Why would I stay up until this point?

Can you really love your partner and hate them at the same time? This is the question I've asked myself for several years now, and I'm left baffled and mute. Sometimes my answer is yes or no. Other times it's leave or you'll wither away. At this point in time, the answer is a question. What's left of you now after so much time, passion, emotions, thoughts, and you have been lost and taken.

[fauxartist]

It’s a thin line between love and hate,

I've attached an article I read that may help. Also, I would suggest that you give it the old make a list of likes and dislikes, see if you want to leave if you really could, and also... maybe think of doing more things with others outside the marriage or relationship... joining groups of like-minded people doing similar hobbies or interests like gardening. Sometimes it can take the focus off being too caught up in one thing...

'What studies of love/hate relationships suggest is, that this love/hate dynamic is a normal part of close relationships. Feeling negatively towards your partner does not mean that you are doing something wrong or that you are in the wrong relationship. It seems hating your partner in the moment does not mean that you don’t also love them a lot—which is actually a bit of a revelation (and a relief).'

[19-Crimes in reply to fauxartist]

Perfect reply. I’ve been there and got the t-shirt. I was with my husband for 19 years. Married for only the latter 5 or so. We split, but have 4 beautiful children from our relationship. Tragedy then hit our family once again as we lost him to an inoperable brain tumour in 2013. I remarried in October last year. It was just us and 2 witnesses. We didn’t tell anyone beforehand as we didn’t want all the fuss due to my medical conditions.

No matter what has gone before, I still love my childrens father and never speak badly of him. Can’t believe he’s been gone nearly 8 years now.

[fauxartist in reply to 19-Crimes]

I can't imagine the heartbreak you must feel... I'm glad you have someone in your life though, and I know your husband who passed would want you not to be alone.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

I truly am sorry for you and your family's loss and am happy you were able to gain love again with another.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much this was truly helpful. I'm starting to realize this thin line, and exploring if it's misconstrued for me based on distorted biases. I have made plans to socialize with others with similar hobbies as a relief for us both and mingle with like-minded people.

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

For me, I stayed in an uneventful loveless marriage for 10 years longer than I should have. But my old fears of abandonment lurked in the dark recesses of my emotionally scarred little kid, and I found myself just rationalizing the relationship based on: 'it's a marriage of companionship and convenience at that point.', but in reality, I wasn't really happy and found myself becoming more and more isolated from my friends and family by my ex-.

It was a very slow controlling grooming process to keep me where they wanted me, making money and having no time for my own life. We were together for 15-16 years in total, and there were some good times for sure, but that's what I would gravitate back too when thinking I deserved better... it kept me stuck holding onto the fantasy of what was, and not the reality of what really is.