If you’re depressed, you’re living in the past; if you’re anxious, you’re living in the future…. quote by Lao Tzu
I don’t want to talk in favour or against the above statement. But I just can’t take this statement as generalised statement.
It can’t be always the fact that who are depressed necessarily living in past and every person dealing with anxiety need not necessarily living in future. One can be depressed and anxious without any significant reason, without dwelling into past or future.
The more worst condition is when one is struggling with depression and anxiety at the same time. Only those can understand it, who are actually going through all this, academic degrees, experience of dealing with such patients/people can give you glimpse of it, and thats why their diagnosis/analysis is based on standard questioner. Its not their fault, but their approach to generalise and try to fit everyone into same therapy model is wrong.
Its very easy to say watch your thoughts, distract yourself, do meditation, breathing exercises, change your mindset, I’m not saying these things won’t help but trust me its damn difficult to remain so focussed and determined and motivated. Lot of emphasis is being made on the fact that take day at a time, take baby steps. It takes lots n lots of effort n courage to take few steps ahead and one fine day you just being pushed back to the point from where you started, infact few steps more behind the last starting point. Just try to imagine this situation, this process drains out your energy, in this scenario if someone says try to see positivity in this and keep trying, trust me ( dont want to offend anyone, ‘coz afterall they are our wellwishers) but at that point of time I feel like to yell at them and want to say just stop giving advice.
Its not their fault, and I always wish and hope noone has to undergo such conditions, such invisible illness, particularly mental health issues like depression, anxiety. They wont understand that anxiety is terrible, you could be having an attack and no one would even know, because it’s an inward thing. It feels like you’re malfunctioning and you can’t process your own thoughts. You get a knot in your stomach and you can’t take a full breath, but outwardly you can literally just sit there and look completely normal, as long as no one tries to speak to you…
The moments where you are depressed and anxious at the same time is like swinging pendulum between feelings of being passed out and feeling that you are about to die, this situation ,these moments are one of the worst moments. Its kind of feeling being tired and scared at the same time, feeling of cutting off from everyone and at same time want to be in touch with your friends. The feeling,the fear of being failure but lack of urge to be productive. Its a feeling of being paralysed numbness.
My personal journey of anxiety and depression is so far like, one fine day I wake up and I’m able to work towards the goals I made for myself, even in the presence of anxiety and depression but then one fine day I wake up and find myself struggling to even make it through a day. Its difficult to depend on this ‘ self coming’ moments to work towards my goals, time is running out. Life is like sand, slipping out of my hands, have no control on it. My soul is like lion being put in a cage, who wants to roar, roar in anger, pain to fight the situation and break this cage and roar at its pitch, but as days passed ,the frustration of being not able to roar is like punishment . This helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, pain, suffering killing me but not in one shot, instead daily dying drop by drop like slow poisoning.
Don’t know whether this drama going to end or not, and if it meant to end then when and how? Fed up from this inner yearning , the small string of hope that it ll end. I pray either this drama ends or this hope ends ,if live in peace not possible then atleast HE allows to rest in peace.….pratyaya singh #anxiety #depression #frustrating #mental health #stuck in cage #swinging like pendulum