Derealization

[Spooky99]

Hi! If anyone had time to read my bio that would help me. I find myself with feeling so anxious and things are not real. I had my granddaughter at mall. I had to sit and take a pill and pretend I was ok! Once the clonopin kicks in, I’m fine! I’ve been sober for a long time because of self medicating! But lately I think I’m nuts and feel like I’ll drink or something worse. Please help

[Starrlight]

Hi Spooky! I like your name. I read your bio. Blessings to you. Although you suffer (I know, I’m a worrier too and it hard) you are wise and strong.

[CLB1125]

I read your bio. You are a survivor! I am a worrier also. I second everything I have ever done and still do. Shopping malls and restaurants make me nervous and afraid. I feel lost and disoriented. My head spins. You are ok, not losing your mind or going nuts! It’s the nature of the beast we fight every single day. Glad you’re here.

[Audiomarc1]

Hi. I was prescribed Klonopin for anxiety and depression. It sure did help. However, the longer I took it the more I needed to take. I was up to 8 mg a day. This is coming close to overdosing. I was addicted to Klonopin, a very strong benzo. It has been compared to an addiction to Opioids. I was brought to an addiction hospital for help. I spent 2 weeks there to begin my detox. It took nearly a year to get cleane. I'm sorry for such a long story but please do not get involved with benzou,- Klonopin. It kill you. Good luck.

[Audiomarc1 in reply to Audiomarc1]

Sorry it's me again. There are other medications that should help with your anxiety and depression that are not nearly as dangerous as Klonopin. Please don't drink when taking Klonopin. It exacerbates the strength of Klonopin. I've heard horror stories regarding mixing alcohol and benzo's.

[Spooky99 in reply to Audiomarc1]

I won’t! I’m in AA. Geez I did a lot of drinking and Xanax back in the day!!!! I didn’t care about myself ! Clonopin is the only medicine that allows me to function. I’ll be 56 and at this point I don’t see getting off it. My main fear is the derealization when having an attack. Thank you for your kind words

[Audiomarc1 in reply to Spooky99]

Hi Spooky. It's good to know that that you have taken your health seriously - AA. It's tough when you find something that helps you cope with life but can end up being more of a problem than you realize. Good luck and let me know how everything is going for you. Best of health to you.

[Spooky99 in reply to Audiomarc1]

Thank you. I don’t tell people in aa. They would say I’m not sober. My sponsor knows. I don’t abuse it. I sure did when I was young. This whole thing has me upset.. now I’m worrying about the clonopin when I feel so horrible to begin with.

[Hidden in reply to Spooky99]

Yeah, they'll frown upon it. It's ok bc you aren't abusing it. Don't worry, or, try not to. We're here to help! Hugggggg

[Spooky99 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you 😊 hugs to you

[Audiomarc1 in reply to Spooky99]

Spooky, I didn't mean to spook you (lol). If used carefully, Klonopin can be a great help. I however was on it way way too long. It really isn't meant to be a long term solution. It really should be used when you feel down, anxious, OCD, etc. That's the way it started out for me. It just became part of my daily meds and my Dr should have kept a better handle on it with me. I say, live and learn. That's what's great about this therapy site, people will give you their issues and how they deal with them. It's basically educating us on alternatives. You then have to determine how you use this information. It's a work in progress.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Audiomarc1]

Why do you believe Klonopin is more dangerous than other benzos? I did a quick search, and I can't find anything. Thanks.

[Hidden in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I take Klonopin every day and have for years, 20 to be exact and, my dose did go up but only slightly. It's very therapeutic imo. I take 3mg a day as needed which it usually is. Don't worry about it, everyone is different.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Hidden]

Thanks! 3 mg. at once, or divided doses?

[Hidden in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Oh it's divided. 1mg pills 3x a day as needed.

[Audiomarc1 in reply to Hidden]

You're absolutely correct. Our bodies are all different regarding how we process medications. I however need more of the Klonopin get me satisfied. I was in it for 12 years so I have a history with it. I just wanted to share my experience with Klonopin and how it eventually became a problem for me.

[Hidden in reply to Audiomarc1]

Idk if I'm understanding properly but, I totally respect that. I wasn't being an asshole, I promise. I look at controlled substances very seriously. My wife is a substance use disorder counselor (an education that I was involved in everyday whether I wanted to be or not lol) so, I understand. It can spin out of control before you know it. Klonopin is suggested to use as a short term solution but idk if I agree with that suggestion, ya know? Our bodies are different and what works for one maybe won't work for another. Anyway I'm sorry if I offended. Didn't mean to.

[Audiomarc1 in reply to Hidden]

No offense taken 😁. We are all going through different issues regarding our physical and mental health. I just wanted to share my experience with benzo's. I wish I spoke with your wife when troubles began with me. But hey, I was able to come out of it with most of my mind intact, although my wife said that my mind was never intact lol. Talk again soon.

[Hidden in reply to Audiomarc1]

Lol right.

Yes, she's helpful to me as well, as she's also studying to be a therapist. I'm glad you came out of it, truly.

Anyway, no harm done 🙂

[Spooky99 in reply to Audiomarc1]

Yes I agree. I didn’t know what it was in 1990 and it’s too late for me. I have to be able to get out the door. Believe me I was young and panic attacks were never heard of ! I was told I was crazy. I had cat scans done. It’s freaking traumatizing. If they took it away , I’d rather be dead. Same with alcohol … I abused it , it effected my life in a horrible way !!! Klonopin helps me live. If I was young I would get off it I think. But it’s been 30 yrs. I don’t care anymore

[Hidden in reply to Spooky99]

Yeah, 20 years for me. I understand.

[Spooky99 in reply to Audiomarc1]

I read this second. I have been on this for decades and never past 2mg a day. Of course when they gave me this when I was in my 20’s I had NOOOO IDEA what it was!!! I’m 55 now. If I have to increase ??? I just won’t. I heard with drawl is horrific. I hope to live to 80. But I doubt that will happen. The side effects are horrible in the long run. It’s a double edge sword. 😞

[Hidden in reply to Spooky99]

I read your profile and I can relate a lot. I worry constantly. Klonopin is therapeutic but, it kinda is a double edged sword. You can't just stop taking it, you've gotta taper it but that's a whole other issue lol

[Audiomarc1 in reply to Spooky99]

How did I know. My shrink kept refilling the prescription and increased it when I asked. I never thought that this could happen. BTW, when he first prescribed Klonopin, it was for 4mg per day. He then increased it to 6mg per day. But when I first started taking it, the amount I needed was much less than my prescription. So I started to stockpile Klonopin. This went on for years until I literally had 500 or more in reserve. Well, the rest is history. It was good talking with you.

[Spooky99 in reply to Audiomarc1]

Wow!!! Glad you stopped!!! Your lucky!

[Nothing_but_books]

Just in case you didn't know, HU has a "Drink Free" forum. Maybe you'll get extra support there.

[Spooky99 in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Thank you so much!!!! That’s good to know!!!!

[designguy]

I had high-functioning anxiety disorder for years and also found that klonopin was the only med that made a difference for my anxiety and it helped but what i also had to do was learn what anxiety really is and how best to deal with it. The reality of anxiety is that it's a paradox and the more you struggle with it and try to fight and deny it the more it persists. The solution is to learn to desensitize yourself from the anxious feelings and to not believe the anxious thoughts because they are lies and distortions and are no longer serving you. It takes time and effort but knowing what is really going on and how to really heal it helps lessen the fear about it. You can use the klonopin to help you learn to tolerate the anxious feelings over time. I recommend the DARE Anxiety book and youtube videos and also the website/youtube of Paige Pradko for learning how best to heal.

[Spooky99 in reply to designguy]

Thank you so much!!! I think I have been dwelling on it and obsessed with it , and like you said I am making it worse!!!! I appreciate what you said!!! I ordered a book by Claire Weekes. I did have the book Dare. For some reason I can’t remember, something bothered me in the book lol. I shut it and donated it. I don’t remember what it was! Maybe he was saying to bring on an attack. I can’t remember lol. Im really going to use this group. I feel so much better reading your words!!! Thank you!!!!

[designguy in reply to Spooky99]

Claire Weekes has some great books, the guy who wrote the DARE book credits her for helping him, it's whatever works for you. I found the DARE book's method and advice more practical than hers but like I said, it's whatever helps you. They also have a lot of videos to watch on youtube for free and there are some of Claire Weekes also. The harsh truth is that both authors advocate allowing and not resisting the anxious feelings and what helped me was purposely "daring" them to happen and even get stronger and last longer. It took persistence and time and the inevitable setbacks but it worked for me.

[Spooky99 in reply to designguy]

So you let them happen? And learned how to get through one? I always Run.. look for comfort

[designguy in reply to Spooky99]

All that does is perpetuate them and it's what has maintained them for you, the problem now is that you are not facing a dangerous threat like a tiger attacking you but your nervous system still reacts like you are because we are all hard wired that way. The reality is that panic/anxiety is a really a paradox and the more you fight it or deny it the more and longer it persists so the solution is to surrender to the anxious feelings and know that they won't last to long and to not feed it with negative anxious thoughts. It takes time and commitment to desensitize yourself to the feelings but over time it will happen. When I had anxiety attacks I thought of myself as rolling up in a ball like I was being attacked by a bear, being still and letting the bear pass by me until I was safe again. To heal anxiety/panic you have to get comfortable to being uncomfortable for a time inorder to really be comfortable. The other really important thing is learning to never believe your anxious thoughts and reinforce to yourself that they are lies no matter how weird or scary they are. As you heal you will inevitably suffer setbacks but they are a normal part of the healing process and will get shorter over time as you heal. The bottom line is that you can't get over anxiety/panic by continuing to do what hasn't worked in the past or just reading about it.

[Spooky99 in reply to designguy]

Thank you!! Ugh I figured I’d have to let it happen and work through it. It has been much easier to avoid certain things. But I can’t avoid this one thing. I’m going to work on it! I’m scared. For example my son got married a few years back, and being in the first pew at church had me so worried! I had to look for all the exist doors. Lol. I was getting antsy and was so glad to get out! I know I’ll never get better by reading about it.

[designguy in reply to Spooky99]

You're welcome and yes it will be scary at times for a while, but later on you will look back and wonder what was the big deal. Think of it as just retraining your mind and body which is what you are actually doing, you'll be so glad you made the effort and did it. Knowing and understanding what is really going on also helps lessen the fear and makes it easier, especially when you experience the inevitable setbacks on the way.