I’m curious, as far as what’s the longest amount of time have any of you my fellow agoraphobics gone without any other human contact, face-to-face that is, excluding online human contact?
i’ve started writing a book, it’s gonna be my first actual fully written book, and I’m going to self publish on Amazon. I think I’m gonna call it “the agoraphobic‘s handbook”. I’ve stumbled onto some very interesting, mysterious even, truths in my solitude that I think can be of benefit to others, especially those who spend a great deal of time alone.
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Strugglin
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A week or more. Sometimes I’m not conscious that so much time has passed that I haven’t had any human contact. I was given good advice a long time ago to make two days my limit of isolation. Even if I just go to the corner store for a few moments. My home is as safe as an environment I can get, but it’s also the place where I dwell in my crap. My own home is my trigger. When I have no choice but to commit to a situation that requires my presence outside of my home, it can temporarily lift my spirits. Not always because it can be too painful emotionally as well. But my feel good ends when I’m back at home. I don’t want to leave my safe environment, but it isn’t really safe either. Luckily as I’ve aged, my fear of the outside has eased off somewhat. I’ve read that can happen when one ages. Chalk one up for aging.
Much love to BOTH of you for SHARING deeply personal and "stigmatizing" "lived experiences". In the interest of Full Transparency, I'm going to share bits and pieces of my book as I write it. This is the first page. ---
So you’re here. You found me. Which means you’re looking for answers. Why am I this way? Well it’s not just you. Why are we this way? That’s a better question to ask right there. It signifies that you’re not alone, because you’re certainly not. What makes us fear “public spaces”? I hear terms like “empath“ and “introvert“ tossed around constantly, sometimes it seems as if 90% or more of people identify in one way or another with one of those two labels. But for some reason, even though “agoraphobic” essentially means the same thing as both of those two labels combined, nobody wants to wear that crown of thorns. Nope, “empath” sounds much more woo Woo, and even “introvert“ doesn’t have the same stigma attached that “agoraphobic“ does. You’ll find plenty of Memes out there touting Empaths as spiritual warriors and as kind, compassionate nurturers. And you’ll hear plenty of introverts laughing about how they’ve “done too much peopling” today and they’re drained. But I have to tell you, based on my own personal experience with agoraphobia, I truly believe that we agoraphobics are the real spiritual warriors. A “warrior” doesn’t need to be surrounded by a crowd. Warriors don’t need praise or recognition. Warriors quietly do what warriors quietly do, alone, away from the spotlight. We’re not big on self aggrandizement. Many times the only reason we crave the company of others, is because we’re told that “human connection“ is a basic fundamental need. I’m starting to question whether or not that’s not only untrue but also whether it’s possibly A 100% inversion of reality. I started to realize that every single person in my life was a negative force, shaming me, blaming me, accusing me of not living up to whatever bullshit expectations that they were projecting onto me. Every single person in my entire family, my blood family, even my spiritual family, and my former coworker family, every family, gets a failing grade from me. And that’s a very terrifying thing to face, the stark reality that every single person in one’s life is absolutely toxic. We don’t want to admit these things to ourselves. In fact we’ll do anything we can to avoid having to face that truth and acknowledge that Truth, if that’s the truth for you, not saying it is, but if it was, could you admit that to yourself?
Also already kicking around some ideas for my Second book about "Control Freakism Disorder", something that should be included in DSM-5 since it most certainly IS a Prevailing Psycho Logical Disorder by any definition, What's more is in my guess timation, about 90% or more of the entire planet is "infected" with a "terminal" case of it. Not sure if it's even "treatable". One can only nhope. It may be that us "agoraphobics" are the Only ones who are "immune" to this "highly virulent" strain of "mind cancer" sweeping the globe. That's my "theory" anyway and I'm sticking to it.
Last one and I’ll stop for now, I promise. Wouldn’t want to be accused of “spamming myself “. LOL. My theory on the Re@son that “control freakism disorder“ is NOT listed in DSM-V is because the majority of “thVose” who WROTE DSM-<V>five are themSelves “highly infected“ with it.
Sidenote, i LOVE THIS SONG. At least it gives me a little hope
I had 3 months of agoraphobia but was fortunate to have 2 really close friends who stood by me and also a very understanding supervisor. I worked in healthcare and find it's easier when you're in the field. She actually cheered me on with each bit of progress I made. I wasn't able to drive during almost all of it but did manage somehow to take a cab to see my psychiatrist. Luckily with meds and therapy I was eventually able to return to work. That was about 32 years ago. It's got to be one of the worst feelings ever!!
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