Pressure

I am exhausted from the amount of pressure I put on myself. At the same time if I don't pressure myself to behave as masculine as I can be then I can't accept femininity and I end up doing unconscious things like drinking or smoking. So either way I feel screwed and exhausted.

[Dani0431]

Hey,

I hope this isn’t obnoxious but I’m really looking to find connections with people online since I have limited or very shallow connections with people in my life currently. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but this have to do with a transgender identity or no? I’m just trying to understand and be helpful. I can see how it would be pressuring to be masculine enough. I struggle with feeling like I’m not feminine enough but I’ve learned to embrace not wearing makeup and not liking wearing dresses. It’s just who I am. I hope we can chat more about this

[Hidden in reply to Dani0431]

My story is unique. Really difficult for me to explain. Basically I'm gay but since I'm heavily influenced by a traumatic conservative background as well as the idea that no one is 100% gay or straight my mind has cringed on the 1% to make it possible and I'm just exhausted and sick of not being in a relationship and being a Virgin all my life. As if doing such I will be awarded l enlightenment for being string to not go into by deep subconscious desires. I don't know bro.

[Dani0431 in reply to Hidden]

I don’t think you should feel bad about where you are in life compared to others, wether it’s intimacy related or what. Believe it or not I actually understand your struggle. I’m bi but I try to only date guys because I know it’s so much more accepted by society than being with a woman. Don’t get me wrong, I like guys but I often feel like I don’t give myself the chance to explore a relationship enough with a woman because I know it will make it harder for me to fit in and feel normal in the world :/

[Hidden in reply to Dani0431]

Feel that big time! I just watched thr Whitey Houston movie: I wanna,dance with somebody that came out last year it's on Netflix and it was a really emotional, triggering watch for me but I really enjoyed it and her story is so sad and inspiring. I don't know I'm trying to be more open while not forcing things.

[Dani0431 in reply to Hidden]

Oh I bet that was such a good movie! I haven’t watched much Netflix lately but I probably will watch some this summer at some point. I’m going to add that movie to my list!

[Hidden in reply to Dani0431]

I really appreciate anyone reaching out though and sending you positive energy to find some light in today's day. I've been in a dark place the last 24 hrs and just talking to someone is helpful. Have a,great day!