I feel like I’m slowly going insane and I’m petrified

[Danzdanz123]

I don’t wanna go outside cause just seeing everything scares me I have existential dread and I feel frustration I’m so depressed and it feels like I know I’m going Insane and feels like there’s nothing that can help me and it’s so scary I hate it. I don’t want to end up like my dad but it’s like I get intrusive thoughts that I’m so frustrated I’ll do something bad i feel weird and it feels like I can’t get the motivation to live because I’ve thought so deeply about life and I’m scared of it, I just wanna sleep all day to avoid but I can’t switch off I’m so scared what can I do?

[Danzdanz123]

I just hate the same routine I hate where I am in life right now and I don’t have the motivation to get better I just wanna lay here but I get frustrated, I don’t even want to go out or see friends but I also don’t want to be alone but I feel scared being around people and I panic about it all.

[Hidden in reply to Danzdanz123]

all I can say is I know how you feel I share the same emotions but we’re in different boats. I wish I had words that could help you, but I don’t. It seems that we were all made to suffer in this world.

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Hidden]

i am so sorry you feel that way right now Hidden. I know I have felt that way too. Know that suffering is a great indicator that we need to change something in our lives. This is overwhelming, but I find it gives hope too. There is always something new to try, a new way to look at things, a new way to find hope. I like "Get out of your mind and into your life" a workbook, and books by David Burns. "Feeling Great".

[Danzdanz123 in reply to LoveforAll41]

I’ll search this book up!

[nobodyWA]

I feel the same way, scared and panic... I don't know what to do. Like Im stuck.

[nobodyWA in reply to nobodyWA]

I wonder if it helps if people like us get together.

[Agora1 in reply to nobodyWA]

Hi nobodyWA, your question could be a post in itself as to what

others think. My theory on this is that being together on this support

platform can offer us the comfort in knowing we are not alone on this

journey. We can even learn from each other.

As for "people like us to get together", if you meant in reality, I'm afraid

it would stifle us from emotionally growing. We may tend to be enabled

in this pattern of fear that we are all in.

Taking a step forward on our own is a powerful action that we may not

do if around others holding us back. Just my thoughts xx

[nobodyWA in reply to Agora1]

Hi, I appreciate the response. But I personally think it would help to share in person over coffee or walks. Not to drown each other further. Like a meetup. But again I don't know how possible it is. Thanks!

[Agora1 in reply to nobodyWA]

Hi dear. If you mean getting together with people on this platform, that

would have to be an individual decision since anonymity is a priority on HU.

I hope you get some answers to your question. Please be safe in doing that xx

[nobodyWA in reply to Agora1]

Gotcha!

[PuzzleArt in reply to nobodyWA]

I think that your desire to share in person is very good. The opportunities I had to share in person in a group were interrupted first because they shut down, and now because I can't drive to a regular group because of an injury. I plan to get connected again in person and I feel that wanting to is very healthy. The phone groups, or in this case email, are very good in the meantime, while working on a goal of getting outsude my apartment, and/or finding someone to drop in and visit .

[nobodyWA in reply to PuzzleArt]

How about online meetup? Id be up to it if someone would organize it as I don't know the safety rules and such..

[PuzzleArt in reply to nobodyWA]

I would participate in an online group. I'm not sure what all the guidelines are in the group which is part of adaa.org. I like peer-run groups where people take turns volunteering to lead for a while. The main qualification for joining is just needing support and a place to find solutions for very similar problems. It doesn't have to be led by a person with a license or degree. The main thing is that the identity or actual address of where members live, is kept confidential for safety. Some peer-run groups can also be attended in person, although my locations does not have very many available close enough to be convenient, and bus service varies. I think that meeting either by phone, email or online is a good solution.

[Weatherwoman in reply to nobodyWA]

I, agree, that a "meetup" in person for those of us who live close by would be Very helpful & we would not feel So alone. But, I do know that on HU we cannot reveal where we live so that can't work. Any other suggestions are appreciated!

[Danzdanz123 in reply to nobodyWA]

yep it such a weird feeling like I’m this really bad person and then I think baxk on my lifw and I’ve recognised all the times I’ve felt like this and over the years has just got worse and worse and it makes me feel like will I ever recover or will I recover and then one day it’s even worse. I’m practically bed ridden, I’m only getting up to wash or try eat, the only thing that helps in some way is laying down and being on my phone. Everything else feels overwhelming I don’t understand life at all I feel lost and afraid and feel weird.

[PuzzleArt in reply to Danzdanz123]

At one time I would not go into a grocery store because it was so overwhelming. That was because all the sights and sounds of people and objects couldn't be separated in my mind. I couldn't focus on or see, for example, one item and the path I needed to take to its location. That's the best I can describe it now. It took time for that condition in me to heal and I wish I knew more about it so I could help someone else. I really don't know how it happened in the first place, and why it finally left. I just know now it is possible that things which have lasted a long time can change.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to PuzzleArt]

Yep I think that’s like derealisation, I’ve been getting that very badly where everything looks so weird then I freak out and think I’m going crazy.

[nobodyWA in reply to Danzdanz123]

Hangin there, Danzdanz.

[Weatherwoman in reply to Danzdanz123]

Just read a suggestion of an on-line group --Good idea, I'm In!

[Weatherwoman in reply to Weatherwoman]

How would we set up an on-line group? Would it be a Zoom type group.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Weatherwoman]

Would be a great idea xx

[Weatherwoman in reply to Danzdanz123]

Okay with an online group for people on HU who would like that. I am not savvy on computers re. setting up an online Zoom Group --anyone wanting to, let us know

[gerrerd]

The best way to change is self hypnosis. I started to listen to it 42 years ago, turned things around for me. I used the tapes from Potentials unlimited. First the relaxation one then later the self confidence one. It changed my life, and began a journey of self discovery. Highly recommended.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to gerrerd]

I will try it’s really hard for me to relax, which ones would you recommend?

[Danzdanz123 in reply to gerrerd]

Arh apologies you did mention I will give them a try

[LoveforAll41]

I am so sorry Danzdanz. I know I have had times when I wanted to give up. I have spent a solid month without leaving my apartment before. Take this with a grain of salt, but I did end up packing up and moving back into my parent's place with the intention of never leaving again and essentially giving up on life. My roommates came and got me and baked up some pot brownies. (yes, illegal, and yes, I am religious and this is VERY frowned upon). Anyway, it was a relief in a big way and a nice jump to get me back into therapy and back on antidepressants.

I just want to try to illustrate that there are options. Now you can get CBD or medical marijuana in many places, I am currently working with ketamine therapy, like gerrerd said there is self-hypnosis. Hang in there Danzdanz, I wish I was near you and could give you a hug. Never give up. Know that often times just living another day is a victory. I know that sometimes the thought of taking a shower would give me huge anxiety, overwhelm me, and make me more depressed. Those days a shower is a victory. (I definitely went weeks without a shower). There is hope. I wish I was near you and could give you a hug. You are worthwhile, you are wonderful, you are doing the best you can with the tools you have.

I wish you peace, hope, and strength.❤️

[Danzdanz123 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Thank you so much this means a lot, it’s like I’m so depressed I panic, my imagination runs wild to the point where I think such crazy things then get scared I’m going crazy, I don’t see the point in anything at all, it’s worse on a morning hate it. Thank you for support means a lot, I’m so scared to take anti depressants, I’m taking magnesium every morning hoping for a miracle. I’m glad you are doing okay now?

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Danzdanz123]

Ah yes, mornings can be very rough. I am doing pretty well currently. I like to beat myself up about not having completed university when I started right out of high school and making more money and being in a better place career wise now so that I could better provide for my family.

I was on antidepressants for a few years then when I got married was doing well and stopped taking them. I lasted for 5 or 6 years and then crashed and burned. I went to in-patient care at a recovery center for a few weeks and got back on an antidepressant. There are a lot of them out there, and it is scary/sad to think that you might need them for a long time. At least now most are cheap. Anyway, like they say, if you had a broken leg or high blood pressure or a vitamin deficiency you would take a pill. Why not do the same for your mental health?

That being said I think that a lot of things can be taken care of naturally, and I think therapy is the #1 best cure for most of us. Have you found a good therapist?

[Danzdanz123 in reply to LoveforAll41]

Don’t ever beat yourself up about that, it just might have not been your path. I still haven’t taken the medication I’m too scared, I stupidly got drunk a few months back and my friend had hash on him I hate weed and all that stuff but we thought being so drunk it was a funny idea to eat the hash it was an awful 6 hours of panic and I feel like I’ve been triggered since then and now I’m scared that I’m slowly going insane from it there were a few weeks were I picked up but something stressful happened and I went back to square one. I really hope I’ve not messed up my mind from a stupid drunken mistake. I was seeing a therapist but I don’t think he’s for me.

[LoveforAll41]

i am sorry about your dad Danzdanz, if you don't mind me asking, how did he end up? No need to answer if you prefer not to.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to LoveforAll41]

He has scrizophrenia I don’t even know how to spell but even me typing it gives me some fear. I didn’t grow up with him thankfully, and I don’t really remember much as a baby, but it sucks that he has that I don’t want it I hope I mostly have my mums genes.

[LoveforAll41 in reply to Danzdanz123]

I think the best thing that you could possibly do is put in work on your mental health. I think you are working on the right stuff and going in the right direction.

[Junella in reply to Danzdanz123]

I don't think it is hereditary.

[Junella]

This sounds a lot like agoraphobia which I had as a young adult. Even going to the store was frightening. However, it seems like you should see a counselor if you haven't already and maybe medication from a doctor only (careful on that one as they are hard to get off of). Please don't experiment with pot or any other drug.

I knew a lady that never went out of her house for years--don't let that happen.

Desensitization helped me and these days there are many natural therapies as mindfulness, exercise and healthy eating that can go a long way to cure it and training the mind to positive thinking. You can find these on line.

Desensitizing means going out for a short time and going a little farther each time. Like starting with walking 5 or 10 or 15 mins each day and add to it.

[Danzdanz123 in reply to Junella]

I managed to get up today and wash up which is a huge step but I keep getting existential thoughts so I’ve laid back down again and my phone is a good distract although I know it won’t help but it’s the only thing that does at the moment.