How to move forward from here…

[mhg22]

Hi everyone.

I’m doing well and I hope you are not doing so bad yourself too.

I am having difficulty forgetting the past situations of injustice in my life that lead me be less then I was supposed to be past 40 year…

I feel resentful and irritated that my family failed me in the area of health care. The situation for me is that i had to grow up with undiagnosed ADHD for decades. My family was ignorant about what ADHD is. My mom was raising me mostly because my dad moved on with a new family. My mom and I never got along well. She did not understand me at all. Her misunderstanding lead her to cruelly abandon me multiple times by sending me in the wrong places to “help” me. She would let her friends tell her ideas and get ideas from books or tv that I had mental illnesses and then call up emergency services anytime we argued and rant at them by herself with her “observation” of me. She would do this covertly when my back was turned and say things to make them not listen to me or let me have a voice in my healthcare. She never understood and still does not know how those incidents scared me and made me feel helpless and intensely vulnerable, unloved, abused, and hurt. The hospital she sent me too was a very bad local hospital where they take all your belongs on entering and bargain with you to get them back by not letting you have anything personal until you take all the drugs the want to force on you. They were antagonistic and provocative to patients. The nurses would insult patients and make petty comments about us in front of everyone to make us feel small and useless. It was really a bad place and not helping me in anyway. When I told them I need help with adhd or an autistic diagnosis then they would deny my requests or lie and say “we do not treat that here”. I don’t believe they were honest at all about not being able to treat autistic people in a psychiatric facility or refer them on to appropriate services. I left their hospital on my own without any justification for being locked up and violated with forced drugs for months. The hospital never handed me any paperwork or report to prove they had made a legitimate assessment, never! And I was in there more than once. They were confused literally and ended up confusing me with there unprofessional behaviour. The last time I left there was when the nurse tried to send me out the back door literally and told me “we don’t want you back here”, she never gave me any paperwork to take with me to future resources or treatments.

But fortunately I must have angels guiding me well from heaven… I just ignored my anger at them again after I was free. I stayed private in all my feelings and moved back with my family but this time was not talking to them or sharing anything personal so they had nothing to criticize or argue with. I have done well since. I found an adhd treatment team online of nurses and doctors who gave me real professional diagnosis of adhd finally. I am able to function normally for the first time in my adult life because I don’t have dangerous medication forced on me and my brain is normal now with help for adhd and no ignorant people controlling my health care decisions. I lost many years of my good strong adult life and suffered a lot of misfortune though due to those mistakes of doctors and my family when I was young

Some days it really bothers me thinking about what I lost…

Thinking about what peoples ignorance did to my life and they don’t feel bad…

I just want to know how to heal that part

[ElephantsHear]

There’s a video by Michael Yapko on YouTube on depression; he mentions that while there’s a genetic component to depression, we also learn how to cope/ deal with life from our parents’ coping strategies. So, many of us need to learn new (more positive) coping strategies. It sounds like your mom probably did the best she knew how. The hard part of life is none of us get through it unscathed. My hope is that the negative things that happen to me don’t break me, I learn from it when I can and as you mention, cherish the “angels” in life. I wish you well/ depression can cause the anger and repeating in your mind (rumination) of bad events. Best wishes for you.

[mhg22 in reply to ElephantsHear]

thank you for your thoughts

[hypercat54]

That's because it is impossible to forget it. What you can concentrate on though is moving on from it. This doesn't involve forgetting, forgiving or anything else. Or staying in contact with those who didn't help you if you don't wish to.

It just means that you can't change the past and you only have the power to change your future.

Looking backwards is fruitless so the best thing to do is try and develop a moving on strategy. Ie out outward mindset instead.

Every time you dwell in the past give yourself a time limit ie 10 minutes, then force your thoughts elsewhere. It's not easy especially at first but it does get so with practise.

It worked for me and it will for you too. Take care.

[mhg22]

thanks. Nice strategy suggested too!

[T123]

may I ask which online tool you used to get help and support with your adhd?