Feeling hopeless

[topaz1968]

I feel like the world is against me in a way that I have never felt before. This past summer has, by far, been the worst summer of my life.

Bad things keep happening to me and my family and just when I feel like things are improving, we are hit with something else.

It started with my mother breaking her back and spending weeks/months in the hospital and rehab. She is 85 years old and lives 2 hours away from me, so I cannot always go see her. I did go up as much as possible while she was in the hospital and rehab. She has 24/7 care but she is definitely still not doing well.

Then, my son graduated college, found a job, and was let go 2 weeks later, just after buying a car. He is still looking for a job. He struggles immensely with anxiety and depression and has been going through a lot of inner turmoil lately, so I have been trying to help him but it is very difficult.

A job that I was supposed to have over the summer fell through, and our income decreased by quite a bit. I work during the school year but since it is only part time, I do not get paid over the summer. I have yet to find a full time teaching job in my field.

Now, one of our cats is very sick and we may need to let him go soon. Of course, this is my son's cat, so this is adding greatly to his depression.

I cannot seem to stop crying and my anxiety and depression is through the roof. I can barely eat or manage to do anything.

My husband is an asshole and it is also very difficult to live with him for both me and my son, but we have never been financially stable to leave. It is not a dangerous situation but just very taxing.

I see a therapist once a week, but right now, I feel every fiber of my being is crying out for help that I am not sure I can get. I am basically taking on everything myself and don't get much support. I just feel hopeless and tired and extremely unmotivated. I am trying to stay strong for my son but if I can't be strong for myself, it is hard to be strong for other people.

My son is also one that has had one bad thing after another happen to him and he struggles with his past. Mostly bullying from high school. He also has a therapist, but I don't find that it is working. He was using pot to help with his anxiety, and I was OK with that. He does not abuse it and it is legal here. However, he has recently developed bronchitis/asthma and is on an inhaler. He has stopped smoking in order to heal and edibles don't seem to work for him. It really was the only thing helping him and now, he can't even do that at the moment. I know that sounds like a crutch, but it truly does help him.

Sorry for the long story and rant. I am dangling by a thread and trying to use every resource and tool I have learned but they are not helping right now.

[Xack]

I think you should talk to your son.. You both have common struggles. Talk, cry, brainstorm.. Having an open heart talk can relief your pain even if talking didnt bring up solutions. Also consider traveling and spending a week you and your son to your mom's house. Gathering with family and being near to your mom and also having break from your husband are great benefits from that week.

[optimismrus]

I'm really sorry you are faced with obstacles and problems that seem overwhelming. I say "seem" because you would surely be able to handle each challenge one at a time. First of all I advise your your son to continue to use cannabis edibles. I've used edibles for years to find a way to relax and let down the walls that make me feel uptight. I like Xack's advice to find a way to get away for even a day will feel like a vaca . Therapy works better if "we work it". Reading, journaling and attending meetings with like-minded people will help, they did for me. This takes effort and courage. It may lead to a spiritual awakening the way AA does for alcoholics. Most importantly take it one day, one step at a time. Thank God you can use this website to vent! We want to help by listening and supporting you in finding what works for you.

[GriffinK]

I’m so sorry to hear about your mom and son. I can only imagine how this is been on you. I love the other comment about visiting your mom with your son. It allows you to spend time with your family to heal. I spent two weeks with my dad when I was having bad anxiety. It helped greatly and improved our relationship.

Don’t be afraid to share with your therapist and follow up with your son’s regarding your feelings.

I’m learning how to express myself more and let go of some of the emotions. It will take time and it’s okay to be with family.

I work in the school system as well. There is such a need for teachers and substitutes. Perhaps you could consider a long term sub position while you’re assisting your son and mom.

~Lila