Adventures of a psychology student : Some insights about confidence

[Against_the_current]

I was having a class, a really long class, on a choosable subject, and we had a case we had to solve. Our teacher, she has a book of cases and gives us random. And we wouldn't be free untill we well i won't say solve it because psychotherapy is a long work but finish her tasks. Meanwhile the rest of my class who was signed to the other choosable subject was free and they didn't know we're busy so one of them sent me a reel telling me it looks like me. I was like "damn, does it" and i realized how distorbted my self-esteem is. It's really weird. And then i remembered how my family would drag it down. My granma brought me a bloise to "hide me" and i actually looked worse in it than in clothes she wouldn't even allow me to wear because i'm not good enough and other deprivating adjectives. Then i thought "damn, this case, the client's problem isn't what we thought, That's a secondary sympthom, the case is social anxiety and this social anxiety is caused by the client's family". And when i talked i paniced so much. I thought "oh i'm making a fool out of myself, i'm not good enough for talking" but apparently the teacher was glad i'm trying and i'm thinking and working. Then she said the client doesn't have a sence of achievemt and feels like a dissapointment because of his family. They never praised the small steps, the effort. Nor did my family. And i felt so anxious participating in class, while in reality this is how we learn. It's an effort, it's a small step, it's experience. And it all matters. This is how we learn. Because yeah there are several therapy methoods and all kind of psychological bs i'm burried in but that's not like medicine. You can't disect the human soul and see what is going on. You try and try. And f them methoods and bs, what matters is your own insights. The ahaa moment with the light bulb above your head 💡

P. S. Yeah, the family made our self-esteem. It's not our fault. But we can realise it and choose to listen to ourselves not to the inner critics voices (of our perception of family members) in our heads. Beating ourselves (for the mistakes of others) won't help us. Release what doesn't serve you. And rock your outfit, instead of wearing others' perception of you (that is a top dual meaning, methaphor and litterary at the same time)