Continuing depression done trying to be up

[Starrlight]

I just realized I don’t have to be f ing happy. If I can’t I can’t that’s it why cry over it.

[c-mac]

Have a good cry!

[Hidden]

Why do you feel that way it is always better to be happy than miserable.If you know the cause can you not try and address the problem.

Consider positive actions you enjoy to divert this sadness

BOB

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Hidden]

BOB, I was looking for you. I hope you are well.

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Hello Lay dog lover

I am still here I have several additional problems with my health, although one problem seems to be clearing. I am waiting to be called in March, I am down to four operations on my eyes, so I am adjusting my computer and study to be able to read my books by a reading pen and will be sorting out the computer to read out my emails so I have plenty of things on the go.

However I am still around,

Thanks for asking and showing concern.

BOB

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Hidden]

I hope the operations go well. I cannot imagine that. I have floaters in my eyes that drive me crazy. I am up to 8 surgeries, myself, on my arm, feet, and knee. I will have one more to remove the screws in my heel. If the bone grafts are not regrowing, I may lose the foot.

[Hidden in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Thank you Lazy dog lover

I treatments and operations, I feel for you. Since been in the seventies I have had to be banged out even for the Dentist, they had to withdraw Sedation early last year because of age because of brutality when I was young through to my late twenties. People never think when they are brutal for treatments. My problems with that is the back of my hands the injection marks are starting to bleed every now and then.

BOB

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Hidden]

BOB, You take care. Bleeding and bruising at IV sites can be hard. My mom has a port surgically implanted into a vein by her clavicle so she can get her IV treatments. My dad carrie’s bandages because of blood thinner after his heart attack.

Good luck with you eye surgeries. I am seeing a surgeon about my gall bladder and the other one for my foot this week. I need a journal for my health history, now.

[Celtic27 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bob I hope you, hazel and pax are well take care my friend david

[Hidden in reply to Celtic27]

Yes fine david I hope you are all well. I am in for four operations on my eyes I am loosing site down to cataracts and scists in both eyes so it will take time to sort things out. I am generally loosing sight arounf the edges of both eyes, it is like someone has fitted blackout curtains along to tops of my eyes and ink blobbs down the side of my eyes so I am adjusting my library so I can use a special Pen and computer to read out my books and email.

Life is a problem

BOB

[Poodie]

Hi Starrlight

Don’t force yourself to be one way or the other. Sometimes you can not do anything about whatever is causing your depression.

Some things are just sad, or hurtful.

I try to always recognize what I am feeling. I don’t always think we should try to will it away immediately. You have a right to your feelings and I think recognizing what we feel can help us understand and have empathy for ourselves, and that can be healing too.

I’ve heard that crying can raise endorphins.

So cry if you feel like crying. I think you will know when you need and want to move on to other things that do make you happy,

Can you talk to someone ? Are you still in therapy w the same therapist ?

I hope you can feel brighter soon but it is o k not to. Denying feelings can make us worse. It does not help some of us to push those feelings aside. Lots of us have been getting depressed off and on for many years.

I have a friend who tells me to let myself be depressed and it will pass. Sometimes I have no idea what triggered me to get depressed, I learn nothing and it passes. The main thing is that I know someone cares and understands.

Take care. You are not alone. We are here for you.

[Mrspjsmom]

Go ahead and cry. Wish I was there to give you a hug and hand you tissues. I have realized I will probably need meds for the rest of my life. I savor happy moments and any day that I am feeling neutral instead of sad. ❤

[Livelydively]

(((Hugs))) I am hear to listen.

[Imaaan]

Sending hugs and love your way. Your system is readjusting as you go through the weaning so its natural to be feeling all sorts of emotions. Allow yourself to experience them without suppression and I hope you can release them in a productive manner. Behind the darkness better days are yet to come

[Dolphin14]

Feel your feelings, don't bury them. Let the tears out.

❤️🐬

[Celtic27]

Hi starlight whilst crying can be depressing it can help release the built up tension there's nothing wrong as the built up depression can be more of a problem! You don't have to be happy all the time if people can't realize that they are not worth knowing! You sound like a level headed lady try and find someone you can talk to about it if you want to please message me I will try to get back to you when I can take care All the best

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Starrlight, Do you have parts of your life that do make you happy? Are there specific things that you can't be happy about? When I was younger, I was oh so bitter towards life. People used to tell me to smile more, but this was just my face. I was not mad or sad or happy, but whenever they questioned it, I would get very angry. When it turned up in my performance review, I blew a gasket. I could not be happy about anything because nothing seemed to matter anymore. As I have been learning in just the last few years, I have to wake up each day and go to bed each day thinking about something I am grateful for. Big or small. Even if it feels insignificant.

[Starrlight in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Thanks for sharing. For me, my kids make me happy. I do have hobbies too which help. I love photography and I love fashion. I love dreaming of a time when I will be completely free. My brother died and we were close like twins and I wonder how he is but from what I feel abd through dreams I think he is okay. I am tired of living and I feel guilty for it but I try not to because they are my real feelings. I know I have to stay for family. But yeah nature makes me happy too, but these fleeting things are not enough. In general to be honest I want to be dead. I’m sorry nothing seems to matter anymore for you. Yes it’s great to be grateful fir big and small things. Life seems too complicated for me right now a and being grateful is difficult suddenly

[Lazy_dog_lover]

It sounds like you have a lot to be happy about. Imagine your brother looking back at you. Would he want you to be sad or angry or guilty or want you to leave your kids on their own? You can try bringing more of what helps you feel free and happy into your life.

[Starrlight in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Of course I don’t and won’t leave my kids on my own. That’s why as suicidal I get I never go. I can’t. It’s good to get out my feelings though.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Starrlight]

I am not sure what climate you are in nor how old your kids are, but simply walking outside with them will raise your endorphins and you will feel better. Take your camera and make a day of it.

[Starrlight in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

Yes! I do that lots it’s fun.

[Hidden]

Hello Starrlight, I truly hope you start to feel better. January is a tough month for many people in a lot of ways. Please don’t give up hope that things can get better. Suicide is never the answer. Your children really need you, and I bet you’re a great mom.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I’m not suicidal but I have the thoughts of it pretty bad sometimes. The reason I say I am not suicidal is because i am and my love for my kids is stronger than the suicidal thinking. I may not be happy but I have no intention of ending my life. I did have a scare last week I just was so agitated and felt loosing control but I managed to get back on track.