New here

[FLaquaLady]

HI everyone. I am new here. I am going through some very difficult times here lately. My depression is kicking and my anxiety has been through the roof. I am in the process of getting my children the help they need.In that process, it feels like everything that I have been working so hard to overcome the past 2 years and heal has been ripped open and salt poured into the wound! Any encouragement is greatly appreciated.

[just_keep_swimming]

why does it feel like all your hard work is going down the drain ? What are you anxious/depressed about ? Sounds like to me you have been working really hard to get better you should not let a few things in your life disuade you .

[FLaquaLady in reply to just_keep_swimming]

I guess I thought I was at a place where I could openly talk about all the past trauma without losing it and I failed at it. I have a major fear of letting people down around me and failing them. I am in college working towards my bachelors degree, self employed, was working at another job until last week when I quit, and have three children. I constantly worry about failing them and my immediate family that I have left. The past couple of years has been some of the hardest years of my life, trying to overcome so many things. I just don't want to go backwards.

[just_keep_swimming in reply to FLaquaLady]

you are very strong and resilient . Just keep moving forward and don’t let your anxiety and depression consume you .

[Agora1]

I'm so truly sorry FLaqualLady that everything has seemed to come to a head more

recently. Are you trying to find therapy for your children as well as yourself?

I can only imagine that the children experienced the abuse you went through that

might have left all of you in a traumatic state. Give yourself credit in all you have

been doing to make the family as whole as possible. You sound like a good mother

and a good person who never deserved how you've been treated in the past.

I'd like to Welcome you to this caring and understanding forum. I think you may benefit

by the kindness shown by others who are going through traumatic times as well.

You are never alone. You have found safety with this virtual family of friends. I'm happy

you are here with us. xx

[FLaquaLady in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your warm welcome Agora1. My children are receiving therapy. My son was officially diagnosed on the autism spectrum a couple of weeks ago. I was in the process of all of the assessments and intakes for a new therapy place or him when I had to discuss from the time he was born until now. And that's when all the water works started flowin again. In my past I wasn't always the best mom but I am striving to be the best possible mom that I can be now.

[Agora1 in reply to FLaquaLady]

I can just imagine having to relive the past regarding your son, awakened all the

feelings you wanted to forget by moving on. None of us are the best moms when

we are just starting out. We learn through life experiences in what it takes to raise

a family. You must be incredibly strong to have survived what you went through.

Breaking down and crying was a release of your past emotions. Maybe a good thing

that the flood gates were open so you can start anew.

I have no doubts that you are and will be the best mom you can. Don't be hard on yourself. You have a difficult job ahead of you but know that you CAN and you WILL

make it through. We're only a message away whenever you need a friend. xx

[Dolphin14]

Welcome to the forum.

You have not failed. You are seeking help for your children and working on your own healing. This is all a heavy burden.

As a victim of trauma myself I found the only way to move on was to open the wounds. This is a very difficult and draining process. For me I couldn't move on until I found a greater understanding of who I was. Working through the trauma took a long time and is an ongoing process.

Thinking we are being judged is a part of us that stems from our trauma. Feeling like we are letting people down goes with this also. We must think of ourselves. You and your children come first. Try not to put too much weight on what you think others are feeling.

Please don't give up. You are on the right track

🐬

[FLaquaLady in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you Dolphin14 for explaining to me that the feelings I am having stems from the trauma I have experienced. I have not had anyone tell me this. I have been struggling with finding who I am. My coping skills used to be very self destructive. When I chose to stop being self destructive, I unfortunately lost most of my old friends, which makes me feel lonely. I don't really know where I fit in anymore. I have no clue what I like to do anymore to relax or have fun. Some days that is what I feel so down and out about. It has been very hard to make new friends for me. I thank you all for being here to listen to me get these feelings off of my chest

[Lve2dance]

Welcome😁😎.. Every one is super awesome and supportive here. ❤️