I was in a relationship for almost 3 years which ended 6 months ago. I gave my all to that relationship I planned my entire life with that person. There were a lots of ups and downs in the relationship but I truly feel that the person was the love of my life and I still feel the same. There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t cried. I thought with time I will get better but I feel more pain each day. I have suicidal thought sometimes but I don’t go through with it thinking about my family specially my mother and my nieces and nephew. They are still very young and I don’t want to give them any sort of trauma. But it’s getting harder each day. I have been an introvert my whole life and I had 3 friends but now I have lost them and I can’t get in touch with them anymore. I have no one to talk to. I am desperate so I have never shared my life online but here I am looking for some help
I don’t know how to be normal again - Anxiety and Depre...
I don’t know how to be normal again
Have you considered talking to a therapist? I went through a divorce after 17 years of marriage. I saw a therapist and took some meds through the whole separation and divorce process, which took about 3 years. It was an extremely difficult process that I couldn't have done without the help I got.
Thank you for replying I really hope you are in a better place now. My problem seems so small when I compare it with yours.
I have considered going for therapy but somehow I have never have the courage to go. I am afraid to tell my family about my condition I don’t want them to find out ever. I have been struggling since I was a kid. I am a victim of sexual abuse by my relatives but I never told my family. I’m telling this for the second time in my life, first to my ex and here now. I have been trying to hold my life together and it felt like I was doing well. I kept telling myself that I am smart and educated and that has kept me going for years and years but suddenly after a break up I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m too scared to step out and meet people.
What you're going through is not any smaller than my experience. And actually, I'm also a survivor like you. You actually sound a lot like me. People like you and me are high-functioning depressives. What makes it really hard for us is that on the surface we're successful and people around us don't suspect the tremendous amount of pain we carry. When you feel you have the strength, I highly encourage you see if you can find a couple of therapists to try out. I had a therapist that didn't work out when I was 18. It wasn't until I was in my late 20's that I was referred a therapist that saved my life. It was as if a weight was lifted off of me, and I could finally feel a little bit of joy in my life. And keep us posted. I really hope this will be the beginning of your healing journey. Sending all my positive energy your way.
Thank you LadyZen. It’s encouraging to know that people who have had similar experience have made it to a better place. It’s so true what you said people look at me and think that I don’t have a single problem in my life. They feel I can achieve anything and it adds more pressure not to let people down and keep up the image. So I tend to pull back and avoid meeting people.
I will take your advice and try to find a therapist. I hope and pray that you will keep doing better each day.
Let’s always support and find each other on days when everything seems to be falling apart.
I have 100% made it to a better place. I'm 47 now and my healing journey started 20 years ago. Healing is a life long journey, but once you start it, it gets easier and easier. 🤗Hugs for now. And make sure you do something kind for yourself today, be it warm shower or nice meal. Just something small.
Thank you again your words means a lot to me. I will try to be kinder to myself and I hope you do the same too. Sending you love and good wishes.
I’m so sorry you’re in so much pain. This is a good place to come for support. Are you being treated for your anxiety and depression?
Thank you so much. No I’m not being treated this is the first time I’m sharing.
Stranger28. It is going to be okay!!!! You are going to be okay!!!! I believe that you will stop crying, that you will find joy again and your heart will heal. I am sorry that your relationship didn't work out. I understand having suicidal thoughts. 7 years ago, my son killed himself. It is still hard to me to say it. I have said that I will never do that. But I came so close on02/18/. I am so glad that I didn't. Stranger28 I hope that I don't offend you, with what I am about to share. I want to tell you that God loves you, he loves you so much. He knows where you are at. And, he has great plans for you. I am so glad that you don't want to do that. Your family loves you so much, and also you matter!!! I believe there is someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with. I don't want to do, to others---what it did to me. (taking my life) I have been an introvert my whole life also, and I never had friends in school, and still don't have friends. But I know that In time I will have friends, what really matters to me (and this is for me) is getting to a better place with my depression. I have only been inthis group for 2 days. And there are al ot of great people here, who care about each other. We care about you. Keep reaching out!!!! Keep coming back. I believe this group can be of a great support. I will be praying for you. Also, if you would like I be your friend. And you are Not alone!!!!
thank you so much cardinal47. I can’t tell you how much your reply means to me. For the first time in so many months I’m crying tears of relieve to have someone understand what I am going through. I am so sorry you had to go through so much in life. I’m not good with words but I so thankful to know that this group have people like you strong and intelligent to help and support others even with so much pain of your own. I truly believe that God loves me and I believe he has lead me here to find comfort and peace
it takes a long time to get over a major loss. What you have gone through is similar to a divorce or death of a spouse. The pain will lessen slowly, but it may take months. See if you can find a therapist and try to stay as busy as possible. I know it is difficult to stay busy, but think about possibilities: you could get a pet, join a church (even if you are not religious), spend time with your family, take up a hobby (knitting, needlework, reading, gardening, etc), take up a sport such as ice skating, where you can be an adult beginner and meet people easily (Iknow this, because I did it at the age of 50 and had a wonderful time and got fairly good.). There are other possibilities as well.
Just try to remember that you will fell better even though it may take some time. xx
Thank you b1b1b1. Yeah I’m trying as much as I could I started gardening and I have a cat and I try to ready the Bible daily and follow plans. I have to admit it’s so hard to do anything or focus on anything. My thesis is due for submission but I haven’t been able to sit down and do my work for the last 6 months. Thank you so much I really hope that the pain will reduce and I’ll find peace.
Thank you for understanding. When I first posted I thought it was so silly to be crying over a breakup when other people are going through so much in life. But everyone here has been so kind and understanding.
I haven’t started therapy yet but yes now I am considering going for it soon. So many things have been bottling up for many years and I was holding everything together and suddenly with this breakup everything just became so overwhelming and I’m at a point where I can’t do it on my own.
As you can tell from all of these comments, you may feel lonely, but you are not alone. We all know heartache, and we all have our own unique backstory. The loss and the grief are real and no one's story is more painful than everyone else. I know it sounds like a platitude but you are still young, I was in my 20s when I hurt myself, if it wasn't for an observant state policeman, I wouldn't be writing this. My lost love was Kristen, and her family convinced her I was not going to provide her with a good life $$$. I thought it was the end. I had no idea that all my highlights had yet to come, watching my kids born, and grow into fine adults, Sure I'm still an anxious, depressed recluse, but I still have no idea what's waiting for me just around the corner. Stay strong Stranger the best has yet to come. call me in 20 years and tell me I was wrong!
In the meantime everyone here is feeding the striate talk, you need to make some calls, my go-to was the department of mental health here in Massachusetts, sound scary but the best choice I ever made they put me in touch with the right people without having to search for people who take my insurance and all those hoops.
Thank you so much. Someday, I want to be like you, looking back at my life and tell myself that I have got everything that I thought I have lost. When I was 18 my dad once told me that women and men are like flowers, you think today the person you meet is the most wonderful but you will meet even better and ever more wonderful the next time. These days I keep reminding this to myself.
I wish to tell you soon that you were right and I hope you will tell me “ I told you so” with a huge smile on your face.
hi it’s nice to meet you my name and Desiree have you thought about trying therapy it will help you so much I went through something similar and I understand alittle bit about how you are feeling if you need a friend or just someone to talk to I am here for you
Hi Desiree, nice to meet you. Yes I am thinking of therapy. Thank you for understanding it’s nice to know I’m not alone.
Hi stranger, I understand how you feel. Losing who you thought was the love of your life can be difficult. When my last partner broke up with me, the pandemic had just begun and I was attempting to wean off my antidepressants ( I was in a good place before everything happened). Needless to say, I was having a bad time. I was in such a bad head space. But I kept going, reaching back out to old friends I had accidentally hurt on the way. Making amends felt good. I made mistakes on the road of recovery but I am such a good place now.
Now I have figured out what I want and that dream is what is keeping me going now. Back then I was too depressed to even dream beyond the yearning for a good day. Now I'm working toward what kinda of adventures the future has.
You'll make it out of this rut. It'll be hard but definitely worth it. I hope you find the help amd peace you deserve. Be kind to yourself
thank you Dot… I’m so happy for you that you are in a good place now. I hope to make it out place too and never to make the same mistakes. I have realized many things over the past few months, so many regrets so many things I wish I could have said and done. The one of the hardest things to accept is that I will never do the same mistakes again and I will do everything I can to be better but the love of my life will not be there to see it and I won’t be able to do it for him. And I still can’t stop hoping for him to come knocking at my door. Even though I know it’s never going to happen again.
I wish I could stop hoping.
Having faith and hoping for things is one of the things that keep us humans going. We're goal oriented. However, sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we want that we completely miss everything great in between.
I will say this. Besides the typical "this will get better" "imagine how great you'll be in the future", it's ok to embrace that currently you're in pain. It's real and justifiable. Just don't let that pain engulf everything else in your life. You have so much potential that it would be unfair for it to be over shadowed by pain. One step at a time. Feel what you feel and hopefully grow from it
Thank you for giving me the encouragement to face the reality and overcome it. I hope and wish the best to you.
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