Struggling hard with life...

[tiredofstruggle]

Hi!

First of all, I want to thank anyone who reeds and perhaps responds to this, I am grateful to you!

I am so tired of struggling. My whole life is basically a fight for survival in many aspects. Coming from war torn country and poverty, at the age of 20 I was able to relocate to Scandinavia. Then, I kind of got lost, with my career and personal life. Spent 11 years looking for permanent job - eventually was able to achieve that. Struggling with sexuality, closeted bisexual male here. No successful romantic relationship, to be honest I didn't try extremely hard due to my insecurities. No tries with guys. Huge body issues - due to difficult life, I got obese in my youth. Lost the weight, but still overweight and need to do a lot of work to be anywhere near feeling comfortable in my body. My parents are in poor health and kind of destroyed people, unable to lift themselves so I'm helping them all the time. I'm not on speaking terms with my brother, we never had a close relationship, he doesn't care about me at all, as time goes by I am more and more accepting of that fact. The only thing that's keeping me above water are my close friends, but I feel I can't be 100% honest with them - they know my struggles, just not the exact extent . I'm not faking anything with them, just not revealing everything about my life.

I'm starting to feel great weight of everything that has happened in my life. I'm not running away from my share of responsibilities as well. But.. I am extremely tired. Constantly. Everything was/is a constant fight - job seeking, losing weight, changing few countries, career fulfilment, social life, love life. Feels like a have long ahead of me to be somewhat satisfied with my life. I'm trying over and over again to encourage myself, not to be cruel with myself, to analyse my life, to be in the moment, to be grateful, to exercise and eat healthy. I always give up. Medically, everything's ok with me.

I can't find adequate support, the kind of support that would make me believe in myself and give me strength. And I am seeking support, but just not getting it. I started consuming more much hard alcohol, as it makes life easier, but I'm aware it's bad for me and I'm not going to become an alcoholic.

Does anyone have some encouraging words? How to find self belief?

Thank you!

[Kkimm]

I cannot imagine properly how difficult it is for you but have been through some things which are similar and my heart goes out to you.Kim

[tiredofstruggle in reply to Kkimm]

Thank you so much!

[Mrspjsmom]

I can only imagine some of what you are going through. Just take things one day at a time and try not to tackle everything all at once. You will always find support here.

[tiredofstruggle]

Thank you, that means a lot!