How do you know when it's time to leave a relationship?

[FlowerGirl_24]

Hi all,

I have been wondering the last several months whether it's time for me to leave my relationship. We have been together for about 7 years now. He has a 14 year old daughter. We have big changes coming in the next few months and I feel like I'm on the precipice for a big decision. Our lease on our apartment is up in October and we plan on moving in with his mom (his dad passed late last year).

I have been unhappy for a long time and I feel emotionally and physically distant from my partner. We tend to argue often about small things and then it turns into big things and I tend to be depressed for several days after. I sometimes wonder if the things he says during arguments are truth or if he is gaslighting me or if I'm just going crazy. Basically, most arguments turn into him telling me what I am doing wrong with him accepting the blame/responsibility for an issue rarely.

I feel a lot of guilt when he asks me why I am in this relationship or if I love him and I either don't know what to say or say something vague because I don't feel love in that moment. In fact, I don't know if I feel love most of the time. Don't get me wrong, I have felt love for him and I would be very sad if he wasn't in my life, but I don't know that I am in love with him the same way I was when we first started dating.

He has said many times that if I'm unhappy, I can leave without judgement from him. The problem is, I don't believe him and I would feel a tremendous amount of guilt for leaving the relationship with his daughter (even though we struggle to get along a lot of the time). I do love them and I try my best to show it but I don't feel that love back which makes it hard to keep giving.

So, finally to the original question. When do you know it's time to leave a relationship. I wonder if I can eventually lead a happy life on my own but I'm so afraid that I won't be able to. I'm really afraid that I'll fail and eventually end it or I won't have any friends left or that I won't find love romantically or otherwise. I'm still in this relationship hoping that it will get better one day. That one day I might be worthy enough for him to want to marry me or accept me. How do you know when or if you should leave?

Any advice is helpful. Thanks.

[Nothing_but_books]

heysigmund.com/toxic-relati...

[Louie35]

Have you tried couples counseling? Maybe that would help

[FlowerGirl_24 in reply to Louie35]

I have asked for it, but he doesn't agree with the idea of counseling. And he has said that I need to fix my own stuff before we can fix our stuff. It's pretty frustrating.

[Louie35 in reply to FlowerGirl_24]

Maybe an ultimatum, lay all your cards on the table

[momander]

Hi FlowerGirl_24

Your post sounds as if you already know what you want to do? making that final decision is so hard though. When to leave is unique to you , and no one else can really say when the right time is!! The right time will be when you know in your heart and soul that this is not enough for you! It is not making you happy, and you have given everything you can and can give no more!!! You don't mention whether you have tried couples counselling? some people don't want to have counselling , but you could still go yourself!! It just may help you understand some of your feelings and emotions? I really do wish you all the best of luck

[Greensparkles]

^ I agree 100% with momander. This is ultimately your decision and it sounds like you're leaning toward one already with what you stated. I went through something similarly - it's even harder when they've been there for you but are just not anymore and it's ok to notice that. Counseling would be a good step and if he doesn't want to do it then you make the decision based on that and what you feel. You are important in this relationship, just as much as he is. Don't forget that.