How to get rid of anxiety.

[Beevee]

Stop trying to get better.

One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to get rid of their anxiety. They think they have to protect themselves from feeling it. They hide away, avoid social interaction, run away from those thoughts and feelings, push them away. Feeling a certain way is not the cause of the struggle and prolonged suffering, it is not wanting to feel a certain way that keeps you struggling and suffering.

It is important to stress (not that you need more !) that the goal is not do things to stop yourself feeling it, it is to no longer care if you do feel anxious/depressed or not. This is why people spend a lot of time and money searching for the elusive cure in the next book, the next therapist, the next tablet, the next remedy, safety behaviours etc etc

Sorry but this approach is wrong and the reason why you haven’t made progress. You are still afraid of those pesky symptoms and as long as fear lurks in the shadows, the door is left open for anxiety to keep coming back.

To recover, you must actively go towards those thoughts and feelings to reveal the lies anxiety has been spinning, to desensitise and create new beliefs and habits. Don’t try and protect yourself by avoiding as this just demonstrates that you respect or believe the thoughts and feelings which feeds the anxiety. If you feed something, it grows in strength.

To starve anxiety, ask for more, dont hide away, reveal your anxiety to yourself and see it for what it really is. One big bluff, a con. You’ve been “had” all along. Dont treat it like you have to protect yourself from it (anxiety is designed to protect you so you you just go round in ever decreasing circles) of hide away from it, putting on an act hoping your secret is not revealed. Go from caring to not caring, go from trying to keep it at bay to welcoming it, go from trying to not feel it, to feeling it at will.

Trying everything to not feel it just keeps people stuck in the anxiety cycle. I made the same mistakes until I learned that the way to recover was to do the opposite and do nothing about it. Give up the battle with yourself.

Stop trying to figure out why they feel a certain way;

Stop trying to come across as normal;

Stop trying not to think about anxiety;

Stop trying to hold on to who you are;

Stop trying to find your old self;

Stop trying to feel a certain way;

Stop trying not to feel a certain way;

Stop trying to think a different way;

Stop trying to be somewhere else;

Stop trying to use mantras to ease the feelings;

Trying means you are still in fighting mode and not accepting your current state. It is always about you trying to feel different. This just tires your already tired mind even more. This is how obsessive thoughts develop. The mind is too tired to think of anything else and keeps playing the same thoughts over and over like a stuck record and stops you taking part with the world around you, adding more pressure to feel a certain way.

Anxiety feeds on your dislike of it. It leads to suppression tactics and the constant search for answers. It feeds on your fear of it so you hide away and let it dictate your life. Learn to stop feeding it by allowing it to be there without it dominating you and what you do.

You honestly don’t need anything more than a good understanding of anxiety and a change in attititude towards the symptoms. No coping strategies, no mantras, no safety behaviours, no magic tablet.

I learned to stop fighting myself, I stopped trying to escape from the way I felt. I gave up trying to control my mind and body which actually handed control back to me. I carried on doing normal things, went to work, exercised, socialised and took th3 anxiety with me. I trusted that my mind and body would fix itself. I still felt terrible for a while but reached the point where I didn’t worry about it and stopped caring which is what acceptance is all about.

Hope this helps.

[Lostjoy]

Hello,

your words do make sense. It's just applying them that is the difficult part.

I am so tired of fighting to gain control.

At what point did you start just going with it?

How long did you have the anxiety before it started to subside?

[Hidden]

Hi Beevee that is so true and thank you for posting it. I will add a little bit more if I may. Stop thinking you aren't good enough - ask yourself good enough for what? What standards are you following? Some mythical ones you think you should be living up to?

Accept that everyone is human including yourself and being human means we make mistakes so allow yourself to do so without self censure. Why hate yourself? Make it a policy never to hate anyone least of all yourself. You are all you have so you have no choice but to learn to accept and like yourself despite your faults. Everyone has faults just like everyone has good points and that includes you even if you can't see it.

Life isn't a race or a competition, it is about enjoying yourself and living the kind of life you want to. It's accepting that you are ok and good enough and stuff anyone else who says you are not! Who are they to judge you? That says far more about them than it does about you so remember that next time someone is trying to put you down.

It's ok to be anxious, afraid, shy etc. and very few people aren't sometimes at least. No one has a perfect happy life coz that doesn't exist. Instead of looking inward practise looking outward instead. Feel the fear and do it anyway. x

[Sprinkle1]

I read all thru your story, and I say good for you. But I have tried many of your suggestions and they did not work for me.I am gripped with anxiety, where it came from I do not know. My pharmacist told me the depression comes first and the anxiety follows,so we have to get rid of the depression. So I will take the med.s and try to live a normal life, but one big problem is the fatigue, it makes me very slow, but I get things done. When the anxiety is real bad (fear) it literally freezes me. and let me tell you I have dealing with this for decades and it does not get better with age. The amygdala is in charge - not me!!! I wish you well and hope you stay free of these terrors. in Peace Sprinkle 1

[mydogs in reply to Sprinkle1]

Dear sprinkle just came across you letter written two months ago I don't know if you are still on here if so let me know and I will get back to you I am having the same problem

[Sprinkle1 in reply to mydogs]

Hello Mydogs, how are you doing? I am still here, trying to learn and giving out help to others. Afrad I am still battling depression/anxiety. Somedays are better, some like today are lousy. I just slide thru it the best way I can!!!

I look forward to your email, and try to help you. Sending Love & Hugs. Sprinkle 1