I just don't know what to do

[Supergirlfan]

It's been a long time since I've posted on here. I feel stuck in my situation. I just want to be far away from where I am now. I am treated like a chid here even though I am 34. Every time I try and do something it's not good enough. I don't vaccum right, clean right, dress right, like the right things, and even sit right. I can't be myself. I have to hide who I really am. I am stuck living with my mom and godmother and i hate it. I have been volunteering with a local cat rescue for a little over a year now and even that is not good enough. Every time I have tried to find a job it fails. I don't even know what I want to do. All I know is how I react in certain high stress situations and it's not good. I get overwhelmed and overstimulated and I either shut down or melt down. I panic at the very thought of having a job. My brain immediatetly goes to all the negative things and what ifs and I just don't know what to do. My godmother has called me all the names you can think of. I have heard it all but her son is like the golden child who can do no wrong. I try to ignore her but it gets really hard sometimes. In the past almost 2 years I have lost my aunt, dad, uncle, and my cat. I just want to be able to be free, be with my boyfriend, have a life together, be myself without getting made fun of an put down, but I don't even know where to start. Nobody believes me that I have anxiety and possibly Autism besides my boyfiend who also has autism and I can't afford testing or anything I wouldn't even be allowed to do that anyway. I am hardly allowed to go anywhere. I just want out. So if anyone has any advice on what I can do to find a job or anything to help me get out of here that would be great and my boyfiend and I can't live together just yet he is in the process of getting a better a apartment and other things too. Thank you to anyone who has any advice and for any help it's very much appreciated.

[Dolphin14]

Emotional abuse will effect every aspect of your life. It's so sad that people think it's ok to do this.

All I can tell you is I walked out of my house at the age of 18. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to go. I didn't care I just knew I had to leave.

I hope you can find a way out. You deserve peace.

🐬

[101315]

You can be yourself here. Perhaps by exploring the person you are here you will discover what you are interested in. You may also unlock the strength to do the things you have to. No matter what age you are, there are opportunities waiting for you. Set any pride aside and apply at unlikely places such as McDonalds, or a gas station. Typically these are easy jobs to get and can open several other doors going forward.

[HunnyBunny12]

I could share advise but I feel a hug will do better. 🤗