Hey, I’m f23 and I have my first relationship, which happens to be a long distance one. Since the beginning but mostly lately I have a huge fear of being betrayed by my bf (m23).
Let me clarify that he’s never given me any reason to believe so. He’s supportive, we talk and call everyday and work on our relationship.
I think my family has left me a big trauma as almost no man has been loyal to his marriage. The huge shock came when I learned that my father was having an affair when I was 2yo during all the period I was having chemotherapy.
I do see therapist for my anxiety and will definitely discuss all this. But the appointment won’t be soon and this insecurity and the thoughts that brings are quite a torture. Any suggestion would be appreciated.
Thanks for reading.
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StressedWhale
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This is a famous German story and it is narrated by none other than Sigmund Freud, father of Psycho-Analysis.
It happened once in a big hotel that a man came to stay. The manager was a little hesitant in giving him a room although there was an empty room.
The man said, "Why are you hesitating so much?"
The manager said, "The reason is, just below that room there is a politician staying, a very famous man and very powerful, a big gun. And he is annoyed by small things, so we have kept the room above him empty for three days since he has been here -- because if anybody walks, some noise is created. If you move something some noise is created, and he becomes so irritated and so angry that he creates much fuss about it."
The stranger said, "Don't be worried! I will be very careful. Moreover, I am going to stay only overnight. I will be coming near about twelve in the night because I have much work to do in the town, and I will be leaving early in the morning, at five o'clock. There is not much possibility that between twelve and five I will do anything which will irritate the great man. At most, I will be asleep and dreaming, and I don't think my dreams will disturb him."
The manager was convinced: "If he is going to stay just for five hours there is no problem."
He was allowed.
At twelve, the man reached his room exhausted; the whole day's work, a thousand and one things clamouring in his head. He had completely forgotten the politician. He entered his room. He was so tired. He sat on his bed, took off one of his shoes and threw it in the corner of the room. Then suddenly the noise of the shoe reminded him that maybe the politician, the great leader, would get disturbed, may be awakened. So the other shoe he put down very silently.
After one hour, the politician knocked on his door. The man came out of his sleep, opened the door and said, "Have I done anything? -- because for one hour I have been asleep."
The politician was red with anger.
He said; "Yes! Where is the other shoe? I cannot manage to sleep. That other shoe goes on hanging, a continuous question in my mind -- where has the other shoe gone? Is this man sleeping with one shoe on? One I know you have thrown, but what happened to the other one? I have tried in every possible way to get rid of the idea -- that this is not my concern. How am I concerned with his shoe? But the more I have tried to get rid of the idea the more I have become possessed by it. Now there is only one possible way to go to sleep: to come and wake you and ask you what happened. Unless I know, I cannot sleep."
………………….
It is said that everything in the world is made up of energy. Likewise, thought is also being considered as bits and flows of energies. Hence you can't and shouldn't try to stop it. It is wise to transorm it from one form to another.
Nice this site, really it is, reading your post is a kind of comfort because you are right, you are, so right, you have Fear, well I am no doctor, just that this is so true of people like us that have experienced fear.
I am a man but same way round no different, I used to feel, the shame the shame of my past experiences with what I see and witnessed, the shame of my own family and their behaviour just like you and the shame how I felt with relationships.
For me, I believe you are doing the right thing, take your time, if it were me, I would have over analysed too, after all we were watching every little detail of our parents behaviour, watching, listening trying to make sense as a child, it was truamatic and it does leave a scar.
For me I did not understand the connection for years, that is between being abused, I know abuse is a really harsh word and to think my parents abused me was just something I was never going to accept, admit or ever tell anyone. but it is true it happened.
Today things are getting better, more understanding, trained Therapy like you have all good living in our time, its ok, we know these things now, in fact I want to climb the tallest building and tell everyone I am Normal for an abused child and I am getting over it.
If I was you, I can image you have some affection between your new boyfriend yet frightened to scare him off with a statement like I have truama, I can understand how you may feel.
30 yrs ago when I met my wife she first told me she suffered mental health when she was younger and still had difficulties, I said ok, we can work it out, help me to understand what's going on, still now happily married, little did I know I was affected by childhood trauma when she told me this and found out years later.
I am so pleased you have a therapist, (they were my saviour) a good therapist, that I mean I had tried some that I really did not gel with, this can take a bit of time, but you will crack this nut, best wishes.
I'm SO sorry you've gone through these difficulties and for me, I use some very useful slow deep breathing, muscle tension relaxation, and visualization/ mindfulness exercises. I hope you have a great day today! 🫂(((StressedWhale)))🫂
Hello it’s nice to meet you so I have been cheated on about 3 years ago and it was awful I tend to put so much trust in a man and it was long distance as well so I know how you are feeling I know it’s not easy with the distance how long have you guys been dating have you talked about meeting in person and getting to know each other better because that might help too I am also dating a man long distance and we are working on meeting in person very soon in about a month if you need a friend or someone to talk to I am here for you
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Now dumped for \"cheating\" 
I am afraid of the telephone.
is he cheating? 
my bf cheated on me today
Would you tell a girl that her boyfriend has been cheating on her? 
