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Happiness for introverts: What do you... - Anxiety and Depre...
Happiness for introverts
Written by
Starrlight
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96 Replies
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I’m the same way. Love to laugh but I can as easily laugh by myself and I love animals because they don’t judge just love.
That's all me! I believe it. I enjoy being alone, and always have. How are you today Starrlight ? ✨️✨️✨️✨️
Starrlight in reply to
Hi Swilly! I’m having a rough day with intrusive thoughts but reminding myself it will pass. How are you doing?
in reply to Starrlight
Same 😔. I'm looking for videos on intrusive thoughts today on YouTube. Also, I'm trying to distract myself. 😕 I hope you're able to find some peace bc, this too shall pass. ✨️
Starrlight in reply to
Yes! We can do this and there are better times ahead. So far the shoes med I found to distract are triggering me. Oh well what can ya do!?
in reply to Starrlight
I'm sometimes caught by surprise at what triggers my anxiety. It's a lot these days. My PTSD gets triggered too and has me highly alert and sensitive also. 🥺 There is hope, yes! Youtube and my show has helped in the last couple of days on coping. Sending you positive vibes ✨️
Starrlight in reply to
yes same here, lately I so easily am triggered
Starrlight in reply to
thanks positive vibes rightbackatchya
Hope its better soon.I had a therapist laughing one time..
I told him all those studies that are done about people having problems with health from loneliness that you know only extroverts are in the study, introverts wouldn't have been..they d be at home.
So true smart thinking 😂
Sylvain- in reply to
And do you believe that happiness exists for introverts in our world? I seriously doubt that.
I appreciate doing calm things on my own. But I would also have liked to know the joy and pleasure that only carefree, popular, and socially integrated people experiences. The world is for one kind of people, and if you do not fit in, you'll have a miserable life.
You are probably right, but do you enjoy the company of those carefree, poplar and socially integrated people? Aren't they the sort who manage small talk for 90% of their interactions? or am I being unfair? Actually my life isn't miserable because I may not fit in, but lack of family makes "death planning" nigh impossible and therefore a bit anxiety inducing. Still, living in the "now" seems to work, and taking the good social interactions as they occur. At least I know a small handful of people are glad that I am in the world.
I have suffered so much for not being like "everybody else". I would have liked to enjoy "their" company. Being like "them". Doing the fun things "they" do.
My life is miserable just because I am what I am. I am the creature of Frankenstein, and the villagers want to slash me with their pitchforks.
Besides my wife, son, and the doctors, I haven't talked to anybody for months, maybe years. Actually, I don't remember ever having a light-hearted discussion with anybody.
For most of it, you on this forum are like me. But I sometimes wonder if you really exist. I never met anyone like "us" in the real world. We are misfits—broken parts. The world did not want me, and I seriously think I don't want the world.
At least you have a wife, which suggests that you are not entirely Frankenstein's creature. How did you attract your wife?
I love that song "I am what I am". It seems to give us hope. I am not a monster either but since moving to Essex nearly forty years ago, I have to say that I have not attracted many people - or at least have not been able to keep them close. I really can't say why that should be.
When I was a young girl, the last thing I wanted was to be like other people, least of all my family, and I have probably held on to that and it must come out in my personality somehow, even though I pretty much became what I wanted. Perhaps I am paying the price.
We do all exist; you've only got to look at the writing styles.
in reply to Sylvain-
I totally agree and sympathize there. I feel broken and unworthy. I'm insanely grateful for this forum though bc I finally realize that I'm not alone or weird. Connecting with y'all is pretty great.
Sylvain- in reply to
I replied with more details to Midori below.
I wanted to notice we are in the same age range. Maybe this is related to looking back to the young person we were.
I would have liked to know about this forum before. And I would have needed it in my youth. Most of you are on a different continent. I wonder how it would be if people like you lived near me. I am not even sure meeting in person would be a pleasing experience. But embarrassing, surely, as I totally lack manners and social skills, and overall nothing interesting enough happens to me that deserves discussion. I am now just an old complaining person. And you are kind enough to listen to my complaints.
in reply to Sylvain-
💛💛💛💛 I could've used this forum earlier in life too. I lack social skills, I just don't know how to not be awkward. I hate silence in conversation so I talk about dumb stuff. It's all just bad lol
MaggieSylvie in reply to
Silences in conversation are awkward unless you have a really good rapport with the other person. The key to being good at chatting is to ignore what's going on in your own head and listen, listen, listen. If you do that, you will likely hear the other person say something like "It's been really interesting talking to you"! Thing is, if you listen and continue to ask questions about what the other person has just said, you can't go wrong. Use the other person's name at least once (but not too often) in conversation, and you will not only remember it more easily but you will become more attractive as a conversation partner. It does take some practice but you don't have to rehearse - just try out what I've just said.
Great advice MaggieSylvie...that silence in conversation would always be a trigger
for my anxiety. That is, until I learned that listening can be the key in toning down
our stress levels. And who doesn't like to hear their name mentioned on
occasion 
xx
When someone is under stress of any kind, in my experience, using a person's name can feel nearly as comforting - as the touch of a hand - or a virtual hug.🤗
🙋I don't like my name. I feel very uncomfortable went called by my first name. I always have the impression I did something wrong. But I am a very tortured person—for the general humankind (neurotypical?) MaggieSylvie 's advice is very valid: it is a well know social marketing practice that using someone's first name will boost engagement. 👍
I get that- my nick names are ok but my real name I always feel I am introuble
It is related (while maybe slightly different) to a condition called "name dysphoria," which is not that uncommon.
You said it better than me: "I always feel I am introuble" 😰
Unfortunately, I don't have any nicknames, so I have to live with that (for what it's worth, I also lack imagination in that domain, and my pseudo here is my real first name
I love your name but People can call you whatever you want them to. Make up a new name for yourself… it might take a bit to catch on, but it will ☺️
Oh yes! I hate it when people phone me and use my given name or to the opposite way and call me Mags - both without my invitation. My partner never uses my name unless I'm so far away he has to shout. Sad.
Yes, your nick names are the best. Many people feel they're in trouble when called by their given name.
You can change your name. I had a special reason to shorten from Margaret to Maggie many years ago. Now, I feel I could shorten it a different way. I don't know your name so I can't offer any suggestions.
My pseudo is my real first name. I am ok with my family name. My full name is quite common. I'll let you guess which one I am:
linkedin.com/search/results...
As far as I know, it is far more complicated to change your first name here in France than in the US.
I thought it might be. Here in the UK we can call ourselves what we like unofficially, so long as our passport etc has our proper names on them. Actually our names link us, as my second name is Sylvia. So we are both "of the forest". Most people on here choose a pseudonym. It allows more anonimity. You can be forgiven for assuming I was in the US; apart from "first name", we don't seem to have another word for "given name" without assuming a religious alliance.
I can't guess which of those you are! you give us no clues!
Yuck. when it's used that way it's manipulative. I suppose which ever way it's used it is manipulative but one is for personal/financial gain, whereas the other is to establish rapport.
in reply to MaggieSylvie
That is amazing advice! 👏 That's all true, too. I spend too much time in my head it's so unhealthy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 😊
I love this advice!
in reply to Sylvain-
I appreciate you sharing. I can be happy as an introvert. I understand where you're coming from though. I don't even have friends, just family that I occasionally talk to. I've always kept to myself, I think it's almost a protective matter bc I don't want to be hurt by being even a little vulnerable. I see both sides.
Midori in reply to
I love being an introvert; love spending time on my own, doing my own thing, with nobody else to answer to, pure heaven!
I detest crowds, get very anxious. My idea of heaven is a long walk by myself in woods and fields, rivers and lakes, with only the animals and birds to talk to. I detest being tied to timetables, although I am a punctual person by nature and I consider lateness to be rudeness, unless there is a good reason.
Cheers, Midori
In a sense, I loved being an introvert when I was younger. But now I realize how it had made me miss the best part of life.
At least, this is how I feel. Wasted life. Worthless life. Maybe I am just too vulnerable and suggestible, and I believe that the norm depicted in media and adopted by most people is the only way to go.
Damn. This is silly the memories that come now with tears in my eyes. I just wanted to be an average teenager, meeting a girl at a party and kissing her by the end of the evening. Instead of that, even the most basic social interactions were a constant fight against me. And the outcome of that fight was rarely rewarding.
For me it's the other way around. I was really into the scene in the 60s, and 70s. Then marriage and babies got in the way. My husband was made redundant and suicided at 37, and since then I've been too busy fighting Fibromyalgia and CPTSD.
Nowadays at 75, I really appreciate time on my own, or with one friend at a time, to appreciate beauty and the living world. I'm done with big cities, unless they have great museums and Art galleries. I appreciate great architecture as well, but only in photographs. OK, I cried when Notre Dame burned.
My son lives with me as my carer, we are mainly on a similar wavelength, except for politics!
Cheers, Midori
Thanks Midori. Sorry, my English skills are insufficient to understand what it means to be "redundant" in that context. But I feel sad for such a tragic loss at such a young age.
I can't imagine how I could live without my wife. Actually, I am terribly afraid of the death of my beloved ones. On the opposite, I feel totally at peace with the idea of my own death. It would be the best for me if I died first.
in reply to Midori
I can relate to that except, I don't leave my house currently. I'm working on it though. Crowds have always made me anxious too. I love to watch TV alone lol that sounds pitiful but it's true. ✨️
Agree, I do think this world is made for Extroverts, & that they have an easier time. I call myself a "friendly intervert!" While I appreciate my quiet time alone, I do need & want people in my life --And, I was happy living with my Sig. Other (he passed last Nov.), we both loved the same type of TV shows --the history ch., nature programs, etc. We were, basically, both quiet watching TV together, commenting, at times. Now, being alone without him is More AWFUL then I can any words can say. But, to the subject of the introvert, for me, it's hard being an introvert though as I get older, I am more accepting of my own nature. I need alone time, and people time.
I’m sorry for your loss Weatherwoman. I agree I need both alone time and people time but not as much people time.
While I do like going out with friends, I have to rest & recoop. the next day, sometimes more than one day. That's how I know that I am an introvert! Extroverts get their energy more from being around a lot of people. I don't! Not that I don't like lunches with friends, dinners, activites, but it drains my energy having to keep up a conversation. But, when I was with my Sig. Other, he never drained me. We would go on many, many day trips all around the area (sometimes three, four hrs. out of town), and didn't have to talk unless we Felt like it! He would listen to "money talk," & I would be looking out at the scenery. We could talk at home, or not. I have not felt that comfortable with anyone like I did with him. God, how I miss him Terribly.
Thanks for your reply. I’m so sorry for your loss Weatherwoman. The calm and peaceful life you describe is probably what suits me the best. I do not understand why I sometimes feel devoured by the regrets of another lifestyle that is not me.
I used to say, "Some people want to be someone else. I want to be anyone else." I apparently can't make peace with myself.
Acceptance of oneself, one's nature is the "key!" I wish that I had known that when I was younger as I would have had a much happier time of it! As far as regrets go, that's where I get stuck, at times. If only, I had done that instead of this, etc. goes round & round in my head & only winds up with me crying & being more regretful. Then, I know, too that "the grasss seems better on the other side," a trite, but oh so true. Because if you do become vunerable (not easy, but well worth it), you will often find, a lot of "weeds," in that other persons "backyard," that you thought that they had it All!
You are definitely wiser than me. 🙏
I am still very far from acceptance. And you are right to say our perception is biased to see only the good things when looking "at the other side".
Why does it take SO darn long to get wise! Maybe that I am wise; but, I still suffer with insecurities a lot! Don't always practice what I preach!
Right! I get it. Give me my show and I'll be at peace ✌️
🥰🥰
Not sure. However, our understanding of brain function is still evolving. I suppose it’s possible. Something makes folks either an introvert or an extrovert.
Omg I have the same problem with my wife lol I hate to say it but, sometimes she talks during shows and movies and I'm just like okkkkk 😆 I can immerse myself in a show and not say a word. You'll be ok moving out, it'll be good for you and, she'll be close by. And, we're all here for you! 😺
what is there?
ha I see that.
yes only then can there be complete peace
that ok
I was always alone as a kid, playing Legos and reading, or just imagining. Then in 8th grade i had my first hypomania and the social butterfly climbed out of his chrysalis. Now if I tell anyone I prefer to be alone they laugh and say, "yeah, right." I'm very animated around others -- I'm the social lubricant -- always cracking jokes. My specialty is putting people at ease. I talked a mugger into giving most of my stuff back after he nearly choked me.
But in truth, I'm very nervous the whole time. It's like I'm surfing the waves of the conversation, terrified at any moment I'll be lost.
So interesting. Nice you can put people at ease. How did you get the mugger to hand back your stuff? Im really quiet around others. I wonder if I had my first mania in 7-8 grade because out of the blue I emerged from my shell and rebelled then when I turned 15 I got very depressed
🤷 Not qualified to have thoughts. I yam what I yam.
you are beautiful (what did we decide to remind each other of this -one love?)
Oh my gosh... Yes. "One Love" 🥲
And what exactly does One Love" mean to you two? It sounds inspirational...whatever it is. 🌞 Love of one's self?
pretty much … remembering we are beautiful and worthy of love
I don't think Starrlight will mind me sharing. It's our shorthand reminder...
youtube.com/watch?v=cUS8MA5...
Thank you for our reminder song!!! You’ve made my day! I’m smiling ☺️
Happy happy! Just a little corner of peace...
❤️
Thank you both! I LOVE your symbol and what it means...remembering we are beautiful and worthy of love! And I ADORE Bob Marley and this song! I think your ideas are what this website should be about! Thank you for explaining your concept!
❤️ ☺️❤️
I think there's something to that. Sometimes I enjoy spending time alone reading, gardening or working on a craft project. In the morning I like to get up early and quietly drink a cup of coffee and spending time with my pets. When I don't have that quiet time it throws my whole day off.
Sounds nice, all the things you like to do. Exactly. Early mornings in the quiet when others are asleep equals a great start for me too. I feel really comfortable being alone.
One thing I really enjoy- sitting in front of candles and sometimes incense.
And soon I will have a kitty or two to cuddle with. Coco isn’t a cuddler.
Cats cuddle but on their terms. Some cuddle quite a bit. Others are more aloof. Oliver cuddles next to me but doesn't like to be picked up. He comes when he wants to. Or when he wants something. But I love him so much.
awwww that’s so fun! I can’t wait to meet our new kitty or kitties…
I spend on average about 23 hours per day alone i am a bit of a hermit but do feel safer and more relaxed with my own company..Sure i still have my bad times alone but at least no one is there to put up with me..Thank you very much for posting this it might explain my behavior a fair bit so great stuff and big hugs..
hugs rightbackatchya
I’ve always preferred one to one than being involved in a group. The older I get the harder it is so I do most things alone.
I hear ya Weelon.
sounds about right for me Starlight, I need time alone to get on with my own stuff or I get anxious and edgy so this would make sense, thanks for posting xxx
Yes I can relate …thanks and you’re welcome Pat
😊xx
I love that - I'd rather be with a goose. LOL. At least if a goose is spitting at you, you don't think it's anything you said.
I suppose we're all nightmares. This site wouldn't exist without it ??
Ha ha! I know who you are! You are certainly cycling through your aliases these days. I am with you whether I am writing to you or not, and I wouldn't be in your shoes packing in this weather, though it may be slightly cooler where you live. I am lucky to have an air conditioning unit (bought to keep the house warm in the winter) but he who shall not be named says it makes the living room too cold. I'm supposed to be cleaning the bird messages off my car. Hmm - I've been promising for days but have spent days sleeping and feeling very light-headed. I don't know why.
I hope your packing up and removal goes well. Once you're in your new abode you will feel much better. I hope it is cool.🤗
It works well for me. For months I've had my son inhabiting the Ladies Lounge with me, but the last two days he's back in his Man Cave, and it's so peaceful without him here!
When we are both at the computers he will insist on giving me long diatribes on Politics; Not even British politics, but another country's, which I don't care about, and trying to 'educate' me about things I have know for 40+ years before he took his first breath. 'Mansplaining' doesn't even start to cover it. I think we may be too alike.
So, now he's back in his Man Cave, and I have peace, perfect peace!
Don't get me wrong; he's a great son, and I get on his nerves in just the same way as he does mine! Also, we've been thrown together more than normal as we have been back and forth trying unsuccessfully to get a GP appointment for him, for blood tests as I think he's becoming Type 2 Diabetic, as was his late father. In desperation we went to the opticians, who referred us straight to the A&E in the next county (Our main hospital is a write-off!). Turns out he has micro aneurisms in his dominant eye (a sign of diabetes) so, as we can't get him an appointment at our totally useless GP surgery, we will have to go back to the hospital; about an hour and a half away by car!
It's a pain in the posterior!
Cheers, Midori
I hear ya! How old is your son? Cheers Midori ☺️
He's a month short of 34 and I'm 75.
nice! I’m 46 and my oldest son is 27 then I have my 15 and 11 year old boys.
His sister is married and I have a 14 year old grandson as well. She and her husband like it in Hampshire, but I couldn't wait to get away; It was driving me up the wall!
It's so much more peaceful here, even if one can't get a GP appointment!
Cheers, Midori
That’s so nice! funny … I am having trouble finding a GP as well.
I've got one, but can I get an appointment? I haven't the time to spend hours on the phone trying to get an appointment when you have to call at 8am and take pot luck even to get a phone or Zoom appointment! Not for love, money or the Old Boy's Network! (I was a nurse till I retired).
They seem to think it's fine to waste our time, can't even get to see a nurse there. It's a Massive surgery, two floors, enormous waiting room; it could be a Walk in Centre easily, but Nope! It's also the only Surgery in the whole town!
I don't even know who my doctor is! Haven't even had a 'Welcome to the practice, lets give you a quick MOT!'
I'm currently trying to get an appointment for blood tests, as my son is suspected as Type 2 diabetic, and I had to get that diagnosed by an Optician! then on to the Hospital in the next County! Sorry for the rant, but it's my hobby horse right now!
Cheers, Midori
Oh wow thanks for sharing that. I don’t eat meat nor eggs really but I think I can get Choline in a supplement form. 😊
Sure they could be happy. Might not look like a extrovert but that's ok
I've always been an introvert and enjoyed my own company when I was younger. Not so much anymore.
What's different now from then? I was able to enjoy my own company then because I always knew when I got tired of my own company, I had friends, family etc. I could turn to when I needed to connect with someone. I've always known I don't do well alone for extended periods of time, and that I truly need people. I don't believe man was meant to be solitary.
Now, I find myself painfully alone and without true connection with anyone. I've been socially isolated for far too long for a lot of different reasons. It seems I've forgotten how to communicate with people because of it.
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