Need friends, but my anxiety tells me no :(

[biglover]

Does anyone have any tips on social anxiety? I want to meet and talk to new people but I tend to overthink and my nerves get the best of me ... suggestions?

[ElephantsHear]

I’m sorry the social anxiety makes life tough. Sometimes in church I have to take a med my doctor gave me to deal with it (I go to a church where the pastor stops service so you can greet someone you didn’t come with. Maybe if you calls church and ask if there might be someone specific to greet you (maybe call u first to say hi). Do you think you’re afraid of being hurt or rejected. Sometimes I can’t leave my house, but I’m not quite sure why (depression is bad). What are you overthinking? Oh, people love to hear themselves talk (myself included) so you can start a conversation by asking someone how they are. We all get embarrassed sometimes if people aren’t receptive or we feel like a fish out of water. What are you overthinking?

[ElephantsHear in reply to ElephantsHear]

Sorry. I repeat a lot lol.

[Nanii]

How are your hobbies? Diving deeper in your hobbies or starting new ones might give boosts to it. You enjoy your time with yourself, which gives you positive feelings and makes you radiate. Depending on the hobby it could get social. There are clubs and events held for everything. So you can check sites like facebook or whatever social sites they use at where you live to find events for the things you like doing. Or even online circles. For example, bulletjournals are mostly made alone, or with friends, but there are whole online communities and sometimes events held to make bullet journals together with whoever loves it. This is just an example, I don't bulletjournal. Other things are more obvious like sports.

Maybe this along tips from others here might help you.

[kenster1]

socialising in smaller groups is always a great starting point.

[primrose81]

Wow! Don’t know whether to laugh or cry - this is so inspiring…..I wonder who I would like to see looking back at me in the bathroom tonight. A donkey perhaps( I love them) or the nobility and gentleness of a shaggy dog face( we had a beautiful dog who we lost over a year ago) or a giant panda or failing that I would like to see my sisters’ faces as they have always looked beautiful to me - they take after my mother and I take after my father. Who would you like to see looking back at you??

[Nanii in reply to primrose81]

This reaction is SUPER interesting. Really. I was abit confused at first, but randomly I got to read a very interesting perception. This is SUPER interesting actually and nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes you make mistakes or do something unintentionally, but what certain kinds of "incidental" connections can bring is phenomanal!

[primrose81]

Sorry, somehow this got posted on wrong thread, don’t know how that happened…meant it to go on about 3 posts ago which started “ Why waste time and energy thinking about the past and future when they don’t exist?” At least I think it was that one, getting thoroughly confused here… I have just turned 70 so I shall regard this as ( “a senior moment” lol.

[Isinatra in reply to primrose81]

Lol You’re not alone……I get posts mixed up, too. Sometimes it’s kind of fun. 😂

[ElephantsHear in reply to primrose81]

Well I enjoyed your message nonetheless. Getting older isn’t for wimps and I blame age on everything (I’m 50). Take care. Pandas are cute, but I hear they can be aggressive. Not sure. You love donkeys?

[primrose81 in reply to ElephantsHear]

Yes I adore donkeys - as a very young child we lived close to a horse/donkey sanctuary and I loved visiting it and the donkeys in particular…such gentle loving creatures with lovely furry faces to stroke

[Hollick]

Hi big, what are the triggers for YOUR social anxiety?..wondering if like me, appearance has anything to do with it? For many it does, have you heard of BDD, body dysmorphia, they tend to go hand in hand, just saying that's all...google it, it might put things into perspective...would luv to hear back from you, try to beat this, if not, it only gets worse, don't isolate, if you do that is, social anxiety does that as well? 🙏hope this helps???

[Isinatra]

Before I went to a social event, I would set a time limit of how long I would stay. If I found I was unexpectedly enjoying myself, I’d stay longer. I agree, keep the groups small for a while. Large groups, for me, triggered a flight or fight response. Mostly flight, though, and I’d want to bolt and run. And it felt so good to run.

[mvillarreal]

Hello, biglover ! My sympathy goes out to you, as social anxiety is a big pain in the butt and can lead to self-isolation and other issues over time. The good news is, there are ways to cope with it. One thing I find helpful when I am anxious is to reframe the negative thought that is going through my head. For example, say I walk past someone frowning, and I think they are frowning at me. I can reframe the thought by asking if it's realistic and, if it is, whether it is something under my control. So in this case I might say to myself, "Maybe they're not frowning at me. Maybe they're frowning because of something that has nothing to do with me. Even if they are frowning at me, that says more about them than it does about me, and I can't control what people are thinking about me, so why worry about it?" If you try reframing your thoughts on your own and it doesn't seem to help, it might be helpful to seek counseling, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy. If costs are an issue, see if there are any Sohliten-affiliated organizations near you, as they charge on a sliding-scale basis. Hope this helps!