New member anxious about aging alone

Hi all. Have had GAD for many years. Also health anxiety with a big dose of germaphobia thrown in. In therapy, currently CBT and on medication. Single female with few family members; have friends but most are partnered. Ruminating on getting older, maybe needing help and feeling no one will be there for me. On top of that I am an introvert and like my alone time...sometimes too much. Can anyone relate and suggest ways to be alone while not worrying about being alone. My interests are a good distraction but they are isolating: making art and reading. Thank you!

[Hidden]

Hi Navelgazer. The first thing I can say, with certainty, is that you are not alone. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I was on medication for many years due to GAD, but ended up weaning myself off due to feeling the side effects of the meds were worse than the anxiety itself. I still have the anxiety, debilitating at times, but typically manage it fairly well. I am, of course, highly introverted as well. So, I can definitely relate.

If you are alone, but worrying about being alone, it sounds like you may be looking for a balance that you just don’t currently have. That could mean many things, such as staying as busy as possible, journaling your feelings, maybe seeking a partner who understands you and respects your space, joining a support group and putting yourself out there, picking up new hobbies, etc… I know all of this is way easier to type than to actually do, but I feel the only way we will ever overcome our phobias are to try our best to face them head on. Lastly, we must learn to love ourselves and then all else will fall into place. I firmly believe this and try hard every day to achieve this. It isn’t easy, but progress is made every day.

Joining this group and putting yourself out there is a great first step and I commend you for doing so. Be well!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Lemske. I have tried everything you mentioned except the support group and so here I am now! Not to say the other things don't work; somedays yes, somedays no. I realize it takes a lifetime of effort, something I didn't think it would. I thought take the meds, see the therapist and one day everything will come up roses. Surprise. Now that I've gotten 2 replies I think maybe the real depressing thing was that nobody "got me" . Yours' is the second chat I've had today. I think maybe I've finally found my people. Take care.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Most welcome, navelgazer. I can definitely relate to the feeling of nobody ‘getting me’. It has been a struggle my entire life. I only joined this group a couple days ago and it has already helped tremendously, it also took all of my inner strength and courage to do so. Before joining, I would never even consider posting on any type of public media for fear of scrutiny. Yet, I feel very comfortable here as we are with like-minded individuals who understand and can empathize with our plight. Sometimes, that in and of itself, is the kick we need to take the next step in bettering ourselves, right!

Not everything is going to work all the time. Sometimes nothing may work and we need to accept we will have days we are just miserable and that is that. We accept it and we move on. We just must promise ourselves never to give up. We are worth the effort. We are good people and we deserve the best!

I’m glad you took the step to join and are making progress. Here for you if you need anything at all.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Well said, my friend, well said!

[AnxiousSilver]

F&F - Welcome!

Second - This is a positive and supportive community filled with mostly good people

Third - I too suffer from Severe GAD which I have had for over 20 years.

Forth - I come from a family that understands physical pain, but not mental pain.

& Finally - Since my support group was put on hold due to the pandemic, I was looking for other ways to connect and relate to others.

This is the best online community that I have found for that, and I am grateful for this place and the people here.

[Hidden in reply to AnxiousSilver]

Thank you AnxiousSilver. Nice to "meet" you.

[elaine2447]

You are certainly not alone, I literally have waves of panic come over me about old age and worry about ghastly nursing homes, having experienced terrible places with my mother who actually caused her demise. I worry about all the stuff in the house, old things that I have acquired and antiques that my husband collected. The worst part is being so unhealthy, ie, fractured spine from osteoporosis and now I have acquired nerve damage due, the consultant feels as i do, the covid vax so it is painful to walk. I have been widowed for 37 years almost when my daughter was weeks from her fourth birthday. I have always been very active renovating the house we lived in and the house I am in now. I had an accident with my finger two years ago and lost a piece so my DIY jobs are well and truly over. I hardly ever see anyone apart from the Amazon delivery man and a very good girl who sometimes does some shopping for me. I hardly ever see my daughter and little grandson now and its as if I don't exist. I admire you for at least going to therapy, I wouldn't even be able to face that. I do purchase benzos at an extortionate cost and allow myself two a week. I am also a germ freak. If I go into a supermarket I still wear a mask and wipe everything down when I get home. I have started listening to the radio again which is company and yesterday took delivery of an Alexa which is quite incredible and so I can choose which songs I want to listen to as on classic FM I invariably ended up in tears when something came on to remind me of my deceased parents. My dear old dad only died 6 years ago and almost 100 and I sincerely hope I do not go on for that length of time. It sounds like you are getting a handle on it if you paint and read. I am useless at art and reading just upsets my neck even further.

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Thank you for writing. I am so sorry to hear all of that. You sound very self aware and communicative and I wonder why going to therapy is hard to do. Do you not want to leave the house?You might be able to do tele therapy. There are a lot of places since covid that do it and they are covered by insurance. Not being able to do the hobbies you like due to accidents has to be really hard too. Are there interests related to renovation that might appeal to you? Magazines or DIY shows, just to distract you from the daily stuff. As far as the reading how about audiobooks? More to say if you want to get back to me.

[Hidden]

Thanks for writing. Well, deep down it is fear of abandonment but for no real reason. Relatively happy childhood, always had friends, was married to college sweetheart but that lasted 1-1/2 years. Always felt a bit like an outsider trying to fit into a normal (read conventional) world and I've looked for men who fit that bill. However, for different reasons those relationships never work out (not necessarily because of my anxiety issues) Now I'm 65 and the pool has shrunk and I feel like I lost my last chance at love when I ended a two year long distance relationship last month. But at the same time 'Im independent and don't just want someone to be there to take care of me. Oy! That was a mouthful. Thanks for reading.

[Hidden]

Here is my idea. Find your polar opposite here! Maybe an outgoing, carefree man. Follow his lead. Let go & ‘freewheel’ a bit. What’s to lose?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks! But what about you? What are you doing to get out of the rabbit hole we all seem to be in. What answers are you looking for? Do know or do the things you need to do to age well. Best wishes!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I try to follow the advice I give & receive. Do the best I can in the moment. Then I give myself a break. I’m just a man, flawed & with a mental illness. Works well at times but, when I’m in the throes of sickness I suffer terribly! That’s why I’m here.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I hear you. When all is good, all is good. When it's not, it's a nightmare. Onward march!

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Yes!

[Against_the_current]

If you feel good alone, stick alone. I know i will die alone, i just wish i felt good by myself. Don't compared your journey to others. You're unique

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

Thank you for your uplifting note. I don't know alot about social anxiety but you do sound very self-aware and maybe you can use your awareness to move forward in therapy. I know its so hard, especially when we are dealing with others but as the Buddhists say (not exactly in these words) you never step into the same river twice. To me that means everyday is a new day to start over. Good luck to you.