So I finally got back from caribbean hol with bf tonight, which was deja vu from the first trip 5 years ago to the same place, for me mostly crap!
Note. I been with him nearly 15 years, a lot of downs than ups. And I feel I’ve not been IN love with him for a few years now.
But the fact that I went on this hol FOR him, as no one else would go with him (friends/fam), is that still being IN love or just the caring love I'll always have for him?
If that makes sense!
Just wondering. Thanks
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Solow87
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I think you know the answer. You need to decide if it is worth it to you. The only suggestion I can make is the paper with the line down the middle with plus and minus list. BTW… solo travel is a thing. No reason to force anyone to go with you.
Coz of my BPD I'm nearly always unsure about us and our future together, so i think I'm sure of the answer one minute, then I'm unsure/annoyed the very next!And I can tell you now there's always gonna be more negs than posis on that list!I didn't feel forced to go but would have felt guilty if i didnt, as he wouldn't have gone at all.
He's not confident enough to solo travel. And it was i who got him on his first plane trip ever only 7 years ago (despite things being down at the time!) So I've kinda got him into this expensive hobby tbf! Oops!
I also say you know the answer. I’ve been with my bf for almost 18 years and haven’t loved him in many years. For me it’s feeling guilty about leaving, I suffer from epilepsy and I’m scared to be alone, I can’t drive and due to my anxiety and bad asthma, I don’t take transit and honestly I just don’t want to date and being friends with a lot of men, I know how different they act depending who they’re with. I’ve made the choice to just be with him and do without being in love. The choice is extremely hard and I thought about it A LOT. I advise you to do the same, do a lot of thinking and soul searching and really think about how much being in love means to you.
I hear you. I def feel being in love doesn't mean much anymore, but if I do feel it again at some point, then hey, guess I'll try to enjoy it. Thank you for listening and sharing!
I hear you. I've split from him twice in the 15 years and then wanted him back both times.I feel i want a definition of our relationship, as we still seem like boyfriend and girlfriend as we STILL don't live together. (And I've said when we do that I want my own room!) But we've been through a lot stuff as if we were married, but we're not bothered about marriage much either, (well the idea has drifted away over the years anyway). So we're kinda partners I guess, and i see us being there for eachother till our dying days, even though he's incapable (literally) of looking after me whenever I'm ill! (I'd still have to sort him out at the same time!)
(Oh and it doesn't help that my libido is often low and sporadic!!)
If there are more downs than ups, more negatives than positives, it's tme to split. You deserve more than that, a life that's happy, not constantly fluctuating. Think about where you want to be in say 5 years? Take time apart from each other. Does not sound like a healthy relationship.
I think you need to take a long look at the situation you find yourself in, write your self a list of the pro's and con's, and then decide whether he has become a comfortable habit, or is truly the man you want to be waking up with for the next 20, 30, 40+ years.
Love hazes over everything, but the very fact you are wondering should give you a clue to start with.
You don't owe him, nor are you obligated to go on holiday with him if you don't enjoy it. It should be a balance and not one sided. If you are no longer as attracted to him, it would be unfair to him, so take a good hard look at it before deciding whether to go or stay.
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