Insights

[God-sFavourite]

For those who have been following up with me know what I've been through since a few months and how it has been bothering me. A few weeks ago (probably some 2 weeks or more), I stopped talking to my parents. As in completely stopped. No 'hi', no greets, nothing. I just didn't feel like doing it. We got into an arguement which turned up into a fights between us and it lead to us not talking to each other.

I thought, they would realise my absence in some way and would start introspecting their behaviour. They did feel my absence, only during the tasks that were important to them. Introspection? Naah!

It's been some 3-4 days that we were compelled to interact a little due to our housemaid around us as we didn't want her to make use of the situation in her favour.

Since then, everything has been repeating it's course. All the toxicity, tantrums, negativity, everything.

It made me really upset that there isn't any significant value of me into the lives of the people I love since my behaviour didn't made them think twice about what they've been doing.

This whole situation made me realise something :

1. It's useless and stupid of us to expect people to change when they don't want to change in the first place.

2. People only change when THEY think they are wrong. Until that time, it's all a waste of time trying to change them.

3. A person who has lived more than 50 years of their life believing into something and behaving a certain way, it's nearly impossible to even expect them to change.

All of this made me conclude my situation.

1. Since I'm in front of them, I'm an easy target. The moment I'll be off their eyes, they will feel my absence since I won't be there to do even the basics of the tasks.

2. The moment I'll be financially independent, I would definitely need them less since that's the only reason why I'm still depending on them.

3. The moment they get some time off their lives (when they'll retire), they will have enough time to spend with themselves. That would be the actual time when they will need me as somebody to talk to, if not more. That would be the exact time when they will have some moment to introspect themselves and maybe, MAYBE, they might start accepting where they went wrong.

Until that happens, things will stay the same as they have been. It is completely upon me on how to stay out of it.

[designguy]

Sounds like some really good insight on your part, good for you for having the courage to take care of yourself and stand up for yourself. It sounds like your parents may both be narcissists and you have realized the futility of trying to change them or even arguing with them. The sooner you can liberate yourself from them the better off you will be.

[God-sFavourite in reply to designguy]

I don't know if narcissism would be a correct term to describe them but yes, I do agree with rest of it. The sooner, the better.

[Midori in reply to God-sFavourite]

How soon do you think you need to wait until you can be fully independent?

How do you think you will go about it, I'm in UK, so I'm unsure of your legal position in India.

Cheers, Midori

[God-sFavourite in reply to Midori]

Life in India is certainly different than most of the countries. We live with our families throughout our lives, help each other in every walk of life and are always there to support each other in every way possible.

There isn't any pressure as such to separate oneself from the family. We can be financially independent and still choose to live with our families.

There is a wide range of joint families and extended families in India and trust me when I say that, it's real fun!

However, most of the people from our generation especially, are turning into nuclear families. The primary reason being work commitments and opportunities that one might not have in their own city. Ours too is a nuclear family now for the same reason but we do have other people of our family living as a joint one.

[God-sFavourite in reply to Midori]

In my case too, I'll have to travel to another city for better work experience and opportunities. As I'm currently preparing for an exam, I'm unable to work. Once I'm done with the exam, I can apply to work under different hospitals and can start earning a decent amount which would be sufficient for bearing my personal expenses (with/without savings).

A maximum of 3-4 months still.

[Midori in reply to God-sFavourite]

It's tough, but If you can tough it out for those few months, it would make a difference. Are you planning to specialise in anything?

Cheers, Midori

[God-sFavourite in reply to Midori]

Yes. I'll have to make my way through it somehow. It might be easy somedays and some days might be difficult but there is light at the end of the tunnel, for sure. Yes, I would specialise in future.

[Midori]

The only person we can change is us, unfortunately.

Cheers, Midori