groups for this from what I've heard. Have you looked into that? Taking with other women who are going through the same thing may be helpful

I haven't personally been through this but I wanted to reach out dvd let you know I'm listening

🐬

[OnlyHuman86 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you so much for responding. I haven’t looked for any support groups but I will. You made me realize how much this group has helped and that seeking a specific topic like what I’m going through might be helpful. It hadn’t even occurred to me to look for a similar group. I appreciate the reminder!

[Dolphin14 in reply to OnlyHuman86]

It must be so hard

I hope you find some women you can talk with. I wonder if your OB GYN has any names of groups. If they don't and you find one maybe you can let them know. This is a great disservice to women if they don't have a suggesting for support

[CLB1125]

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain and grief. My daughter will be 40 in a couple months. She has always wanted to be a mom since she was a little girl. In 2019 and 2020 she lost two sons 9 months apart. Luke was at 19 weeks and Nathan at 18 weeks along. I was with her and her husband for both miscarriages. Only she had to go through the whole birthing process for both. It was totally devastating! It has changed her and her marriage. I keep telling her to go to counseling. She has a hardened heart and goes through the motions of living but she isn’t alive. I’m afraid for her marriage. She has decided she won’t try again because of her age. We all are guilty of saying too much and lashing out at the ones closest to us in anger and grief. Please consider counseling for both of you. Again I am so sorry for your loss.❤️❤️

[MindfulMoment]

I also lost my little one, she was 20 weeks on. It was devastating for me. I don’t have any words because words just don’t do justice to the feelings you feel right now. Just know you are not alone in how you feel. And however you need to process through things is ok. There is no right way to proceed. 💗