How can l hold on for another day

[Murielle21]

I woke up at 4.58 from a bad dream. My whole insides are shaking and the utter despair is overwhelming me. I feel like running and running and running but where to l have no idea but running from this anguish and pain. I have a rescue dog who is with me almost 24/7 and is devoted to me. I love him but l feel that things are getting so bad that l will have to leave him or take him with me to save his pain as he was badly damaged by cruel people before. He won’t understand my absence. I’m between a rock and a hard place. My life is in a mess and l have no-one who can help me. I only see more of this depression and anxiety in the future and no purpose to go on (dog) l hear you say. That’s not enough. I yearn for an end to this. I lost my faith many years ago when my daughter was murdered but my illness started way before then. I’ve spoken to the Samaritans many times to break the spell of my dark thoughts. I can only apologise to anyone who is reading this l had to do something and not sure l can even speak to Samaritans right now as my throat is closing with the stress. Now the tears are coming. Sorry everyone sorry for being so gloomy but this is me and l am scared.

[Hidden]

Hello

You did the right thing posting , I hoped it helped a little just to get it all out I find talking helps me and knowing someone is listening even if they cannot wave a magic wand ( if only ) and make this go away there is someone out there helps

I hope you did phone the Samaritans and if not and you are still suffering I hope you will phone them now

I live each day at the moment wondering the same how can I get through another day and the days can feel like torture but somehow someway we get through yet another day , it is no way to live but we cannot give up , we have come this far , we have stayed strong this far we cannot let this beat us

I am not sure if you take medication but I think you will really benefit from some and if you are taking some then I think either way you need to speak with your Doctor you need more help and you have to speak out and ask for it and I hope so much that you get it x

[Murielle21 in reply to Hidden]

I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I need to sell my house on top of all this as l cannot afford upkeep. Just the thought of starting the whole business is terrifying but time is of the essence and then l need to find somewhere to rent who allows a dog. I can’t get a social worker as all the services are stretched and I am alone and scared of being taken advantage of as l have been before. It’s not a great house or area either. I’m can’t cope and not coping or doing is adding to the stress day after day and some weeks now not leaving my bedroom for long. It’s my safe space. Hospital is a scary place to be as well as l am quiet and lots of noise and scary people in there.Oh! I’m feeling so overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do l just don’t know what to do! I’m old so at end of life cycle anyway. But the dog.......but the dog

my brain says. Where can he go that’s safe? Would it be cruel to leave him now l’ve had him over 5yrs8months now. He’s getting old too. I’m struggling with all this despair and pain and the problems as well. It wouldn’t be selfish when I have suffered so much for so long. I can’t be alone feeling like this.

Pathetic desperate old me. I hate myself being like it.

[Hidden in reply to Murielle21]

Hello

You are not Pathetic at all , life gets overwhelming and all these thoughts can get overpowering for us all no matter what age we are and just because you are in your 70's does not mean life is coming to an end there are still new chapters that can happen for many more years yet

Social Services maybe over stretched but that does not mean you should not ask for support that is what they are there for

Have you tried Age UK Advice line they have so much information they may be able to help or at least point you to somewhere that can

Here is the number you can give them a ring you have nothing to lose by asking x

Age UK Advice Line

0800 678 1602

[samack]

Murielle,Oh dear. It must be so overwhelming with having to to move on top of everything else. Is it true no one will rent to you with your dog? How awful. Is there a governmental office that deals with disability? Surely military vets are permitted to live with service dogs. See if there is an avenue by which you can keep your sweet dog. Of course a social worker would be ideal.

You are rightfully overwhelmed. What I tend to discover is first I feel completely out of control, that is a must for me. I cry and shake and even scream. But ultimately, especially after searching resources, things resolve. Then I wonder why I keep going through this every time an obstacle hits. Its being alone, and the energy has already left my body. Only one nerve left as they say.

Keep writing us and as uou move along keep us posted. Do this daily if it helps you so we can check in with you.

[Ricardo70]

STOP…🛑 TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

I cannot even try to imagine how much pressure, stress and anxiety you’re going through right now.

I also cannot even imagine the pain of loosing a child at such a young age must be like.

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, BUT if she was with you now do you think she would like to see you teetering on the edge of life. She would want you to cherish the life that you have which was sadly taken from her.

You sound like a very intelligent lady and I’m sure you have overcome many challenges throughout your life including one of the most severe and painful events ANY person could go through and you came through.

I’m not going to say if life gives you lemons bla bla bla but at 74yrs old you know effort = reward, so the choice is yours, do you give up and continue to suffer or do you stand firm, clench your fists and shout back at this whole mess, “I will never give in, I’m a strong independent woman, I have 70yrs of life experiences behind me and a lot more life to live and give”

You haven’t got this far by being a looser or quitting so have some self belief, focus on your positives, strengths and abilities.

We all believe in you, we send you are love and support and our prayers.

As for your dog, that dog gives you unreserved love, he/she relies on you, my advice would be to find a charity that can re home your dog until your established and re settled.

NOBODY CAN SOLVE MULTIPLE PROBLEMS AT THE SAME TIME SO, get a pen and paper, write down from most important to least important. Break it down and deal with one issue at a time, don’t spread yourself to thin by trying to multi task. Every little step in the right direction is a victory now matter how small. And finally asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness but a show of intelligence and strength, it takes a lot of courage to admit there’s a problem and deal with it.

There’s a lot of expertise, knowledge and support within this forum, if you need help and advice or even just some simple words of comfort and support we are here for you. 🤗 😘 ❤️❤️👍🏼

[Arymretep]

Have you spoken to your Dr, you can’t go on like this , social services might be busy at the moment but it’s their job to look after people like you, don’t be afraid to ask for help, also as Hidden says try Age U.K. for help and advice. We are all here for you Murielle, keep posting , try and live each day as said otherwise we get overwhelmed ,

We are the same age and I think you are so brave living on your own, you can do this with a little help as I said don’t be afraid to ask please,, there are people out there who’s job it is to help people like you, please make an app with your Doctor 😘 x

IVe found a number for the Dogs Trust who run a canine card scheme,a FREE service that guarantees to look after your dogs if you are no longer able to look after them

0207 837 0006

[cocoyellow in reply to Arymretep]

I also know there are several organization and groups that will board your dog for free or will take them in to find them a great forever home. I feel the dog should be your priority at this moment, find a good rescue organization that can help, once your dog is taken care of then you will no longer have to worry about him and can focus on yourself. Just know that they might want you to surrender him but knowing that he will go to a great home it might be your best option. Not being able to care for him can be more devestating to you

[cocoyellow in reply to cocoyellow]

It sounds like you really love your dog so whatever you do don't negligently abandoned him because that will eat you away for the rest of your life, and probably drive you to insanity, so is better to find a rescue organization that will take him in, that way you can wake up happy knowing he is being fed and taken care of with a family that adores him

[Murielle21 in reply to cocoyellow]

I’m not going to abandon my dog. I love him so much but l am really struggling. It’s very hard for me to find words to explain. I am really afraid of everything. The feelings sweeping through my body and head leave me weak and shaky. I’m afraid to go to hospital because of my dog. Sounds really lame, not a bit like how l really am. I go into a panic but stay still as it’s a crisis. Don’t know what to do l don’t want to be here but have to be. Oh l don’t want to be a whinger but that’s exactly what I’m doing. I don’t feel right at all and honestly have no future but he cries so much when l shop and I am his saviour bless him. If anything happened to him l would be gone in a New York second. I’m not going into my life but l shall be glad to kiss it goodbye.We’re all different and l have so much empathy for you all. Sorry for rambling!x

[cocoyellow in reply to Murielle21]

Is okay, to let it all out. For me, my dog forces me to wake up and move around and take him to walks which is exactly what I need otherwise I will be in bed laying all day because of my physical condition. But if my dog was holding me back from getting better, then I would definitely find him a rescue that will take him so I can focus on myself. Don't feel bad if that is what you need, because you have to be able to focus on you and get better. I hope I make sense. To me it sounds like he helps you keep living and moving so I would say keep him.

I am sorry you feel scare that is a horrible. Do you know what can make you more comfortable? Is there something or someone that can make you feel less scare?

What little thing will make you happy? For me is hot cocoa and a comedy movie, so I have bee resorting to that when I need to cheer up.

[KJnOTT]

I echo the groups sentiments and encourage you to continue to reach out and share your feelings. Know that you are not alone. I pray that you can get the support and assistance you need through some of the resources shared. I also pray that the Lord would lead and guide you, and that you would find comfort knowing you are deeply loved. One day at a time.

[samack]

How are you today Murielle? Same old on this end😊

[gerrerd]

Try potentials unlimited get the stress relief download, Ray

[Bella_lee]

Hi Murielle21 how are you? I'm so sorry you're going through so much and so sorry for your loss.Please let us know how you're doing and if you were able to speak to someone at Age advice UK. There is also another organisation called Reengage based in London that provides friendship and relationship for the elderly and I think they sometimes organise tea parties, which I think might be good for you . The free phone number is 0800716543

Sending you much hugs and a prayer for strength and peace of mind.

[Murielle21 in reply to Bella_lee]

Thank you for your advice. I am a very long way from London. I’m practically unable to do anything atm. It feels like my very soul is shaking with fear! I’m like a 5yr old child again and not coping. Pathetic l know but that’s how l’m feeling. I want to run away, throw the towel in but for my dog. Can he come with me? Oh dear, l need a good slap!

[Hidden]

It is so understandable why you feel the way you do. My heart goes out to you. I don't know what groups or organizations there are to be helpful to you, but the ones you find out about, keep calling them and be persistent. I will never understand why there seems to be so little help out there sometimes. Don't give up, keep calling and asking for services. And take things a step at a time, one day at a time. 💖