How do I deal with my brother? Feeling tyrranised

[Smink]

I have been really struggling lately with feelings of anger in relation to my brother. He does this thing where he touches me on the arm or the shoulder and he knows it really annoys me. I used to react and lash out but I have been controlling myself lately. However, the urge to lash out isn’t going away, in fact it nearly feels more intense. I don’t know how to address this problem I really need help. I don’t know if it’s something I should say to him calmly and politely, or to assert myself in some way. I just don’t know. He’s three years younger than me by the way, so it makes it harder. I sometimes feel belittled by him.

I’m writing this because it is becoming unbearable now. He arrived home from college for the weekend so I haven’t seen him for a while. However, just now he touched me in that annoying way and, again, I didn’t react, but I thought about going after him and punching him as hard as I could. I want to beat him. But I know violence is not the answer. I thought about just going to my room and crying instead. I came out for a walk just to calm down and nearly cried. All this because of one 3 second touch on my shoulder. I really need to understand where the anger is coming from. I guess I’m a sensitive person and have probably suffered from similar things in the past growing up, like bullies or people who have tyrannised me in other ways.

I know the biggest issue with this is that I am taking it personally, I feel victimised and targeted, and threatened. I know that this is also a good opportunity to get over this insecurity, to have more control and assertiveness without the emotional reaction and feelings of being teased and small.

I’m trying so hard to resist the urge to react, but I don’t know how best to respond, as in what to say or how to say it. How can I do this peacefully and maturely?? Thank you 🙏

[Hidden]

Maybe go for massage and get used to being touched and then maybe the reassurance from touch won't mean so much anguish

Or maybe go for hug instead?

[Hb2003]

i had the same thing happen to me with a classmate but hes not in that class anymore. in my last year of high school a friend hugged me from behind . and ever since I never liked to be touched from behind .

My class mate kept poking me from behind while I was doing group work . he also kept talking and talking and it was really distracting . and he was complaining about the class . and he was laughing I told him stop you’re scaring me and he didn’t listen he kept persisting and somebody had to intervene because I was a bit scared and nervous . and I didn’t want my classmate to be mad at me . I got creepy vibes from recently I’m trying to stay away from him. i get really anxious and jittery when i see him

[Blueruth]

why does he do this? You could start with that question. We have personal space. Maybe this is a violation of your personal space?

[Raggedy-Ann]

Your brother knows how to push your buttons even when you don't react. Yes, he is trying to prove his dominance. Annoying. Assert your self in a way that questions his maturity. Or get a taser, that might stop him lol. I have a brother who tackled me and farted on my head into our late 20's... really.. I found reacting differently stopped him in his tracks. It wasn't funny to me ever.

[Smink in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

thank you, yes you’re right. How did you react differently to your brother?