Is it my fault I’m depressed?

[fianoelle]

Maybe I’m not doing enough or not applying myself enough in therapy? I feel like I try and try and try and don’t make any forward progress. Everybody expects me to be doing better cause of all the treatment I’ve been through but I don’t know how to be ok. Am I doing something wrong?

[Hidden]

Of course it's not your fault! Would it be a diabetic's fault that they have diabetes? You can only do your best. As long as you're trying, that is enough.

You're not doing anything wrong either.

[AnxiousSilver]

"Everybody expects me to be doing better cause of all the treatment I’ve been through"

Yeah... *sigh* that one stinks.

.

About 20 years ago I went on a serious med-merry-go round. If you named the med, I probably took it.

Well guess what, none of those meds were working, and I definitely had first hand knowledge of, "shouldn't you be better by now" stuff. (which BTW isn't helpful to the person that's suffering)

Truth be told, you can't treat anxiety or depression like it's a broken arm or a 12 step recovery program.

.

Sadly you need to go through all the stuff that works and doesn't work. Some people get really lucky, and get instantly better on the first pill that they try. (I sometimes get jealous of them, because they are kinda like the person that never had to study in school, but still got all "A"s.)

But if it wasn't for my personal struggle of finding out what works and what doesn't work, I wouldn't have found this community, and the wonderful people that help keep it together.

[bethelbee]

Sorry you are having a rough time! You are doing nothing wrong. It often takes a while to find the right med or right treatment to start feeling better. As AnxiousSilver said , he can relate to the 'shouldn't you be better by now' stuff. I can too. I had friend tell me 2 years ago she didn't think I was trying hard enough to get better when she had no idea what I was doing or trying. I was livid! Noone knows what another is actually going through. After decades of being on meds(they worked for a while) I became treatment resistant. Luckily my therapist recommended TMS and it has worked for me. That's what works for me. I hope you find what works for you! We're here for you.... keep us posted.

[Audiomarc1 in reply to bethelbee]

Hi bethelbee. Can you tell me what TMS is? Does it really help with bad depression. 😃

[bethelbee in reply to Audiomarc1]

Hi! TMS is transcranial magnetic stimulation. It's a noninvasive treatment that uses magnetic pulses on a part of the brain to help relieve depression. Treatment is 5x/wk for about 7 weeks with each treatment about 20 minutes. You feel a tapping on your head when it pulses. When done you can just go about your day. Usually you start to feel better in a few weeks. Results vary as with any treatment. For some it doesn't work(also as with any treatment or med). I've had 3 rounds over the past few years; at one point it literally saved my life. My therapist had recommended it to me. She has clients that have been in remission for quite a while. Talk to your doctor or therapist about it if interested. Feel free to DM me if you want to know more.

[xlseeor in reply to bethelbee]

TMS sounds scary to me. What if it screws up the brain even more. I couldn't cope with that. Everything sounds scary to me right now. My depression and anxiety have never been worse and it has settled in. Nothing I do works. Meds, CBT, prayer. Ugh, I need this to end so I can find a job and get out of this mess I'm in.

[bethelbee in reply to xlseeor]

It does not 'screw up the brain'. For many it works for some it doesn't as with any treatment. I would never do ECT due to the possibility of memory loss(happened to a friend of mine and has happened to others and I also would personally not try ketamine due to significant risks, especially when having other health issues. You can contact SuccessTMS(if you are in the US) or another clinic that provides it and speak to them about it.

[fianoelle in reply to bethelbee]

I’ve been diagnosed treatment resistant too, it sucks. I’m cycling back through things I’ve already taken but I’ve thought about stuff like TMS or I’ve heard of ketamine before.

[bethelbee in reply to fianoelle]

As stated above I had success with TMS. Obviously everyone responds differently. Personally I wouldn't consider Ketamine due to potential risky side effects, especially with other health issues. Plus Ketamine isn't always covered by insurance. Look into TMS. If you're in the US contact SuccessTMS or ask your doctor about a clinic that has it to find out more information. For me it was a lifesaver. Keep me posted on what you decide to do.

[fianoelle in reply to bethelbee]

Definitely going to look into that, thanks for the resource!

[bethelbee in reply to fianoelle]

You're welcome. Let me know what you decide to do.

[fianoelle in reply to bethelbee]

Can do, will do

[car103]

Skip the "Everyone expects ..." Your struggle is real and not on someone's timeline. Perhaps that criticism is their way of hoping you'll feel better without understanding the process?

[fauxartist]

No... it's not your fault...

[AlexFlorida]

Hello fianoelle. I know exactly what your talking about!

“ I feel like I try and try and try and don’t make any forward progress. Everybody expects me to be doing better cause of all the treatment”

I’m right with you! It definitely is a struggle! Don’t feel alone. I hope all those who are also struggling and both you & I find a way to get better asap!

[Midori]

No two folk are alike in their responses to meds/treatments. I feel you may be expecting too much of yourself at the moment. These things take time, and there isn't an end date, unfortunately.

You will have up and down times, but as you progress, you will start to find things slowly changing for the better. You can teach yourself by observation what things, events. people, etc, trigger you, and as far as possible, avoid them. I hate crowds of people, for instance.

Too many folk will tell you to 'snap out of it' or 'You should be over it by now'. Take no notice of them, they cannot help you. Ultimately you will find that you will feel better, but with odd 'Down' days, We all have them.

For me a lot of it's weather related. When it's cold, wet and miserable outside, so am I! On a sunny day, I feel much better.

Hope this helps a little.

Cheers, Midori

[lovetodance2018]

Thanks for sharing. Don't blame yourself for your depression. Depression is a chemcial imbalance, it is a real disease and it takes the right help to feel beter. Are you on medicaiton as well? It takes the combination of both to feel better. The medication helps balance the chemicals, then it takes working on awareness of yourself, how you react to situations, how you think about yourself to get better. I struggled with trying to be a perfectionist, make everyone around me happy. I cared more about others and their needs above my own. I had to learn to take care of my needs first, then I can help others. I have four things that have helped my thought process and feeling better.

1) Healing comes from the inside out. It starts with letting go of the things of the past, forgiving and changing our focus and behavior. Becoming aware of what you need through self-care and personal nourishment. Take time for yourself - you are worth it. Like taking walks, baths, massages, mani/pedi/, listening to uplifting music/sermons and anything that makes you feel refreshed and renewed.

2) The 557 breathing technique is take 5 deep breaths in while thinking good thoughts about yourself like I matter, I am special, I am strong and then hold the breaths for the count of 7 focusing on those words about yourself, then let out the breath slowly for 5 seconds letting go of any anxious, self-defeating, unhealthy thoughts. I do this one to three times a sitting.

3)The gratitude journal is writing down something good every morning and night something that went well in the day, or something I appreciate about myself. Taking our focus off of the anxiety and depression and focusing on positive uplifting things really helps. What you think is what you believe. So thinking uplifting things you believe those things but the reverse is true - thinking negative self-defeating things, you will believe those.

4) Emotional Freedom Tapping - bit.ly/3AVYNiX You use pressure points to tap on those points while you repeat positive uplifting things to yourself.)

I will be praying for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to chat. Hugs and God Bless

[lovetodance2018]

How are doing this week? I have been praying for you. Hugs