Feeling annoyed and disheartened after a first appointment telephone call with my area’s NHS wellbeing service that I had this afternoon.
I had to build myself up for this call because I felt anxious not knowing what to expect. I thought I was being brave by trying to arrange therapy even though it’s so stigmatised etc. And unfortunately my anxiety was proved right in this instance :/ it felt a bit cringe, emotionless, pointless. Kind of wanted to hang up because it was not a comfortable experience. She rang almost 10 minutes late and there was no apology, and no forethought that clients will be feeling even more anxious when you leave them waiting for the call.
The lady made me feel quite uncomfortable, asking random things out of nowhere and not explaining why she was asking them. It goes a LONG way to actually explain what's going on, explain fully what this call is for and why she's going to ask certain questions. There was none of that at all. She gave the impression that she was awkward in her role with an air of disinterest. It felt like one random question after another, taking me aback over and over! And bearing in mind this is the first point of contact with the service, having a cold lady on the other end of the phone asking you very personal stuff doesn’t exactly make you want to bleed your heart out does it? She made no effort to build a rapport. Some of the questions were just odd too. So you do have friends? Are they good? What are you meant to say to that…
Honestly, she was making me feel quite negative, with her asking about friends and relationships. It’s hard to explain but the way she was phrasing it seemed so off and even rude. Her tone of voice came off as judgemental and rude, even pitying maybe? Quite b!tchy. And it sounded like she suddenly had more interest in her voice when I mentioned a previous relationship ending and she wanted to know more about why it ended, bit cheeky! She disregarded the other things I’d mentioned and latched onto the part about my relationship ending. Seemed like she perked up at the prospect of a bit of gossip lol! Perhaps to make herself feel better.
She asked why I’m using them rather than my uni’s counselling service, which made me feel she was basically accusing me of using the wrong service. As if I’m wasting their time because I SHOULD be using the uni service (which, by the way, only offers a limited amount of counselling sessions and no CBT and terribly long waiting times). I was a bit confused and shocked when she asked that. Like why should it matter? Is it actually any of her business and isn't it her job to make me feel like the service is glad I was brave enough to contact them for support? 🤔
Also, it’s quite discomfiting when she suddenly asked have you harmed yourself or had suicidal thoughts or tried to go through with it etc. I know she was probably reading off a checklist but, cmon, use some judgement and common sense! There was no flow of conversation, she just sprung them out of nowhere! And even when I said no she kept wanting to go on about that! It felt a bit triggering and crossing a line somehow lol. They already ask that in the pre-completed survey too, is there really a need to keep going on about it, especially when the answer is no?
She became rather rude when saying how I’d have to be put on the waiting list and won’t be seen until December earliest. This took me aback too because the service advertised as getting you an appointment within 2 weeks. Quite misleading and not really a good way to manage expectations is it? Not that I challenged her about it, I was already feeling like a popped balloon due to her lack of rapport.
I felt like her social skills were a bit poor to be honest, lol. The service describes itself as providing a warm and welcoming approach from all staff, yet it felt more like the opposite. Cold, unfeeling and a bit accusatory. She even made a dog’s dinner of drawing the call to a close, it was hard to tell if she was wrapping it up then all of a sudden she’s awkwardly mumbling bye and trying to rush me off the phone! It was meant to be an hour appointment but she quite suddenly ended it after a little over half an hour.
The overall feeling was that she was not well trained in the necessary communication skills for her job. Unfortunately it left me feeling inadequate and uncomfortable even though it’s literally HER job to make me feel welcomed and supported into the service.
So now I’m lucky enough (lol) to await another call from her in the coming weeks to see if a spot arises for CBT in December. Wondering if anyone else feels a bit hopeless/helpless and uncomfortable when trying to seek therapy or mental health support for themselves, when there’s workers like the one I had today that make it all feel so discouraging…
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Generally during an intake interview a lot of questions are asked and most of them are quite personal. Therapy is about dealing with the private, intimate parts of your life. In order to be effective it is necessary for the therapist to know a lot of very personal information about you. If they only know the outer or public facade, you cannot be helped.
It is unfortunate, though, that she did not have a warmer personality and apparently could not put you at ease.
Unfortunately, that's been my experience too and I agree with b1b1b1 . They're supposed to ask you a lot of questions during that initial intake, and a lot of the questions they ask may be very personal and can be out of sorts. I've been asked the same question multiple times in different ways, so I get your frustration with that. And yes, it seems like they lack common sense. If you still don't have like that person the next time you talk to them, it may be time to move on
To those in the US, this is the UK NHS community mental health / wellbeing service, not therapy. They are the gateway to NHS therapy often, but they are not therapists, often just over worked, under paid form fillers.
The NHS mental health services are unfortunately vary variable to say the least. In some areas they are good, in a lot they are not.
I had to go private to get to see a physiatrist because my GP said there was no point refering me to the NHS service because the wait time was just way too long (over 6 months). GPs are very reticent to prescribe anything other than a single standard SSRI at a low dose, so seeing a phyciatrist is often required just to get a sensible review of medication.
If you can then going private for therapy might be worth it. Or you could try one of the Apps (Thrive, My Possible Self). You can get access to Thrive and other apps / online service through the NHS if you google it.
This really does help, thank you! I have to admit I felt a HUGE weight lifted just by typing out the post lol. It's crazy how much it helps to write out bad experiences and try to make sense of them, rather than let it remain a dark cloud in your head, and also how easy it is to forget how much writing it out helps to process things and feel more positive!
And thanks for clarifying for other repliers too that the person I spoke to and had the bad experience with was not a therapist but an underpaid over-worked form filler as you so aptly put it!!
That's brilliant advice about trying to see a psychiatrist too. I'm lucky enough to have a mentor who recommended doing that too, otherwise I'd have no idea what a psychiatrist is even for or that they are even relevant for me. I've been putting it off because the word 'psychiatrist' still feels so scary, stigmatised and unknown, plus I'm scared of GPs having a negative reaction to me mentioning it. I think it's time I do try to join that long waiting list.
And thank you as well for the recommendation of those therapy apps. I'm downloading Thrive now!
Just a little update about the Thrive app. I am LOVING it! What an amazing thing to get free CBT. It makes me feel calmer and empowered when I open the app. I do just a little bit each day and always look forward to it. I also love the muscle relaxation exercises, and the messages in a bottle function is soo fun and positive! I love a good positive quote so it's great to send and receive them with strangers, and to see the funny randomised names lol (mine is Cosmic Golden Princess 😇) Thank you sooo much for suggesting it! 🥰
I understand where you are coming from in respect of Universities and employers even may only be able to offer limited counselling services and of a particular type i.e person centred counselling.
There is no right or wrong service to go to really when it comes to counselling as counselling is personal and it could be one counsellor in one service for whatever reason doesn’t feel they are able to effectively work with you and professional level or you may not feel you can work with a particular counsellor.
I can see from what you have said making that first call took a lot of courage for you and you should be proud that you took that first step.
It could be the person on the phone was having a bad day and maybe didn’t realise how they were making you feel.
First contact with a service can sometimes feel as though a lot of random questions are being asked but it’s generally to build a picture of you and who your support network is or if you have one at all. For the most part it is generally to help get you the right support from the right people or person.
Try not to be discouraged about this next call and I appreciate it may be hard but if you are feeling uncomfortable why not let the person know how you feel as they might not be aware that is how they are making you feel.
Keep your chin up, you have done great by taking that first step.
Aww this is a lovely reply, thank you. You've helped me feel better and understand their perspective more too.
I just think it would have been much better practice on their part if they had literally said to me at the start, 'it may feel like I'm going to ask you a lot of random and quite personal questions now but it's to help build a picture of you and who your support network is etc... you can pause at any time and you can ask me to explain questions more' etc. Especially as I imagine the demographic of people she is speaking to will generally be people who are feeling quite vulnerable, struggling with a period of depression/anxiety and can really do with that extra forethought and warmer hand-holding approach.
You're right too that she could have been having a hard day herself, and that it's a good idea for me to make people aware of how they're making me feel, though of course that's difficult to do when it's a new experience and you're feeling taken aback. And it can be hard to make sense of your own emotions in the moment, let alone articulate it. And it can be awkward to feel like you're being a difficult customer and confrontational. But, I feel more empowered and equipped to advocate for myself in that way going forward.
I'm sorry to hear you thought the experience wasn't helpful. As others have said, the initial appointment does involve a lot of personal questions (you are right, there is a checklist) that may seem irrelevant to why you want to speak to a counsellor. There's several reasons for this, many that others have already stated.
You will find quite often that what you think you need to talk to a counsellor about, and what you actually need to talk to a counsellor about, are two different things. Using the information being gathered, a therapist can unpack things that you might not have considered was part of the problem. It does sound like the person didn't do a good job of introducing that they would need to ask these questions. When I had counselling through NHS my therapist talked me through the questions she would need to ask. It's kind of like going to the doctors for a stomach pain and they check if there's a chance you're pregnant or sexually active - it may seem irrelevant and obvious, but it needs to be checked.
As for moving forward, the thing to remember with counselling is that every counsellor is different, and you won't always get the right one first time. You shouldn't write off all therapy as bad because of one bad experience. My first NHS counsellor was awful - I have a habit of deflecting the conversation away from myself, and she fell for it every time. We spent most of my sessions talking about her divorce and life as a single parent, and she never once clocked that I was deliberately shifting the conversation onto her.
My second NHS therapist was incredible. She was not easily fooled, could tell immediately every time I was trying one of my deflection tricks, and often could pinpoint something that I hadn't even realised was a contributing factor to my sadness. I went there for a delve into why I felt like life was pointless and like a waiting room of just killing time until we die. I didn't think it had any connection at all to my past, my childhood, my learned thought patterns, my inferiority complex, etc. Suddenly some of those "out of nowhere" irrelevant questions from the initial appointment started to make sense. She was so fantastic that after the NHS sessions ended, I kept her on as a private therapist for over 2 years.
My point is, your experience shouldn't taint your overall view of counselling. The two of you might not gel well together, or their methods might not suit you. That's absolutely fine, so maybe try someone new when you can and feel able to. Counsellors are people too, with their own approaches to psychology, and it's important to find one that works for you. Good luck and stay safe.
Thank you for this thoughtful reply 😊 lol that's made me laugh how you learnt more about your first counsellor's divorce than she about you!! Glad you found such a gem with your second NHS therapist.
Brilliant points about each counsellor/therapist being different and not to let it discourage you. I've heard people say that, to keep trying until you find the right fit. It applies to the situation I had too, even though she was the form-filler gatekeeper and not the counsellor. Sometimes we're just not a good match with people, don't work well together, or just get unlucky that someone isn't the best at their job. But that doesn't mean the entire experience will be like that or that we should let it taint the whole experience or taint the whole idea of getting therapy! So I shall not be discouraged, thank you x
hi sorry to hear of your experience had a very long wait to get my NHS appointment over a year and it was supposed to be a video call but I`m not that great with technology so it was changed to face to face and it went great and they referred me to one closer to home and that starts in a week or two.ask for face to face I find it easier and suppose it suits them as well.
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I have to admit I felt a HUGE weight lifted just by typing out the post lol. It's crazy how much it helps to write out bad experiences and try to make sense of them, rather than let it remain a dark cloud in your head, and also how easy it is to forget how much writing it out helps to process things and feel more positive!
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