5 months and no relief

[Jrp1978]

I have no idea what to really say . I have severe anxiety with depression from losing someone recently and years ago . I don't like to bother people but I can't hide the pain anymore . No meds have help Therapy seems to push my anxiety higher . I often think death is really the only option but I struggle threw another day and cry myself to sleep. Never felt this way or thought I could or would but I feel for people who suffer with this as it's been the most horrible thing I have ever went threw . You try so many things . Meds Therapy talking to friends and at night it creeps up on you like a horror film and no one is there and I keep thinking after 5 months this is my life . I done nothing much lately beside research pills and suicide I don't talk about it to anyone or cry wolf to anyone I am just so tired inside and feel nothing is working . Setting here now in tears and asking myself why I even bother typing this but I imagine how restful it would be a day without this.

[Louie35]

Im sorry you're going through this. Losing loved ones is one of the worst things about life. If therapy is pushing your anxiety higher you need a different therapist! If things are this bad maybe try a hotline, reach out to whomever you can, you should not be taking this on alone! Don't give up!!!

[Whiskey_1]

I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I have also been suffering with severe anxiety and depression for the past 4 months. I've always been a worrier but my anxiety has become intolerable lately. This anxiety I feel is a constant torture. I'm trying new meds and if these don't provide some relief then I hope the next thing I try will. Something has to help eventually. It could take weeks, months or years. I just need to keep going. None of us knows what's around the corner so I keep hoping that the next day may be the one when things start to get a little better. I also keep repeating to myself not to take anything too seriously in life because none of us will get out of it alive anyways. I just try to keep a glimmer of hope alive and take it an hour at a time.

[Bentleybexley39]

What you’re going through is hard. It hurts. Don’t want to be a burden but desperate to have someone to open up to without feeling guilty. I cried so much I was emotionally drained and just became numb to everything and everyone. Oddly enough when I just shut down that’s when things improved. I shut out everything and just felt the pain and mentally said I don’t give a f*#* to everyone. I just took it minute by minute noticed myself slowing down. Sure to everyone else it looked like I was messed up which was true, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get through another minute. Eventually with enough time, the depth of the depression will soften, but for me at least it never goes away. When the depression doesn’t overthrow me, the anxiety steps in to do the job. It’s a horrible battle to just find peace. Idk if peace is even really attainable. My humble advice is to cry. To drop to your knees from lack of strength and breathe (not that breathing technique stuff). Surrender to the feeling, pull yourself up and find a mirror. Look at you feeling the hurt. Look at the physical reflection of yourself. Just look. No expectations, no thoughts, just look. When in that much pain, ppl forget who they are or what the used to be. I’ll never be the person I once was, and that stings badly. But when I’m in the dark hole of grief I sit in front of a mirror and let it out. Also, if you’re lucky enough to have some people close to you, a hard hug helps. Please don’t hurt yourself. If you haven’t heard it recently; you matter. Your feelings matter. Your life matters. Take it minute by minute. I support you, we are all on this site looking to connect and have people listen. We hear you, I hear you.

[Ryanlion]

Remember its only been 5 months since your loss , i am in the same position. Depressed & @anxious then my mother died. Next came my dog and next again another dog. I cry every day. Loss is huge especially when you are depressed. I am trying different meds and on traquilisers to keep going because the pain is the worst ive felt in my life. Please work with your doctor or a different therapist. The grief your feeling is normal. I go to a bereavment group to help. You will meet others in the same position. And remember the evening and night time is the worst. Do you live with someone, company helps, perhaps they will stay with you for a while. This will pass one day but for now its a slow haul back to happiness. I use coherence healing, faster EFT on you tube, meds( even if they give a little help). Bach flower remedies and prayer. Trust me you can get through this if your determined. Forget suicide, it crossed my mind but i devided to fight my way back instead. Its beginning to work slowly. Please hang on in there. I know its a humungous trial, i wnat my old life back but it can never be. But when i get better i will find a new one. Remember all the crying you are doing is actually healing you day by day. I must have cried a small ocean so you are not alone.

[Louie35]

Maybe try doing the therapy online instead of in person, or over the phone, that might make it less overwhelming and intense...just an idea, wish you the best

[Suzeeb77]

I am so sorry that you are going through this. At least in this group you know you are in good company. Is it possible for you to get a cat or a dog? Anxiety seems to be way more prevalent lately, and especially high rates of it in adolescence and young adults. I suffer like you do. Something that I found helped was volunteering and helping others. I do wildlife rescue, wildlife rehabilitation, and dog rescue. My dog is also a therapy dog and so I take her to visit others that are feeling like I do. Focussing on other things and people is really one of the only things that really makes a difference for me. Something else that helped was getting the book or audiobook is what I actually have called the untethered soul. It taught me that I was creating my own suffering, and that I don’t have to suffer. That really was profound for me because I have suffered almost all of my life. I will say a prayer for you, please keep reaching out to this site. There are a lot of people that want to help. Here is a picture of my dog having a bad hair day. I hope it puts a smile on your face.

Bad hair day

[Agora1]

Jrp1978, You did the right thing in reaching out to us. I just saw your post tonight, I'm sorry.This forum is not about bothering people but knowing that people on this site understand

your pain. Meds may not help because you are grieving from your losses. It's a healing

that must take place from within you when you are ready.

Death is not the answer to your pain. If we give up, we miss the opportunity in what

life may have in it's plans for us. Are you working with a grief counselor? Working through

the steps of loss is a slow process that can help.

Know that life throws miracles at us when we least expect it. Believe in that..

Use YouTube right now to find Affirmation Meditation. It helps reset the negativity of

your mind. You are wonderful. You are here for a reason. Believe in that the reason will

be met. I'm happy that you found a safe place to come. Let us help you see this journey

through. We care xx