Comparing with others

[iwishforsunshine]

Why I always like to compare myself with other?Am I setting too high standards for myself or I feel not secure enough? I could compare anything with others even with the person I don't quite know?

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome! 1. I think you just answered your own question and 2. I think both your answers are correct. You set high standards for yourself and you don't feel secure enough.

[iwishforsunshine in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply! Do you know how to get rid of this ‘comparing mind’？

[Hidden in reply to iwishforsunshine]

You're welcome. Good question! I'm working on feeling more secure with myself first. Once I get better at that, I'm hoping the other will naturally get better. It take practice. One of the things I try and think about: others probably don’t set punishingly high standards for themselves, so why should I? Others are only human; am I telling myself, by being way too hard on myself, that I'm not just as human? I can accept their humanness but I can't accept my own?

I think it also comes down to self-respect. The respect I have for myself is very low (and is actually non-existent in some areas of my life). In certain areas I feel like I don't deserve to respect myself. In this case, I can ask myself why I am undeserving. I can ask myself what I did to not deserve it.

I've been told that I have a gift for making others feel good about themselves. The problem is, though, that I have an extremely hard time transferring those "feel good" statements to myself. I know I'm not alone in having a near-impossible time of doing this. In that case, I can ask myself why others deserve kind words when I don't.

My dad recently told me that he thinks the word "deserve" should be expunged from our vocabulary.

I hope this helps😊 Writing this actually helps me too, so thank you!

[iwishforsunshine in reply to Hidden]

I think those are some very good method, thank you! We all deserve kindness, especially ourselves.

[Hidden in reply to iwishforsunshine]

You're welcome😀 I wonder why it's so hard to show kindness to the number one person in our lives -- us? I hate being my own worst critic!Have a great day!