I have just recently moved back to my home country from a 4-month trip in America. I had a difficult experience in the US and though I originally planned to live there for a year I decided to cut it short and I got a pretty urgent flight home to get out the stressful environment that I was living in. Up to this time I was recovering from some severe experiences of anxiety and I can say that I am still getting better and learning more about myself as time goes on. Right now, I am living at home and taking it easy while I build my confidence up and work towards my future goals.
However, I was experiencing some symptoms of anxiety yesterday and I want to put down my thoughts in words to try and get some understanding and to see what you guys have to say.
Sometimes I think I forget that I have anxiety and how much it can influence my day-to-day life. I am a pretty active person, I am always doing things like getting outside and meeting people and working on things like writing, however, sometimes it feels like I am taking a step backward, and that I am not actually getting better because of the underlying control which the anxiety has in my life.
Yesterday evening I was trying to read a book but my heart was pounding in my chest and I could feel it in my neck and my face and legs. I did some journalling instead. After that, later at night, after speaking to a friend on video chat who is currently in the US I went to bed and it took me a long time to get to sleep. This hasn't happened for a while. Also, earlier that day I had met a guy I know from my town and I struggled to maintain conversation at times (as I usually experience) and tried not to slip into the usual thought patterns associated with my social anxiety. Also, I sold something from my home to these people through Facebook Marketplace and that was slightly stressful, but nothing major (I had to do some negotiating). I think it was a combination of all these experiences that got to me in the evening and come bedtime.
I find the whole thing confusing. I know that in order to get over social anxiety and increase my confidence and self-esteem I need to confront these situations including socialising with friends. However, it feels like sometimes it is doing more harm than good. Anyone have any thoughts? Thank you.