It's so hard. 2am worries. Why is it happening?

[Against_the_current]

I just checked and i got declined for a schoolarship. Something with my documents wasn't okay. I will go to talk with the university inspector and i hope she could help. I don't work and i have high marks and this is the only way i can have saving If something goes wrong. And it would be a shame, getting high marks while struggling and not getting schoolarship, my grandparents would be upset. It's a pity. Why is it happening? Also just found out my roommate that takes care of bills, rent and so and was the first roommate i ever got in my life time is planning on moving out. And didn't even tell me, i found it out from something my other roommate was talking about. And If she moves out we will get a completely new person to live with us and have to take care of ourselves. I feel so bad for feeling bad about her in the past, she's the first no-family person i live with. When i was first year, before all this madness, the only time and last time i was feeling good, she was living with me. And i'm scared time is passing and i'm just getting worse. I'm stuck in my trauma. I'm stuck in 2020. I'm wasting my life, my best years. I will finish university and what will i do. I get triggered even in class. I feel like i'm going backwards in time. My life is slipping through my fingers. And the world is a mess and i have this bad luck. I can't get my head above water - 100 things will hit me. I'm going to the psychiatrist next Monday and i'm scared. Psychologists and psychiatrists here aren't quite good. And the rest are actually worse, this one is a bit more adequate but still. I'm worried i can't take an adjucement in meds. My head is spinning. I need a chance to breathe without problems avalanching on me.

[FluidMind]

I feel for you. I have also gone through stages in life where everything, literally everything, is going wrong. For example now, where I have failed a medical board exam. The thing is that unplanned events will happen, at some point, in some kind of way. For you and I, we have seen them come all together, which is not fair, but also not under our control. I see you asking the typical question: Why? For me, time has been the best answer. Give it time, do what you can do in the moment. Every small step will add up, I promise. You can write down a list of your worries and categorize them as: under/not under my control, which is sort of a mindfulness perspective. For example, you have no responsibility regarding your roommate leaving. If you think you do, that would be an unkind and unrealistic thought towards yourself. Then I write down my problems and identify those in which I have some kind of authority, I draw different paths I could take towards solving it and reflect upon them. Finally, I have seen that filling a gratitude journal, even on my worst days, allows me to see that there is always, always, always, at least 1 thing going right in our lives. aka: it could always, always, always be worst. And, no doubt, it could always, always, always be better, but for that, patience is our best companion. I hope your scholarship gets approved, that you get an easy going roommate and that you find hidden treasures in your current life. Best wishes!

[Against_the_current in reply to FluidMind]

Thank you for the advice and wishes! To you too