I have decided to share more details about my situation so that perhaps this can help others too, and we can learn ways to cope from each other.
I will go from now through 12 following days of being in a very vulnerable and lonely state that I know I can't handle totally on my own. I need to feel I connect with this community - where some of you have already showed me your support. Knowing that I'm really not alone in this reduces my symptoms and calms me down until I learn better ways to cope with it.
I have crippling anxiety, panic, deep fear given my life circumstances. I'm unemployed and I don't have anyone around, except for my brother that comes to see me once a week. I have no purpose and see no future for myself. My anxiety, worries and catastrophic thoughts and loneliness are eating me alive. My doctor and therapist are on holiday while I'm in crisis, I can only contact them in an emergency. I could contact my doctor two days ago and he suggested to increase Zoloft which I did.
I'm in such anxious state that I struggle to even go to the grocery shop and eat OK.
I know I need to do things and it's not good for me to stay in bed but it's hard to do this things when you're this hopeless state.
I'd appreciate any forms of support, success stories, specific coping skills to try during this time, insight, someone to speak to during these days regularly.
I'm grateful I'm part of this community.
♥️
Written by
Milliewaterlilly
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I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. Posting is a good idea. It not only helps to write things down but it also helps to get feedback from the group.
I'm also sorry to hear your psych team is on vacation. This leaves you in a very difficult spot. You must feel alone and vulnerable.
Have you tried to practice mindfulness. It doesn't have to be long and involved. I like to sit with a cup of coffee and just listen to the birds. Close your eyes and let everything else go but that sound. Even if it's for 5 minute it helps reduce some anxiety.
Thanks Dolphin 🐬. I believe I'm in such distress that it's hard for me to follow any meditation. I get more stressed when I realise I can't meditate, I beat myself up for it. I also feel my doctor is a good doctor but he's losing patience with me. Maybe it's just my impression. I am spending many hours all alone, I have too much free time to ruminate. I'd help me to have someone with me every day but that's not possible. My brother says he just wants to come once a week.
I'm living abroad and my family lives away too. They know I'm struggling and they can be supportive sometimes but in general they don't know how to help and generally they can cause more harm with their words, even if it's not intentionally. They make me feel bad for being struggling.
That's ok about the meditation. It's hard for some people. But perhaps you can try to stare out the windows at something or listen to something. It's the brief moments that help us build coping skills.
Do you like the rain or the ocean sounds? Some find that peaceful. Put it on in the background.
Your thoughts of your team being frustrated may be your own as you said. I remember going through that. I would say that to them. I felt like I wasn't making progress and it was draining them. They were very supportive and assured me they were in it for the long haul with me, a team
No wonder you are feeling alone. You are separated from your family.
We are a group of people that know how you feel. Please don't ever hesitate to reach out.
I am so glad you are here posting. We are all here for you and will be for the next 12 days. It is going to take a little time for the increase in Zoloft to take effect. Mindfulness is great. You could also try guided meditation on YouTube. Having someone talking you through can help you to focus on their voice instead of focusing on your thoughts. I know it is a struggle to go to the grocery shop and eat ok, but do your best. Try to do anything that makes you feel better reading, watching tv, music...Resist the urge to stay in bed if you can. Just focus on doing one small thing at a time. Don't think about the whole day, break it down into steps. Can you talk to your brother on the phone while you are going through this difficult time? Stay connected here. You are not alone.
I know your problems are huge and your problems won't go away by listening to music, but the music will help you cope. It is just about feeling a little better in the moment even if you can't solve the problem. Is there anything else you like to do?
welcome Millie ,Youlle be ok here glad you joined ,many of us have been in that position ,crippling anxiety and depression ,nurse dolphin will help you and agora1 will guide you along
On the other hand, how should I approach the relationship with my brother and the rest of my family living abroad? From a parent point of view, would you prefer your daughter calling you and saying she's struggling or having limited but still loving communication, as I have now (via WhatsApp every day), without revealing how big is the struggle. In this last case I'm worried my dad will get anxious too, worry or even manipulate me telling me I should go back home (I won't do that since it's not a safe environment). He has some narcissistic traits.
You see your brother once a week. Are you able to talk to him on the phone daily? I am not a parent so I can't speak to that. Definitely don't go back home if that isn't a safe environment.
Just to connect so that you don't feel alone. Not necessarily to talk about your struggles unless he is open to that. Did you turn on some music right now? What else do you like to do?
Good for you for putting the music on! So you like watching good movies. Do you have cable tv? Could you try watching a movie at least once a day? Maybe that could give you something to do when you get up?
do you and your dad share any common interests? Maybe you could talk about that. Just connecting helps, it doesn’t have to be a serious conversation all the time. If you need to connect with him but don’t want to talk about your problems say something like remember when we went to the lake? I was just thinking about that day. Sometimes just the sound of their voice relaxes our minds. I for one can not meditate for the life of me. I’m like i can do this…30 seconds in, did I take out the hamburger for dinner? I think I left the light on…and that’s as far as I get!! But music helps me relax.
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