What is acceptance?

[Danegirlmom13]

Things in my past are keeping me stuck in the past. Playing on a endless loop adding to sadness and anger in my present life. The only way to move forward is to find acceptance for things that have happened. But how to accept things that are not ok. How do you move forward without defining acceptance. What does acceptance mean to you? I have to a way to accept what I can’t change and make peace with it before it continues to eat my happiness in the present.

[Opportunity]

Acceptance says “this happened. Here are my thoughts about it. Here are my feelings about it. It hurt me. And here’s what I plan to do next.” I don’t think you can force acceptance. It might come about when you accept that you are still grieving. This life isn’t what you hoped. Or, your past isn’t rosy as you wished. Bad things happened. The past you will never have - leading to a future that can never be - is lost forever. That is worth grieving. And you are not alone in this grief. I’m grieving my actual past and “lost past” too. At least we can be sad at the same time. 😞. Also, the good news is, this pain won’t last forever even if we do nothing. But I might be holding a ceremony for my past. I might light some candles and say a few words, maybe hold a funeral of sorts. To honor the loss and say what happened, what I think and feel about it, and say goodbye.

[Danegirlmom13 in reply to Opportunity]

Beautiful words. It is a past I mourn that stems from a loss that I still grieve. It is easy for folks around me to move forward but I stay stuck. I think you have some good points. I hope you do throw the ceremony, it allows the grief and closure. Not being ok but peace with it because closure doesn’t mean what happened was ok but it gives us the freedoms to move forward.

[todays in reply to Opportunity]

Thank you for that. I never really thought about how others viewed acceptance. To me it was just something that you have to look back at and say “okay this wasn’t so bad”, but this method never works for me so I thought I must have been doing it wrong. I never realized that others don’t just accept that they have to give it time before they can truly move on.

[RupertBrown in reply to Opportunity]

This is one of the most eloquently put discussions of this matter I've seen. I really like the idea of holding a "funeral" for the past. We do it for loved ones to achieve some sense of closure (among other reasons) when they pass, why not use the same method to move on from painful memories/events? Brilliant! I might be trying this soon. Thanks for sharing this perspective with us.

[Agora1]

Danegirlmom, we only have the "present moment" and so we cannot allow our obsessionwith the past "eat away at the present". Unless we let go by accepting that we cannot do

anything about what already happened, we continue in this cycle of regrets and fear.

Acceptance to me has been the "key" to my success. Hopefully, I learned from the past both

good or bad and this will help me grow.

"Opportunity" has given you some great advice, worth hanging on to those words. xx

[Midori]

There is a saying which I like. 'The Past is Gone; the Future yet to be; We have only the Present, and that is the Gift.'

It means let go of the past, it is gone, nothing you can say or do can alter that. But you can influence the future, if you can look ahead with positivity. If you can do it, then every day is a Gift.

Cheers, Midori

[Rafiki11]

To me, acceptance means I fix what I can fix and I stop fighting the rest. Fighting the past is like trying to battle with a hurricane. It will only drain you of your present and future.

I’m learning that emotions are only supposed to last 90 seconds or so. When they last longer it is because we unintentionally perseverate them.

When you are feeling sadness or anger, I would try setting a timer for five minutes. Talk to yourself about how you are feeling. When the timer goes off, distract yourself. Watch a movie. Listen to loud music and sing along. Read a book. Do something for someone else. Make a list of ten things you’re grateful for. Write a happy/silly poem.

[RupertBrown]

Not sure what you are trying to accept about your past, but to me acceptance means not being defined by my past. In my case it was childhood trauma. What happened, happened. We can't change that. But we don't have to let it define us. My childhood trauma is just one small part of my story. It shouldn't define me anymore than the street I grew up on or the school I went to. Knowing/saying that and putting it into practice are two different things though. It's something I still struggle with 40 years later. I don't know if accepting my past will ever be my default state, it might require concious effort for the rest of my life. But with practice, day after day, it does get a little easier. Not sure how much of this made sense, but hopefully it helps a little. May you find the peace you're looking for. Sending strength and courage until you do.

[Tara52 in reply to RupertBrown]

Great answer!🤗

[Jane_5060 in reply to RupertBrown]

Yes - I agree! Great answer ❤️