New here

[melancholyfishstic]

Hello, I'm a new member here that kind of went out to look for something to fill the void I guess. I've been feeling really lonely, while at the same time completely isolating myself from everyone close to me, so I just wanted to see other people that are like me.

To start things off, I'm 21 years old, unemployed, and not attending school.

I've been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was 13, yet because of my own personal fears, I have never been able to take the medication prescribed to me. At the moment I'm kind of in limbo, still living with my parents. I haven't been out of my house much since I graduated high school unless it's for an appointment or something important. I don't brush my hair, shower much, clean my room or take care of myself aside from brushing my teeth surprisingly and washing my face. Which are the only two things I've been keeping up with. My appetite is still there, but I'm either eating once a day or binging. I get a lot of sleep, maybe too much, or not at all.

I have trouble keeping friendships because I'm ashamed of myself and because they're too tiring to keep up with. I avoid my parents because they're always pushing me to get a job or go to school, which is valid, but hard to do with untreated depression and anxiety that's already burdening them. I even have trouble maintaining my relationship because lately, it's hard to say I love you or feel any kind of happiness talking to them like I usually did, despite them being caring and understanding about my situation.

I know I should try and get a therapist. I know I should try to get a psychiatrist and take my medication. I know I should be doing exercise or doing the things I love to get out of this funk, or trying positive reinforcement, etc. But it's really hard to motivate myself to do anything when I don't feel like getting better. I'm frustrated, but at the same time, not frustrated enough to get myself to that point.

This site too will probably be something I won't stick with. Because I have a hard time doing that. But I hope someone will see this with the same feelings that I have. I hope someone will have a story to share, or pieces of advice to give. Something would be nice.

[Agora1]

Welcome melancholyfishstic Once we allow ourselves to just exist and not livedepression can take over easily. The body and mind were meant to be active.

If not, we atrophy. To become motivated we must take that first step forward.

A small step will do. Starting with hygiene. Unless we care about our self, we

can't possibly care about the world around us.

We need goals, we need dreams, we need a reason to wake up each day.

With these intentions met, confidence and self esteem rise which in turn makes

us feel better and feel alive.

Feeling alive makes our Endorphin levels rise. Do you see how one small step

hinges on another until we are back on the right path. I'm happy that you reached out

to us and hope it will last for a bit. We can't lose hope that choices we make can

change the course of our life. I'm throwing a life ring out to you, grab on new friend

and let us pull you to shore. You've been lost in an ocean of despair long enough. xx

[gramabrenda]

Dear melancholyfishtic,

What a cool handle you have. You must be quite a creative person. With your clean face and fresh smelling breath you are off to a good start each day. Doing those two things do make you feel fresh. Do you enjoy fresh air and the beauty of the fall weather at this time of year? Have you looked up at the stars at night and wondered if there is life up there, watching you as you go about your business? I wonder about how all this is put together and how it works in such harmony. Do you listen to music and enjoy the beat or the soothing melodic tones? Do you like to read? I have found a great author, Jeanette Oke, whose books are really refreshing and enjoyable. Sometimes I just keep on reading and don’t put them down until I am finished. It is hard to understand how she writes so many books even if some of them are written with other authors. Pretty amazing. Feel free to answer me back if you want to share. You sound like you have a lot of answers and understanding.