I struggle with comparing myself to others, especially those who are successful. It makes it hard for me to want to try because "I'll never be as good as they are" even though I know the reason they're doing so well is because they've been doing it longer than I have.
How do I stop comparing myself to others and find value in myself?
I wish there was an easy answer to this. I struggled with the same thing for many years. I'm still guilty of it from time to time. For me it was about shifting the focus back to myself. Instead of being angry and frustrated and sad all the time because others appeared to be so much better off, I started to focus more on the things I could do to improve my lot in life. "All these guys are bigger and better looking than me." Okay, time to start eating smarter and working out. "Those people have more money/nicer things than me." All right, I'll start saving money and being smarter about how I spend what I have. "Why is everyone else more interesting than me?" I'll embrace the interests and talents I do have and engage with people who have similar ones. There are always going to be people who seem to have more going for them than we do. But by turning that envy around we can end up in a better place.
And just remember: if the grass seems greener on the other side, its usually because its fertilized with bulls#!t. People are great at pretending to be more than they really are. And often those who we are jealous of aren't doing nearly as well as they seem.
It's not just about figuring out your own value, it's about figuring out that you are already whole, that you are already complete. Everything you could ever desire is already within your mind, waiting to be actualized if it hasn't been already. I mean really, we're all capable of ruling the whole damn world if one was determined enough!
When you recognize this completeness, there will never be a need for comparison.
This was gonna be a lot longer, but there's way too many variables to finding self-worth than I can shove into this one tiny post. Although I can always elaborate further if there's interest 
Hey Milk, I can relate. My negative comparisons lately, have been about some of my family members being more outgoing and extraverted than me. I like what WW said about being whole already and complete already, we just need to embrace it! I forget that the relationships that I do have are strong, real and authentic. I will probably never be that guy who loves a huge party, and that is ok. So maybe, in a babbling way, I'm saying look at yourself, love yourself, despite the quirks, wrinkles and imperfections!!
Hi MS, when you are looking at other especially on the internet , they only talk about the good parts of their lives. It's like having imaginary people, they have no flaws. ie- I just lost some weight with a flattering photo. but they are going through a divorce and have no appetite.
The answer I have to your question is CONTENTMENT. With its etymological root in Latin—contentus., meaning a Sense of connection of “contained” and “satisfied”. That is, the desire of an individual who is contented is bound by the value of want he/she already has. And, this value, is sometimes relative. It is often shaped by individuality, group, and society.
At any of the above levels, I will suggest that the appreciation (value) of whatever we have even if, like a sports or music person, we think and truly others are doing better than us, will make us satisfied and rested that we are doing our BEST (and truly we must do our best). Additionally, if you look at those people you tend to compare yourself with, there are some other things that you can be sure of which you are better. It can be culinary skills, swimming, writing, academics, language(s), diligence, and so on. While we do not suggest the celebration of anyone's deficiencies, we must take pride in what we do and do better or best (and still without comparing ourselves to others).
Furthermore, I have learned even through experience that an improvement, even painstakingly, is a strong antidote to the comparison syndrome. When one increases his/her effort in the work of their interest, it supplies a feeling of satisfaction. It reassures the mind, body, and soul that you are doing great and makes you happy despite knowing that a lot of people are far better than you in that specialization.
I will conclude by stating that our destinies are different and therefore the innate gifts we have to fulfill them are different which makes us, EVERYONE, exceptionally good at certain things.
Excel!
HHi Milkshake_15,
Ive just read something really interesting about comparison, which makes a lot of sense to me.
When we compare ourselves to others we do so very inaccurately. Our brain takes one element of the other person, usually the best element in some conext, and compares our whole self to that one element in that one context. Thats crazy if we think about it. (Even though advertising relies on us doing exactly that - but remeber advertising is preying on that, to sell us something, not make our lives better).
If we stopped and did this really accurately we would find that that comparison was hugely unfair. We may see that somone is very good looking, but we dont see that that person has a bad relationship, or is not as good as us at being compassionate / sewing / drawing / or any other of the millions of other things that could be compared. We take one element and assume the rest are all excellent too. Which almost certainly isn't true.
We also dont know how that person compares to their yesterday, and in the end that is what is important.
How we compare our today to our yesterday, or the day / month / year before. Not how we compare to others today (or at any time). We are all too different to make any sort of fair comparison between us.
Having a mental illness can actually be a huge learning experience, and has probably made you much better at something than you used to be, even if you feel that it has taken a lot from you too.
Try to compare your self to yourself only, and be kind, thats the only fair comparison.
Xx
I compare myself to others also. The result is, I am never as good as them in my mind. I don't know how to stop doing this either. If you learn how, please let me know! I try to cling to the idea that we are all individuals, with our unique problems, talents and experiences. I don't know why I was cursed with my traits, but maybe it is to learn how to see my traits as a blessing in the form of a great challenge to overcome. Maybe that is the only reason I am here. Maybe we were never intended to "be like everybody else." The universe would be far from complete if we were all alike. Maybe we were given our bad traits for the purposes of understanding other people better and having empathy for them. I wish I was better at that, but maybe that's what I am here to learn. Anyway, I am rambling, so I will shut up now.
Get one of those people on side with you and ask them to tell you how they got to where they are. Tell them you admire them and ask for their help. If you are surrounded by a lot of people who are successful, firstly, that's better than being around a lot of losers, and secondly, one of them has got to be a bit friendly and willing to give you some help.
I have always been compared to others by my parents which has taught me to do the same. They think it’s helpful and will push me to be a better person & more successful when in reality it just gave me a inferiority complex with no successes.
I’m sorry I have no advice only that I can relate. Others here have posted some great responses 🙏that I will try to apply.
Would I ever be okay?
Competitive and Comparison Thoughts
Self Worth
Does anyone ever feel like people want and take more from you..
Obsessive thoughts
