really struggling

[BuddyR]

I am currently experiencing a severe episode of anxiety and depression which feels like it’s completely destroying my life in every aspect. I started Zoloft last night but obviously will not see the potential benefit of that for a while. I’m just looking for encouragement and something to sustain me as right now I haven’t even been able to get off the couch to shower or have the energy and motivation to utilize any healthy coping strategies. My mind is unable to focus and if I try reframing my thoughts I end up just challenging myself. Feeling really stuck. I have two kids ages 4 and 7 which is giving me severe guilt that I cannot care for them the way I want as mommy is “sick”.

[QCuriosa]

BuddyR. It’s hard when you have young kids but your first obligation is with yourself. You must take care of yourself. Anxiety; try chamomille tea and really take some time alone to drink it while relaxing your breathing. Pacing helps me too ,feeling the floor under me. Listen to therapy in a nutshell on you tube. Therapists voice and message is good. Depression - it wants to make you believe that you will always feel this low. You won’t. Zoloft will help and if not , then you will try another one until you find one your body likes.

Do you have help with the kids?

[BuddyR in reply to QCuriosa]

thank you so much. Just hearing words of reassurance knowing I’m not alone is so helpful. Caring for the kids is my biggest struggle and worry aside from myself. They certainly aren’t being neglected or anything to that extent but I still feel guilty that I cannot engage with them and I just sit on the couch spaced out in my own head. My husband works overnight and sleeps during the day so I’m essentially on my own Sunday-Thursday. Luckily the days are fine for them for the most part between school and childcare. It’s the hours between 4 to bedtime where I struggle most as I don’t want to be alone with the kids due to feeling overwhelmed. Every little task feels like climbing a mountain and I just can’t. I want to isolate myself from everyone but I also don’t want to be alone. I get anxiety thinking about my husband going back to sleeping and work tomorrow because I will have to take over. It feels kind of like my previous experience with post partum depression. I had to have my mom come over and the only thing I was able to do was sit and nurse the baby and they had to do everything else. I took Zoloft at that time too and it helped 4 and 7 years ago. Hard to see the light though this time. My mom is in her 70s now and has her own stressors so I don’t want to put her through taking on everything now.

I also project that I can’t go to work, get the kids to after school activities etc. and catastrophic everything. trying to stay in the moment.

[QCuriosa in reply to BuddyR]

Hi! those of us who had postpartum unfortunately will probably have depression recurring several times in our life. At least that’s what I’ve read and that’s what happened to me. I can tell that you’re still young, but you probably feel very fatigued right now, no energy. The Zoloft will start acting a little by little and first you’ll feel maybe energy come back, your appetite and then lastly the mood. You know it worked for you in the past. Once again take care of yourself ; take nice showers or baths, play music, hug your kids and let their innocence and love fill you. And, most importantly, do not feel guilt over not being able to provide the care that you always have for them. You have a disease just like having heart problems or diabetes or migraines. You will get better

[Starrlight]

❤️💙❤️

[Raggedy-Ann]

The waiting part seems so long. I too needed relief now! Just know you will get some relief and in the meantime, do something nice for yourself like a shower, wash off some of the darkness.

[BuddyR in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Thank you. I took a shower today and even that was such a huge task so I tried to view that as a success. It’s very hard for me as I am usually an over achiever, always on the go, and very independent. This has brought me to a complete halt in life where I am having to let my house become a mess, ask others for help in caring for my kids, expanding my support network as I previously only opened up to a select few. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It really helps to hear that I am not alone and others have come out on the other side.

[Raggedy-Ann]

Yes, a shower is a win. I am hoping to take a bath tomorrow. I need it tonight but I don't have the energy.

[Good_for_us]

Thinking of you. Yes, everything you do is a win! Try not to think about the time stretching in front of you- just take one day at a time. One book that I found helpful- super easy to read, is Claire Weeks ‘Help and hope for your Nerves’. Try to keep your to-do list a minimum (even with the kids) so you don’t feel overwhelmed when you wake up in the morning. Try to smile and even laugh with the kids- it will help all of you. ❤️❤️