Hi all. Thank you for all the wonderful responses to the post I made yesterday. I read every response.
I came clean with the ACT team I work with about not taking the meds. An ACT team, for those who don't know, is a community outreach program designed to prevent people from being hospitalized for mental health issues. They visit you 1-7 times a week (depending on your health) to make sure your OK. I've been working with an ACT team for four and a half years now.
I told the ACT team leader I stopped taking the meds, and she was much more understanding than I ever thought she would be. Of course, she never said "That's a good idea" but she also didn't violently call the police on me to hospitalize me. She just listened.
The hard part now is telling my parents. My mom has told me she wouldn't speak to me if I was ever off the meds. My dad has threatened to stop assisting with car payments and car insurance if I were off meds. But sooner or later, this is a choice I've been talking about making for years. The meds were hurting my self esteem. They made me feel like I was a zombie. And there was no way I would get closer to achieving my dreams while simultaneously feeling the way the meds made me feel.
I took 100mg of Zoloft yesterday and today to deal with the depression.
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blimpsgo180
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You are very welcome and hey, way to go!! I know that was really hard for you to do. I took myself off a medicine for 3 weeks when I was a teenager. I was SO nervous about coming clean, but I eventually did and guess what? While they were surprised, they were understanding.
Medicines are hard. We want that instant gratification. We expect them to work fast and, when they don't, we're like, "I hate this. I'm just not getting better".
Re your parents, if you are back on the meds now then all should be okay (?). You stopped the medicines for a reason. A very valid one in your mind. That reason and the feelings surrounding it are important and should be listened to. You're human (right? Kidding) and we as humans have real feelings.
I was taking an anit-psychotic, and admitting I'm not taking that now is going to be hard. I'm 35 years old. y dad's cousin died last night. He was only in his early 60s. What if I only live that long? I have been wanting to make this decision for a while and I'm glad I finally did. Thanks Norw
I understand that the medication made you feel like a zombie. I have felt that way on many medications and refuse to put them in my body. You know your body. Your team needs to come up with a regimen that works for you and doesn’t make you unable to function or feeling like a zombie ! Best of luck !
Maybe you need an adjustment of your dose of meds, or a different one altogether. I would be careful about stopping and restarting on my own if that's what you've done. That alone can cause major consequences, withdrawal, etc. I never heard of ACT(is that in the US?) but sounds like a great team to have for support.
I have been on pretty much every anti-psychotic that's out there and never felt it helped my cause. The Zoloft is helping now though. Yes, I live in the US and work with an ACT team.
When I first used Paxil it seemed to make a difference for awhile. But I have suffered the results of it for many years with night sweating that disturbs sleep, drowsiness most of the day so that I don't feel like doing much til around 3 pm so I go to bed late from 4 am to noon and miss much of the day. When I worked it was particularly difficult, and I would fall asleep in weekly morning staff meetings. I wanted to get off it and went to a psychiatrist to do so, and she replaced it with another that made my BP go up over 200; so it was back to paxil. I am so sorry I started it. It is hard to get off and must be done gradually as I am now doing. You will have some withdrawal side effects. I can't imagine it is safe to take it off and on as you seem to be doing.
Many medical doctors give these things out because it's the easiest. What really works long term is behavior modification, that includes the whole body with close attention to diet,* daily exercise (works better than antidepressants), regular sleep of 7-8 hours, meditation or prayer meditation, mindfulness with deep breathing focusing on calm music or nature, changing negative thoughts (the brain is a liar and needs to be led to beauty and positive thoughts). This is not as easy as a pill and must be practiced. If you are still young it will change your whole life and future.
Unless you have been diagnosed with severe suicidal depression or bipolar or other serious mental illness, you can get off the pills under the care of an understanding doctor who believes in lifestyle change. They may be hard to find. I found help at Weimar Institute in California during a short stay. It's a wellness center. *I follow their vegan diet (with fish at times) with lots of vegetables (as many greens as you can manage), fruits, nuts, tofu, beans to name a few. There are also supplements that help such as Balance of Nature that include fruits and vegetables. You can share this information with your parents.
Do some research if you are serious about healing. But beware of those on-line lectures that present information and then try to sell some product you can only get from them.
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Follow up if anyone cares. 
help! I have no idea what to do with my suicidal pain and my meds. I cant take it anymore
Questions about meds. 
Follow Up Question- Was I misdiagnosed? 
