simply don’t belong

[CaliBoa22]

so now that I’m doing better mentally I like to reflect on what I feeling when depressed. N I did get a lil suicidal but it was never that I hated myself or that I hated my life (ok maybe sometimes lmao) but for the most part I just simply never felt connected to the world like I just don’t belong here. I dread participating in society cause that’s just a depressing system but isn’t everything just a depressing system? How am I supposed to feel like I’m not rotting when everything around me is. I literally hate leaving the house n seeing the homeless n remembering my own trauma with poverty. N I don’t see a way out of a “work to live” life n I don’t want to do that. It’s not for me it’s not a vibe But it’s how the world works so I need to make it my vibe. I also have horrible discipline but it cause I have a “id literally rather die” mindset instead of a will to do anything lmao I’m working on it lmao

[Marysblue]

Im glad you're working on it. I believe things will get better.