Intrusive thoughts TW

[Kevin160]

I have been struggling a bit extra with intrusive thoughts, im not sure if its due to increased stress from my brother’s mental instability, no one really knows if hes doing it for attention, but for years hes been causing alot of damage to my family and now, after 5 years abroad. he moved back home so we can “take care of him” and i think its making my mental health deteriorate because of how triggering his state is to me, regardless of whether it is fake or not, if you knew him you would see how toxic and manipulative he is.

I had violent ocd intrusive thoughts of losing control and actually hurting myself, eventhough i dont want to, i dont believe i am suicidal as i dont want to die, but i also feel like i dont mind dying as long as its not due to my actions, i think the increased fear of doing it is a sign that i dont want to die, which i dont, i still have alot to look forward to, but i just have this overwhelming fear of forgetting all the ways i can manage this, and forgetting that i cant do this to my friends and family, and actually go for it, which i know is silly because im not crazy and i do have total control over my actions, but ocd intrusive thoughts are really annoying and since my brother’s return it has been awful and i feel horrible and i am not sure how to fix it.

I thought i overcome it since my last therapy appointment where my dr assured me that these are just thoughts that everyone has based on the concept that we have complete control and can do literally anything, but we will not lose control, but somehow this month i have been struggling so much to feel ok, and i feel like i cant retrieve all the progress i made since 2020.

I still havent started medication because i dont want it to interfere with my finals this week, but should i start zoloft, should i be worried, or should i let my guard down, i feel like i have to be on edge and careful all day.

I guess what im asking is, just because i have these fears of harming myself in a specific way, and petrified i might actually do it, is it normal, do other people think about these thoughts, keeping in mind they dont want to do them, but just this power is too strong that drives me to thinking i might actually go for it,

[newbie1956]

Hi Kevin,

Sorry the trigger seems to be your brother & it makes you sad.

Fact is you've had other triggers in the past. So this isn't new.

A new therapist would likely agree. Even if a diagnosis has been made

and "treatment" has begun, it's likely that OCD will present continual

new challenges. It's just the way those who suffer with OCD "think".

As you know, Kevin, you can't "reason" with such intrusive thoughts.

You're in a constant need of reassurance.

Since this is controlling your life, I believe Zoloft can help. It's helped

many with OCD. Keeping a journal helps. Prayer also helps. Trust me.

You'll be okay Kevin!

Agape, friend