My roommate made me cry. Terrible situation

[Against_the_current]

I don't even know why i wanted her to stay. She better go right now If possible. I went out to ask If she needs me to help her with cleaning and she said "You ask only when i start to clean, nobody of you cleans (my other roommate is out), you leave everything so dirty, you never clean, see this, see that". I just said i'm sorry, and i'm not doing it on purpose and i cleaned but it's just not enough and i don't see it. I just don't see it. In my home we all live in 1 room and have a rabbit. I really don't see If there's something not so clean but i don't do it on purpose. I'm sorry. Just my mind is focused on surviving. I don't feel this place like home. I just survive here. And i have been here for 2 weeks. I pay rent without even living here. Litterary their guess live here longer than me. And i don't feel safe anywhere but i want to go home now If i'm such a burden. I feel so ashamed. So embarassed. Really, i'm trying my best but it's too hard. And i'm sorry i was just afraid not to harm something while cleaning so that's why i waited for her to be here and didn't clean alone. I'm so scared wherever i live.

I haven't cried for a while, i was so numb, but this situation made me. You know how hard it is to clean when you're suffering mentally. I feel so ashamed. I want to get out of here. I don't know where i'll live. Why am i like that?

My mom will be right i got home after 2 weeks. But i can't leave right now so the talk will be a bit gone.

It's probably my fault. But i didn't clean because i didn't want to damage something because she scolds me for everything. And i clean after myself, i do, but it's just not good enough. And i wasn't even noticing that. I'm not that dirty or lazy, i just didn't notice it needed more cleaning. But i will be more careful. Just my head is full. But it's not an excuse. I was trying to not bother them but i failled.

Why did i went out to ask If she needs help? I could have just stayed in my room. Now i want to go home, i'm so embarassed. I'm a baby, i know. Don't say it, she already did. I really don't want to harm anyone, i'm just living in my head, not on Earth. And i didn't want to harm anything. But i don't think i can talk to her right now.

I don't even know where i will live. I'm such a creature that can't live with anyone. I'm so scared. I'm scared to even go to the toilet. She is out. And might scold me for the way i push the water or something.

[Blueruth]

Here are some ideas apartmenttherapy.com/equal-...

You could also offer to pay a bit more of the rent because your roommate is doing more cleaning. It wouldn't be a good deal unless you also agree to help in an agreeable capacity. I suspect it will always be uneven because as you said... you don't see it.

Don't go home. This is part of learning how to live in the real world.

[Against_the_current in reply to Blueruth]

Yeah, i better not go back. I'm trying to get to know what to do. I also thought of this. And now they're having a party and i felt so awkward that i said I have to study and will study in my room. It would really be good to study tho but i can't right now, i just couldn't bear the awkwardness of staying there