Social anxiety - 🙃

[pink0796]

Hey all 👋 Merry Christmas! I am new on here. I have been suffering from social anxiety caused my lack of confidence since I was a child and it's really been affecting my social, work and family life til this day. I want to start making a change now but don't know where to start?? If anyone has any advice or can provide further support, please pop up! (I'm friendly I promise) Xx

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the site. We are happy to have you.

You've made a great first step. Being among people that understand us is such a benefit.

Merry Xmas to you 🎅🏻🤶🎄

🐬

[012703060610]

Welcome! Social anxiety can be numbing and then you just get into a cycle. Trying to get out and then failing. Or getting out and having panic. I spent my 20s and 30s living pretty well and enjoying life. I've always had anxiety but it used to fuel me in a good way. Now it doesn't. I have an illness which makes getting out hard now......so every time I need to be well enough to go out, it is a production. My entire life I have ignored things like breathing or Yoga or meditation. I'm a type A get it done person. Couple of suggestions:

*I have a PTSD counselor. We meet weekly on video so it isn't a stress for me to get out. If you have not tried therapy, I'd say give it a whirl. I have struggled with the huge internet sites offering support. Those counselors are burned out too. It took me a bit to get to talking about my fears and anxiety. If you can find a therapist with whom you feel good with, it can mean the world. I can always text or email when in panic.

*komusodesign.com/

I don't usually suggest certain products, etc. However in the attached web link, there is a breathing tool. You can wear around your neck or put wherever. Lots of these types of things exist in the market. However, the breathing tool has helped me a lot. I went back to this website a year after my husband got me the breathing pipe. I bought the self guided book. I started it and it is going to be hard! It forces you to take time to reflect in a day while committing to certain "sprints." There are 60-90 minute blocks a day that are sprints and they help you set goals to try to accomplish. I often have the goal to go somewhere like Walgreens. Anyway, I've come around on more of these natural techniques for calmness.

*Start small. If you physically go into work somewhere, you could try a coffee or tea run with a co-worker. Or you could offer to grab one and bring it back to keep it a small exchange and dialogue. I have set crazy goals and failed...which doesn't help anyone.

*Do you ever go out alone? I used to travel for work so I lived in hotels and airports. I somehow became very comfortable sitting alone in a restaurant. With this, you get out and you leave at your pace if it doesn't work. Could be as simple as sitting in a Starbucks soaking in general feelings of the atmosphere.

*If you have social anxiety related to any person or place, don't trigger yourself. Give yourself the grace to say no because it is healthier for you.

We have all been through something like this or similar. You certainly are not alone. I totally understand how social anxiety can permeate all aspects of life. Unless your family and friends truly understand how you are doing, they won't get it either. Keep coming here for support. I have been very inspired by several folks postings!

Merry Christmas!

[pink0796 in reply to 012703060610]

Hi! Thanks for your suggestions, they're really useful and I've never thought of these before.. I haven't tried yoga/meditation before so that can be my goal next year? I also have a therapist booked for early next year, kind of nervous to start that journey and opening up to someone.

My anxiety means it's hard for me to ask colleagues out for a coffee, in a fear they'd reject me and because I'm quite socially awkward and hard to keep a conversation. (my brain doesn't come up with witty responses right away). I'm also scared my friends won't understand me so I haven't told them anything (but I'm sure they can judge that I'm not a social person) and I do struggle to meet new people.. I know

[012703060610 in reply to pink0796]

Well the good news is that you have friends. Hopefully they make you feel ok and it is ok not to open up to them. The therapist will help. When you go, you will know in about 5 minutes if they are right for you. I had a session where in less than 10 minutes a therapist said I have Daddy issues. Let me tell you....I've got a lot more than that going on! To me, when a doctor or therapist comes into the room, how they initially treat me is a big deal. Drs make choices to try to trust a patient first or they want you to gain their trust. Clearly the latter does not work in mental health AT ALL. The latter really does't work for anyone. So I was extremely extroverted before I became ill. My body is frail and weak and I was usually fit and very active. My husband is an introvert now dealing with a wife who is essentially introverted. He made his group of friends in college and that was it. Those were his friends and he just tagged along to all. He would try to go out to work Happy Hours when younger but needed to get cabs all of the time because he needed to drink to feel like he could talk. What I know about introverts is they are almost always fascinating and they like the one on one talk if they are in the talking mood. My husband is still a little weird. He proposed to me with a giant paper ring?!? There was a ring but he was totally messing with me. Then we had to move across the country and he was removed from his birth state and he went to college there too. He is trying so hard to make connections with parents or neighbors for myself and the kids. YES, new friends are hard. We are in our 40s and only have so much time or energy. However, I tend to believe that you can't orchestrate all. Most of the truly great moments in my life weren't planned or were not a goal. We gave some small gifts to our neighbors this year and we had one dinner invite. Maybe a potential friend for me or not. I'm still trying too!

On being rejected at work, I know this is hard. I expect the same from others as I give to them and I had to let that go. I'm still trying. Just another random idea....you could bring in some muffins or other food and just casually let people know. Most of my friends are all over the country and they became friends through work. I traveled full time so I am blessed to have met so many amazing people. I don't know your job, but sometimes you just need people to notice you. Or, do you have any really unique work questions that you can ask to get into a conversation with a colleague. Maybe just keep on hand a few tid bits of info you'd tell anyone about yourself if a conversation goes personal. I truly believe most people mean well, but we just can't put a pin in why they do stupid things. Getting rejected is ok too. It hurts, but we all go through it in varying phases. A simple..."I can't grab a coffee" isn't really rejection. It's just something you'll wonder. So if you can break a cycle and know that wondering will just suck you dry.....maybe some point you can give it whirl.

I'm sorry to hear of your past. I understand so much about how we are raised and how it impacts us. I need to do better than my parents from an environmental standpoint. Stay strong! It will be a new year.....but don't pressure yourself with too much!

[AnxiousSilver]

Welcome.

& Merry Christmas to you too.

[Midori]

Hi there!

Social anxiety? sounds familiar, I'm an only child, and never seemed to get a lot of guidance from parents, so I grew up insecure and preferring animals to people. You are never left in doubt with animals.

Welcome!

Cheers, Midori

[pink0796 in reply to Midori]

Hey Midori! I'm glad animals have helped you! I've always wanted a cat so I don't feel alone.

[designguy]

Hello pink, I had social anxiety and finally realized it after being diagnosed with GAD for years. I tried to find a therapist that specialized in treating it but there wasn't one near me at the time so i did an online program from the socialanxietyinstitute.org which helped a lot. I still had some anxiety issues and then found out about c-ptsd/trauma. I had been bullied in school and grew up in an emotionally repressive household, shamed and punished for showing normal anger and trying to stand up for myself which led to developing c-ptsd/trauma. I found a therapist that specifically treated trauma/c-ptsd and used emdr as part of the therapy which helped my healing. It's also common for those with social anxiety to have low-self-esteem/self-worth which I had so I started working to heal and improve that part of myself. Social anxiety makes you believe things about yourself and the way people perceive you that aren't real and to also think they are constantly judging you which is far from the truth. Most people are caught up in their own stuff to be paying any attention to you so learning how to retrain your thinking is very helpful. there is a lot of good info on youtube about social anxiety and healing low-self-esteem/self-worth and you can definitely overcome it.

[pink0796 in reply to designguy]

That's exactly my problem and what I'm experiencing right now. I went through bullying and family issues too. The low self-esteem is really affecting me really badly because I want to be social and be part of a community/group of friends. Thank you for your suggestions, I will start off with watching some videos, I also have a therapist booked early next year. I'm happy to hear you're healing.. we can do it!! 👊

[designguy in reply to pink0796]

You're welcome. There is a book I like called "Drive your own darn bus" by Julia Kristina, I also like her website and youtube videos. I also did the "Break Free" program by Dr. Bernadette Sewell and found it helpful as well as her articles. And yes, we can and are doing it!

[designguy in reply to pink0796]

I also wanted to add that if you have any questions, just let me know i'm happy to help.