Feeling pretty scared and hopeless

[Pom7036]

I have suffered from anxiehopeless i was 9 years old. With that being said i was pretty quiet in school so i didn't have many friends or do anything really outside of school. I would go to my farm and that's where i loved to be. It was quiet, no one to judge you and i got to do what i wanted. I have show cattle all over the country with my family but recently due to expenses we decided to retire from it...so the one thing i loved i had to give up. This was my life and it's the only thing that gave me purpose. I have no confidence or self esteem in any other area in my life. I can't function hardly at a job so im a complete failure. This year in Jan 22. I landed my first part time job and it was perfect...everything i wanted and i felt some purpose. Then my world came crashing down ia week ago and i was laid off. Now my anxiety and depression is through the roof. I keep obsessing over this job. That was my job and i ask god why..why did this have to be taken away from me...the one thing that gave me purpose? I have such bad social anxiety phones and registers make me cringe. I feel like i won't find another job. Im a complete failure and i am running out of time to find something and i am just ashamed. I keep comparing myself to everyone and i wonder why do i have to be this way and struggle all the time...why can't i have what i want in life..i have worked so hard and I am just lost still.

[artisticcatowner]

Praying for you

[Hidden]

Hi Pom7036! You will find another job. And who knows, what if you find something that fits you even better than the one you lost? Your past with the farm should be a source of gratitude for the time that you and your family had and the work you did. It will always be with you and keep the good memories close to your heart. Moving on is so hard sometimes; fear of the unknown. You seem very intelligent and self aware. Perhaps you’re a bit of a perfectionist like me which means our future has to meet or exceed our past. This is a self defeating attitude that I’m working on as well. Moving on and finding new opportunities will open doors that you can’t see right now but they’re coming. Try not to compare yourself to others. You are not a failure and don’t ever feel ashamed of who you are. God made you unique for a reason. You have gifts, talents, and potentials that others don’t. Sometimes it just takes a minute to realize what they are and then you will find a new purpose, and peace. Don’t give up on yourself. You got this!

[designguy]

Hello Pom, unfortunately we don't get to choose what happens in life but only how we react to it and have to take the good and the bad.

It sounds like you had a difficult childhood and may have even experienced some from of trauma that has impacted how you feel about yourself, others and life. You probably weren't taught or modeled how to have heathy self-worth and self-esteem also for whatever reason and look to others to validate yourself instead of being able to validate and take care of yourself. None of this is your fault, it is how you adapted and survived because you weren't taught any better.

If you are not currently, you might find a therapist to work with to help you investigate your past and help you understand how it has affected you and help you heal the shame and repressed emotions so you can get on with your life. You could also benefit from working on improving your self-esteem/self-worth and learning how to validate yourself, there is a lot of good info on youtube about this as well as working with a therapist. I hope this may help you.