I get thwarted at every turn and cant take anymore

[secrets22]

I feel I suffer the loneliness of the long distance runner.

I must admit i usually keep my pain and feelings close to my chest,for fear of being thought of as weak and i have been through unbelievable heartache over the past few years,as has many others on here, and it does become soul destroying in trying to pretend that i'm coping,when in fact i am hurting,and now my little dog Eddie is nearing end of life and i am bereft with grief,as that little dog's eyes light up when he sees me,even now,and i cannot cope with anymore loss,for how much more can a sensitive take.

Its said that God only dishes it out to those who can take it,well,i do not appreciate Gods humour,and i am a commited Christian.

Sometimes i think i must have been a terrible person in a previous life but certainly in this present life i have been kind,considerate and generous which has not served me well,i have been used and abused and treated as a fool,more often than i will admit to.

However i am no fool,but i do suffer compassion on a huge scale,and because of this i have been taken advantage of,and i dont seek sympathy as i know exactly the choices i had,but i ignored my gut feeling,and allowed the wrong people into my life,and for that i am guilty.

Materially i am fortunate,but emotionally i am spent.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry to hear that Eddie the dog isn't very well.

I have had episodes myself when I have been obstructed in life when I have wanted to achieve things that I wanted and it's infuriating isn't it when that happens!

Last week I went to an interview on the Monday and they rang me on the Tuesday to say I hadn't got the job fair enough I can accept that but what it was that angered me was when they made up excuses and how it had been offered to someone internal which had felt like a smack in the face!

Now I have calmed down I feel it was a blessing in disguise as it was only fixed term temporary anyway and it's a lesson not to go to that employer again.

I have had many other times prior to this when I have felt infuriated when they have given jobs to internal candidates and once I was so angry I cried when I got off the phone!

Point is it they are going to be unfair at interview I don't want to work there anyway!

It's not the not having got the job in itself that upset me on those occasions no what did upset me was that they were unfair over it that did!

[secrets22 in reply to Hidden]

i hear you and i understand completely,but i am sure another job will turn up more to your liking.x

[Hidden in reply to secrets22]

It's always the way isn't it how something else always turns up that I will enjoy better.

[BTCCET in reply to secrets22]

God bless you secrets, your goodness and patience is infinite, just keep on being you and I'm sure things will come right for you xx

[Midori]

Can't comment on your faith, as I don't have one, but I understand the love for an old pet, they become so much part of the family.

When his time comes, stay with him, don't abandon him when he will need you the most.

He's given you so much love over the years, stay till the end.

Cheers, Midori