Today I had my first therapy session . It was a free virtual one through my mom's work. I spent my entire morning a nervous mess but was trying to make my space comfortable and drink lots of water. When the session was about to begin I started having a panic attack and had to hold it on. I was almost ready to shut off the video. She asked me for my birthday and I could barley remember or get my words out it was extremely awkward. I said it so weird.
I didn't realize it was going to be this difficult. The whole session I struggled but my heart stopped pounding as hard. I tried to tell her what I could remember about my own life lol. But being so anxious makes it hard to think.
The session was cut short as she recommended I get some long term care since my situation is more serious and that was the end of it.
I don't know if I could do that again. This feels like a set back.
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once you get to chat with them awhile it’s not so bad. Being honest with them and telling them how you are feeling might help. They can help you to relax. Good luck
You did great. It is hard telling a stranger what is going on and that is stressful = anxiety. A first step can always be the hardest, so whew you got that over with.
Ughs, I'm sorry you had that experience. I freaked out also at my first appointment yesterday (not ever but for awhile) and, I too couldn't get my words out or remember anything. I felt stupid. I was like "oh gosh, I should write this stuff down because I don't remember. " and, my new therapist understood. They get it.
When you do it again, I suggest that you be totally upfront and honest with your therapist or doctor.
Also, if you are having a panic attack, tell them you are and that you don't remember everything and, you're cognitive function is messed up because of the anxiety, ya know? I did that and was told, calmly to "just take a deep breath and this will be fast, take a deep breath with me" It was nice to be acknowledged that I was having a terrible moment.
You did the best you could and that's all you can ask of yourself and, taking that first step is scary and you did it! You can do it again because you know what it's all like now and, not only you but, your brain will feel more prepared.
"Also, if you are having a panic attack, tell them you are and that you don't remember everything and, you're cognitive function is messed up because of the anxiety, ya know?"
I do this a lot.
Heck, my psych recently moved, and I was struggling and stressed that my next appointment is going to be a lot later than usual. (I think he got backlogged with clients and things like that from the move)
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So when I heard the news from the receptionist on the phone, it hit me like a ton of bricks. (because I really struggle with stress and change, along with other things)
But.. While I could tell that the receptionist (possible new receptionist I think BTW) was trying to get me off the phone, I must have asked her to repeat my next appoint date and time like 3 times. (while I was trying to write it down)
I was having, "brain fog" when it happened, and before I asked her the third time, I flat out calmly said, "Listen I struggle with anxiety and I'm doing the best that I can here". (still shocked from the office move and late appointment)
And like right after I said that, her tone changed and she was cool through the rest of the phone call.
Yeah, I've been there. I need to remind all of my providers of my struggles often.
Fog, omg I get it a lot. I get so out of touch and dysregulated that I can't retain anything or dig up anything. I freeze and feel dumb! Then, I explain it's my anxiety and they're usually understanding.
We are what we are. I feel as long as we're trying to get well, we're doing good.
"Fog, omg I get it a lot. I get so out of touch and dysregulated that I can't retain anything or dig up anything. I freeze and feel dumb! Then, I explain it's my anxiety and they're usually understanding."
This helps me out a little bit:
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1 - Post it notes left in plain sight.
2 - A Long To-Do List typed up on my computer of things that need to get done. (I try to do as many of these on my good or better days, and if they don't get done, they are still there - and I'm not wasting energy trying to remember all of them)
3 - I have appt reminders set up on my cell phone.
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For me.. It helps with the stress of constantly not trying to remember everything all the time.
I used to be (many years ago) one of those people that if it's in my head I would try to remember it all, but (especially as you get older) you need to look for ways to be smarter and not harder.
"I didn't realize it was going to be this difficult. The whole session I struggled but my heart stopped pounding as hard. I tried to tell her what I could remember about my own life lol. But being so anxious makes it hard to think. "
Sometimes when anxiety gets bad, (and sadly I've been dealing with some bad anxiety myself lately) we go through what I would like to call, "brain fog".
If you ever seen a lot of fog outside that it's hard to see things in front of you, or maybe the same effect with a steam shower. Either way, I'm sure you kinda get the point.
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That's why whenever I see my psych and stuff like that, I usually write different topics down on paper, and then I don't have as many moments where I feel like I'm forgetting to say things.
The therapist doesn't sound very understanding, it sounds like they cut the session short because they were uncomfortable and didn't take the time to ask you more about what was going on. Pushing yourself to do something that is scary and causes anxiety is progress, you made it through that you can try it again with someone different
I am 76 years old, been depressed and anxious since college, on and off every anti-depressant on the market, and had more therapists than I can remember, at least 12 of then. There was ONE that did me any good; the rest were a waste of time or actually harmful. I personally do not believe in therapy for anxiety or depression, although I have to believe it does help some people. It is VERY hard to find a therapist you are comfortable and compatible with, to make good use of time during the sessions, etc, Do not let one bad sessssion get to you. If you do want to do therapy you will just have to keep looking until you find a therapist you feel can help you and you are comfortable talking to. It may not be easy but that is what most people have to do.
You can do it again! Write things down and bring the notepad with you. I do the same thing I think of all these things I want to talk about, but if I don’t write them down, when I am with my psychologist I completely go blank. It gets better the more you meet with someone. I wish I knew how to get free therapy, but I don’t. If you are on your Mom’s insurance, find out what in person therapy you can go to. There should be mental health coverage that you can use, if they had an online option.
I had mentioned earlier that I hate to say it but prescription meds are needed. I say that because I wish we didn’t have to take the meds, but it does help bring you down to a workable level of calmness. Now if you can do it without meds I support that much more then meds. I wish I never started them, but I was at a point in my life that I didn’t know enough and wanted the problem “to go away”. I think with meds, there are always side effects that we have to accept and that’s not always good. Also going off meds is not pleasant. I did it once and was successful but it wasn’t fun and then I had to go back on them anyway. Again a choice I made due to the time in my life and my ignorance of anxiety and panic.
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Had My First Therapy Appointment Today
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First CBT/talking therapy appointment
Therapy session tomorrow 
