Frozen

[aWorriedOne]

I had a bad day. I didn't maintain many values and I disassociated majority of my day away. I'm trying to relax my mind but I just keep locking up, mentally and physically. I just sit on the bed. I try to distract my mind with my phone, but checking social media only made me more anxious. I want to sleep, I was going to take a melatonin, but I don't want to if I know my brain will not properly shut down.

I feel so frayed at all my seams and fatigued. My anxiety is just a gentle gnawing reminder, but enough to keep me from calming down. I've let myself cry, I've played with my cat, I put on my new favorite podcast. But I can't focus on any of it. Even crying, i let itt happen and then it just fades into a general sense of unease. I can't force it or I'll end up spiraling and fusing with my headspace.

I don't quite know what to do.

[TangledUpIn]

I think you just put into words what I have been feeling. Amazing how well you nailed it. I don't have suggestions to give to you at this point, I just wanted to support you. 😙

[aWorriedOne in reply to TangledUpIn]

It is nice to know I'm not alone. ❤️ We'll be okay.

[hypercat54]

Hi not sure what you mean by saying you didn't maintain many values? Can you clarify this please?

[aWorriedOne in reply to hypercat54]

Copy Pasting because I'm not the best at defining:

""Values are “fundamental attitudes guiding our mental processes and behavior” that “produce the belief that life is meaningful and serve as a measure of how meaningful one’s actions are, that is, consistent with that person’s value system” (Vyskocilova et al., 2015).

Values clarification is an aspect of CBT that involves identifying a patient’s personal value system and creating a hierarchy of values that are important to that patient.

This value system is used to set treatment goals for the patient and can help a patient exit their comfort zone in order to improve their quality of life."" - end of copy paste.

I have values for self-care, working out, eating 3x a day, self-reflecting, and cleaning. There's more but those are the main.

[hypercat54 in reply to aWorriedOne]

I am well aware what values are, but I wouldn't use that word for good habits.

I think you are putting yourself under far too much pressure and while you feel like this one good habit is enough to try and achieve at a time.

Then don't beat yourself up over not achieving these but rather praise yourself for managing one of them. That is still a victory.

We are not robots but human beings so stop stressing yourself out over them.

That's my advice anyway.

[aWorriedOne in reply to hypercat54]

I misunderstood your initial question then. The only reason I call those values if because a therapy journal on CBT referred to those types of things as values. I was under the assumption that values and habits can be the same or quite similar. But I could have not read the right kind of article.

I didn't mean to appear to be hard on myself, I was more so trying to figure out why I felt so bad. I just had a general sense of unease without knowing a cause. I didn't know if it was because I didn't maintain those habits or if it was more than that.

[012703060610]

I think I get what you are saying.....you have tried all the tricks in the bag and nothing came to fruition. You really did sum up exactly how my day was yesterday. I am often alone and I think that is when we all suffer the most. I too yesterday could not settle my emotions. My entire game plan for the day was my plan...I needed to get ready to travel. Well, I'm not getting on that plane today. I need to be on it, but I just can't handle it right now. I was only discharged from the hospital not that long ago for pneumonia.

Nonetheless, I spent yesterday walking in circles, talking to myself both nicely and then angry, sobbing, and trying to find a mantra to get motivated. Then one thing goes wrong with my family, who can be nuts, and my brain exploded. It truly is exhausting trying to figure everything out. I tend to think about things but always end up in the same spot in the end. It's always circular thinking which isn't helpful.

Back to the brain shutting down. This too is my top issue. When I want to finally sleep and I am exhausted, the switch just stays on and the worries keep coming. A few things started to help at night time when my brain is on over drive versus helping me......1-Literally sitting and having a cup of decaf tea looking outside at my yard. I try to focus simply on nature itself. I am lucky to have a ground hog family living here and a fox that is constantly trying to get them. We have deer and bear too. It's a nice distractions just keeping an eye out on nature. It also does not require me leaving the house. 2-I have a breathing tool that does help. Very skeptical when my husband got it for me. It's just a tiny necklace (if you want to wear around your neck). There are so many brands...but here is the link at the end to the one my husband got me. I don't do well with meditation, so I was very skeptical but it truly helps. Now yesterday I couldn't find where mine was and that was an issue. 3-Coming to this site and responding to others posts or just reading them. I find so much value in each post that people write. It helps to know we aren't alone but it also feels good to at least try to help. I know many suggestions won't work for some, but I always like trying to help a little if I can. It seems that I can't focus on people who aren't struggling like many of us because they don't understand what we are all facing.

We are all here for you. And you aren't alone and you aren't crazy. You exhaustion is real and your pain is real.

komusodesign.com

(Also on Amazon, of course!)

[aWorriedOne in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you for the recommendation, I'll have to save that for another time as it's quite a bit out of my budget.

I want to try new things for relaxing, but I live in a relatively busy area. There is no wildlife anymore and its just cars going by even though I live in a very rural area. That is one of the things that adds to my stress. I love being in the country, but my small town has exploded and there are way too many people for the infrastructure (a lot of californians/new yorkers are moving to my state) and its just a bunch of rich cars flying down the road without care to any animals. Its the south, people let their dogs and cats out to roam, but these people aren't from here and don't seem to care to adapt to country life. I used to love sitting outside and relaxing, but now it's a startle every time some sportsy 2023 supped up car go rip-roaring down my 25 mph road at 40+ mph (My street is sadly the cut through to avoid one of the only red lights in town.) That being lost, I'm restricted to indoor only techniques that have nothing to do with looking outside. That only makes me feel boxed in. I used to love going for drives, but the previous stated people have also ruined that relaxation.

I will be moving, but not for another year or more. I will try some decaf tea, I love tea but I haven't tried decaf. I might consider stopping all caffeinated drinks in general.

[012703060610 in reply to aWorriedOne]

I also gave up caffeine and it has helped quite a bit in reducing anxiety. I am so sorry about the traffic. I know all too well how disruptive it can be. I think you have a really good attitude though and I really appreciated reading the values description. I haven't ever heard it explained that way and you hit the nail on the head.

I lived in New York City for a short period and I couldn't deal with it. I loved it for a short period, but it got old fast. I never slept because it was always chaos and busy. I long for my home town that was quiet and quaint. It is very sad that people are racing around with no concern for the animals. Pets are truly a gift. We live in a relatively quiet neighborhood that is between two rivers so we lucked out for now. However, we are in an area that will soon become a city and we didn't want that at all. I literally just convinced my husband to get a cat. I'd love a dog, but apparently they bring in a lot of germs humans aren't used to and I am on heavy immunosuppressive drugs. I just want a pal along my side. I have wanted a service dog for so long!

Sorry I showed you the expensive tool for breathing. They are actually pretty cheap....my husband just wanted to go all out on Christmas the year I got it. Amazon has one that is only $8 and I've found others that are even cheaper. I only suggest it because it really does help me. I fought using it too with my husband and then one day in desperation I pulled it out and I was like WOW!

A lot of what I am learning is how to reset our Vagus nerve which controls a lot of anxiety. Yoga and meditation are good for this as well as breathing. For my physical ailments I actually see a voice therapist. One of my diseases literally eats my cartilage and my throat is slowly narrowing over time....it's literally a death sentence. In our sessions, I learned some manual manipulation techniques to reset the nerve and get back on track. Having anxiety flares only brings out my autoimmune flares too. My disease is releasing so remission will never be achieved....it is scary as all can be. Sharing an article as it may be of interest and a link to the breathing tool that is realistically priced! Who knew one nerve in our body could control SO much. Thank you for such positive posts and for all of the information!

health.clevelandclinic.org/....

amazon.com/Anxiety-Necklace...

[aWorriedOne in reply to 012703060610]

I really appreciate your willingness to talk about your own experiences. Thank you for your help. I hope you're able to settle into a long relaxing life between your rivers.