So i move out. Tbh for now it's better because i'm not getting triggered by mom and sis and transferring emotions. But my roommate said there are people there because they were having a party. Meanwhile i found out these People have been living there for a while. Even i lived with them for like 2 days. It wasn't a party, they were living here, rent free. And i said "who's gonna pay the bills". They are showering and using electricity and all. Like okay, i won't mess up with rent because my room is only for me, but the bills. I will be here for 5 days of this month and i would have to pay them. Meanwhile i was in my room and i heard my roommate and these People mocking me, she was like "bye, it was fun to have you, will you pay the bills haha". I said it and she's mocking me instead of being ashamed or realising my borders are violated. Probably If i speak up again i will be violated again like "we didn't ask you for bills while you weren't here and you ate with us and you're so mean towards our guess, i wasn't here either but i'm paying, i'm working myself off to pay and you're doing nothing, your dad pays it and you just hate on him". But i have a budget, my dad isn't giving me money just like that, and If i spend the budget i have to go home. And i can't. My brain is messed up. My roommate talks so loud, i hear her through the walls. I even woke up from her talking loud. Well extroverts be like that. And i was having nightmares of mom and then she woke me up and my head hurts. And the other one would say "i'm not here neither but i pay". Basically i don't even know who's here anymore. I have 2 mates and 1 is here, the other one is also here but sometimes goes to her dad for a day, and there were 3 to 6 other people here these days. I have social anxiety and i still said it's okay but they're never gonna understand, you here will be like "yes, they violated your rights" but they won't understand. How Come everyone violated my rights? And i don't even have a chance to defend myself. Even NATO couldn't defend me.
From one madhouse to another. Nobody ... - Anxiety and Depre...
From one madhouse to another. Nobody respects me and nobody can understand this
Maybe you can talk to your landlord about this.. I don't think they would want people staying rent free.
They would never forgive me such thing. It would make a big scandal
Well first of all you can't expect everybody to bow down to your wishes and think they are violating you - they aren't. You are laying the law down and expecting everyone to accommodate you and are angry because they won't. It's not their job or obligation to 'understand' you either. They are just living their lives the way they want and they have a perfect right to do this.
Also the major part of living and working with others is to learn to compromise and not make waves. Pick your battles because at the moment you are making everything one which won't go down well (as you are finding out) with your roommates. All it will get you is mocked and disliked.
The issue you need to be concentrating on is the matter of bills. Just make it clear in a nice way that you won't be paying the bills for others to live there rent free and try and get an agreement with the others.
You can of course complain to the landlord about others living there when they shouldn't be but this would make you very unpopular and they would probably dislike you for it.
Life isn't fair but we all need to learn to rub along together and make compromises with each other. Oh and if your roommate is too noisy then buy some earplugs.
I'm compromising all the time
That's obvious to me too. It's unfortunate that many young people prefer partying over peace. I think there are some who need quiet though like yourself. I need that too. Unfortunately the culture is alot different to what we hope for. I really hope you manage to find peace somehow even if its going out to have your own space in nearby parks or coffee shops. I find that taking a diary and writing out my feelings helps settle my mind. I understand what you mean about how it may not get the results you like going to the landlord. Maybe it is just too much to expect everyone to adjust (although it is very clear you are well within your rights to complain if you wish). Realistically though, it is a culture that is difficult to change. For me personally, I would look for another place with more mature students who are more serious about studying. I know there are more peaceful homes that exist. Either way, please remember to go out and take some time just for yourself.
How? Without complaining to others?
How would you feel if a bunch of people were partying in your house rent free? I think it would drive anyone crazy. Real Me didn't expect this when they went to this new place. Most people wouldn't. Sadly, for many people unwelcome and persistent loud noise can very much feel like a violation. This is why there are often Environmental Health Laws that limit noise and forward punishments for those who break the laws. In this way excessive noise is noted as being a violation.
It's not his house which is the difference. He shares the house equally therefore he cannot lay down his rules. Compromise is the way to live with others like this and I am sorry if you disagree.
I do agree though that he needs to seek out different roommates who want a quieter life. It is clearly the wrong place for RealMe to live. But making waves while he is there is not going to get him anything except disliked.
By law in this country we live in (England) a person's property can be seized if there is excessive noise caused that disturbs another. Granted, it may not result in the best outcome regarding neighbourly relations to pursue this course. My point is though that no one equal is laying the law down for another in this regard. It IS the law as it is understood that excessive noise can be damaging to people. If a similar law structure is in place for RealMe then they are well within their rights to pursue it. For someone to seek the correct authorities over noise issues wouldnt be them 'laying the law down' as you put it no more than if someone chose to defend their rights if someone abused them physically from their own household. The principles of fair and just treatment apply to members within the same household just as much as it would apply to those of separate households. However, I take your point that there may need to be some realism here as pursuing this course may or may not get the right result. Imbedded cultures are very difficult to change no matter how damaging they may be to others.
I guess I am stressing this as I don't think everyone understands how noise can be debilitating to some. It is incredibly hard if not impossible to function, concentrate, plan things, and study to name but a few things. It can be literally paralysing. Therefore, to have less noise isn't an additional comfort or want for some. It isn't something all people CAN compromise on. It is a basic need to carry on living properly, which is I presume why the laws I mentioned earlier are in place.Yes, I agree that if it can be compromised on that's great and I would recommend that too. But to some to recommend just tolerating excessive noise is like saying to them if they were in pain from a broken limb they have to suck it up and carry on without treatment. It is SO hard to function for some who feel violated by noise. I understand that maybe going to a landlord may not resolve it. But my point is that if excessive noise is that damaging to RealMe (as it would be with me) then it is not as simple as compromising. If a change can be made for the better, rather than just compromising which may well be damaging in itself, then that is a good thing.
You think being more of a doormat is OK, seriously?!
Report to your Landlord, the situation may not only be dangerous, also against the Law, All sound like theft to me. They are stealing from you discuss with Police
BOB
To be honest just on the basis of people staying andshowering etc it is just bang out of order if its on a regular basis without contributing anything.. Anyone should know that. I would recommend staying for a while if you find its better than home and seeing how often they stay (after all, you have only stayed for a couple of days so you don't know how often they stay). If it's a persistent thing then I don't see any issue with talking to them. I reckon others may be greatful for you speaking up too as maybe others don't like it either.Also, I wouldnt be scared of going to the landlord if this is the case. The visitors know this is wrong. Don't jump the gun though, just wait and see as they may have just had a sleepover and be living somewhere else.
This is very different to the noise issue as it would be taking money from you as you have to pay the bills. Just be patient though and give it a little time until you know the full facts.
Yeah, That's what im doing. Litterary i'm at at too bad state of mind to do whatever
I'm really sorry you are in a bad state. Please take some time to do things just for you, even if it's a nice peaceful walk or nice soothing music.
Thank you, for real such things keep me
Whether the other people are contributing financially or not, the place is being sublet and the person who is renting from the landlord and responsible for paying the rent to him could be breaking a contract. There is always the threat of going to see the landlord that you could use to get some space/peace.
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