Dizzy, nauseus, headache and can't deal with people nor with information. Irritateable. Feeling useless

[Against_the_current]

Today my friend had a birthday, i went but it was in the next city so i went with other friends with a car. They were talking about their stuff, playing their music, i got dizzy. I couldn't sleep much the night before because mom and sis called me and my brain couldn't shut up till 5am. I was going insane the night. Probably the lack of sleep but i had so terrible headache that i felt like throwing up. I can't imagine how the others go to work when i can't even go to one event without feeling like i'm terminally ill. And my brain shuts down. And i feel irritateable. I told them im sorry im a bit edgy and this doesn't mean i don't love but my head hurts like hell. I left early with the one with the car. She left early because she was at work and i left because i was having insane headache, dizziness, nausea and irritability and was triggered by my friend's house, food, family, athmosphere, people. My friend tries to eat healthy because of her ED but i think i have some weird ocd that i can only eat stuff im used to. Otherwise i feel like i'm going to throw up. And it turns out it's not just the ocd, i think my allergy got triggered. I know she and her granma were trying to save money, make everything himemada and i feel like a terrible person counsiously but uncounsciously my body resists - i gag, i get dizzy, i got my allergy, i got flashbacks from my granma and when i was living like that. And honestly i had to get out asap. I feel like a terrible person but you should see village in East Europe. Horrific. Like her granma and coisin cook by themselves and don't buy gifts but make small things, so does she for others birthdays and i'm probably the big bad capitalist but it's driving me insane because i was moving out and this stuff i couldn't throw it, i couldn't make use of it, it's completely useless but i can't throw it away and i have just 1 room. She has a whole house for it but honestly it looks so sad that Id rather be in my 1 room than in this triggering house. And i came back, fell asleep and my headache got better, Grandma called and was sounding her terrible Grandma sad way and i just couldn't talk. I can't deal with my family. I can't deal with stuff that triggers me. And that's expensive. And here i remember im too dizzy and irritateable to work. If i seem like im "bi+ching" im just really struggling. And don't get me started on my therapists. I don't want to hear any of them. I'm feeling allergic to the world rn. I feel bad, i feel guilty, i try to push myself but my body reacts. Allergy, insomnia, vertigo. God, my vertigo. It. Is. Killing. Me. (and no i don't think i can see a doctor rn who could help me, f this country)